New pilot and family

troopernflight

troopernflight

Well-Known Member
I recently started flying professionally for the first time. I'm 34 years old and I have been a police officer for 9 years. My wife and I decided that it would be best for her to stay at home rather than work, for we have a 1 year old. This is what she really wanted. I can't afford to support our family on a police officer salary. So I am flying on the side (about 6 days a month) and this usually involves overnights and being away from home. When I returned from a 4 day trip tonight, she expressed some concerns that she really missed me while I was gone and was having a hard time dealing with me being away. I explained to her that we needed the money and that if I was ever to fly full time I would have to build a lot of time. She has been so supportive of this from day 1 starting 4 years ago. Now these emotions are coming out. Is this something I need to be concerned about? Have any of you guys started this profession late in life and had similar issues? I love flying so much and I don't want to run into problems. My wife comes first in this world before anything, but I would be devastated if I couldn't fly. The only time I get out of the bed at 4am and have a hop in my step is when I have a trip to wake up for. Police work has really ate away at me. If I have to complete my 25 years and keep flying on the side, then so be it. I just wanted to see if anyone can shed some light on this, who has dealt with similar emotions from their significant other. Thanks.
 
Try sending the Mrs. over to Kristie's sister site, jetgirls.net She'll find a lot of other wives in the same (or at least similar) situations.

Personally, I have a really hard time fully sympathizing with pilot's wives who cry and whine about their husbands being gone all the time... Maybe it's because I lived "the life" myself for so long, or I'm entirely too self-centered and independent, but I actually NEED the alone time that a husband being on the road like that brings. I use the time to watch shows/movies that he wouldn't want to watch, to listen to music and indulge in hobbies like reading that are best done solo.

To each their own, and I know a LOT of pilot's wives have "issues" with the being-gone thing, but I recommend reminding her of the opportunity to do things you don't want to while you're gone!
 
troopernflight said:
When I returned from a 4 day trip tonight, she expressed some concerns that she really missed me while I was gone and was having a hard time dealing with me being away. .
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If military families can deal with their spouses being gone for 1 year or more at a time, she should be able to deal with less than a week. The difference is that it's likely new for her, but it's not impossible to accomplish.
 
My non-flying job had me away from home more than an airline gig ever would, 6 days/week for months at a time. And that was a white collar office desk job.

It isn't easy being away.
 
drunkenbeagle said:
My non-flying job had me away from home more than an airline gig ever would, 6 days/week for months at a time. And that was a white collar office desk job.

It isn't easy being away.
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Your TAFB/Time Away From Base was hugely higher than mine was, even with a 90 hour month.

So what's your favorite thing about coming home?
 
I'm fortunate to have a wife that undrstands. That's a tough spot that she wants to stay at home, but can't handle you being gone to make the money you need to support your family. She should seek some support, but she is just going to have to deal with it if she wants to stay home. If it would make her feel better, we have a 7 month old son, my wife works full time, and I'm on reserve and gone for 4ish days at a time and home for 2 or 3. Just remind her it's a means to an end. You sound like you have your priorities straight by keeping her first.
 
Doug Taylor said:
Oh I've got a story about that!
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Me too!

Damn mirrored walls at the old Holiday Inn in MQT... I mean, who puts a full ceiling to floor mirrored wall RIGHT next to the bed, so that when someone wakes up in the middle of the night, they see the room (or what they think is the room) and tries to walk to the bathroom and *BAM* right into a wall.
 
My wife at times was having a hard time more of because she was jealous that I was out in the sun while she was home stuck in the snow. What really opened her eyes up though was when the airplane was down for a month and we lost 3K in fun money income. Now she doesn't care too much when I am gone and does her best to tough it out alone or to get support from both our families if she is in need of help.
 
MQAAord said:
Me too!

Damn mirrored walls at the old Holiday Inn in MQT... I mean, who puts a full ceiling to floor mirrored wall RIGHT next to the bed, so that when someone wakes up in the middle of the night, they see the room (or what they think is the room) and tries to walk to the bathroom and *BAM* right into a wall.
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I stayed there my first week of being based in MQT! Funny thing is that the hotel bar is about the only place to go on a Thursday night, they called it "Birthday Party Night' where if they pulled your birthday out of the fishbowl, you drank for free all night!

Ok, here's my toilet story.

