Long distance relationships.

BravoHotel

BravoHotel

Well-Known Member
As most people probably know I'm out in the middle of nowhere. The whole reason I am here is I can back on my feet a get ready to move forward. A long the way my girlfriend and I decided to get engaged. I have been at Wake for almost a month now. At first the lines of communication were open. Now they are shut like the Berlin wall.

She said she had to move out of her apartment because of some BS. She is in the process of moving to a house with other college students. I know moving is hectic. She won't talk to me but for a few seconds. Should I back off and let the dust settle? Call back in a couple of days or wait for her to call?

It is frustrating being afar and not being able to directly do anything. Any input, tips, don't dos, or do dos would be appreciated.
 
Tale as old as time, buddy. How old are you? More to the point, how old is she?

As a general rule I've found that when a dude's spidey-sense goes off, there's a reason. To be fair, the same could probably be said of a woman.
 
Hawks said:
I agree and that is what concerns me greatly.
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Trust is tough over distance. Probably the toughest part actually.

When I have a personal crisis I need space to handle and process it. My girl is the same way, and we make it work. We offer assistance to one another when requested, but for the most part we have to handle a lot of things alone. We keep in touch, but the amount of talking we do does decrease under stress.

It works for us, your mileage may vary. Good luck.
 
Boris Badenov said:
Tale as old as time, buddy. How old are you? More to the point, how old is she?

As a general rule I've found that when a dude's spidey-sense goes off, there's a reason. To be fair, the same could probably be said of a woman.
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I'm 31, she is 29.

I just talked to her a moment ago. I guess it was a frantic move to get everything out into storage. She said she is staying at her sisters for a couple of days and at the college house only until she finds another place. I'm still very skeptical of this whole mess. My gut feeling is something not good is brewing, but I am trying to not go off the deep end as of yet.

What Autothrust said is true. Trust is hard over distance. I hope this resolves its self soon.

The hardest thing for me is to not let my mind run out of control. I have had four other instances of relationships dying on an island. Not a good track record.
 
Well, happens or doesn't. There isn't a damn thing you can from where you are, so you're quite right, try not to worry. That said, if I were you, and there were any niggling questions of shared-property, etc. I'd get a buddy back home on it right quick. Obviously I have no idea what's going on, but I've heard stories like this from buddies in unpleasant places once too often to have a very optimistic assessment...