One month all I did was Madrid and Barcelona — both at hotels which when you entered the room, there was a small hallway and two doors. One for the bathroom and the next for the bedroom. I don't know what the deal is, but it made for an extra quiet room because there was a buffer, of sorts, between the bedroom and the hallway replete with drunken mustachioed people bitching about the merger.

Anyway, I'm in my commuter hotel in between trips, enjoying a nice "melatonin holiday" so I'd get some uninterrupted snoozy time.

Probably TMI for the forum, but I pretty much just sleep in boxers, but it's material to the story.

I wake up for my 0200 whiz, my brain is a little fuzzy from the melatonin and I (again) forget what city I'm in. So I zombie-walk over to the door, walk out and reach for the bathroom door knob.

Crap. I'm at my commuter hotel. I just walked out of my damned hotel room and it's 0200 and I'm technically buck naked except for my boxers. So I sit down, try to figure out what options I have, which I have none. There's no "house phone", the outer door that could use to get down to Housekeeping to try to snatch a linen is a one-way door that only exits to the outside (it's winter) so my only option is to get on the elevator, go to the front desk and ask for a new key.

The lady who works the front desk doesn't even bat an eye an makes me a new key. The next morning I asked her if she's seen anything similar and she says that it happens once or twice a night, especially with crews.

Whenever I tell that story, it's usually followed by a horror stories of those who used to take (not legally of course) Lunesta or Ambien. I wouldn't touch either of those to save my life from the stories that I heard.
 
Cessnaflyer said:
My wife at times was having a hard time more of because she was jealous that I was out in the sun while she was home stuck in the snow. What really opened her eyes up though was when the airplane was down for a month and we lost 3K in fun money income. Now she doesn't care too much when I am gone and does her best to tough it out alone or to get support from both our families if she is in need of help.
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We had somewhat of a similar chat last night.

Something of the terms of it's not like I'm leaving on a 12-day vacation without her, I'm going to work for 12 days of which maybe 4 days are actually not spent in a big aluminum tube with 216 eating, sleeping, urinating, defecating, farting strangers.

Went back through the "sure I might be flying to Paris, but landing at 0900, 90 minutes to the hotel, nap, wake up, run, out the door for foodz and beer by about 1700, back at a respectable time to get some rest, oftentimes you're working three days for five to seven hours of free time" chat.

Ehh, spouse recurrent.
 
For me, it's "You get to get away from the noise, mess & monotony of this 'Groundhog Day' existence and go to work and actually paid money for the work you do". BUT (and this is a huge but) I remember full well what life was like going on a 4-day... and... I realize that often means finishing the day at 0100 or getting up at 0330 for a 0430 van time. Ground stops, weather, pissy people. The grass is the same shade of green on both sides, we're just too blind to see it sometimes.
 
Speaking of Groundhog Day, I was just wondering what in the world happened to my 30's?
 
I spent 365 days away from my family, four 5-6 month deployments, two one month deployments away from family and I've been lucky as that's nothing compared to others...4 days isn't much if anything at all. I get it's all relative, especially when new to that type of lifestyle but please, it's 4 days.
 
I am not discounting the military life, that is hard, and I myself couldn't imagine how hard it is to be gone for a year straight. I have mentioned this before but my wife has a few friends who are military wives and, while this may not be a majority thought, everyone of them thinks she has it harder than they did. There husbands left once, for a year, and during that time they had to adjust once to being a single mom and running the household once in that time, it was quite a transition when their husbands came back but none of them could stand doing it multiple times a month.

That being said, my wife brings the same things up to me at times, and it occasionally turns heated, usually when she is under a lot of stress at work though with little time at home. She thinks that when I leave for work for 4 or 5 days I can just get away from it all. Often times I wish that I could bring her on some of my trips, or even on reserve when I spend 5 days between the airport and the crashpad just trying not to go stir crazy. I think she would understand but those are the things that are best left unsaid, the things you really can't do anything about so why add fuel.
 
MQAAord said:
Could have been worse. At least you had the boxers on!
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Happened to me once many many years ago. Problem is that I don't sleep in anything. What saved me was grabbing the little tablecloth from a dinner cart sitting outside of someone's room down two halls. All I could picture was trying to explain to the CP why I was streaking around the hotel corridors at 3am. It was not a pleasant trip down the elevator and to the front desk and back again to my room in that getup, let me tell you. lol
 
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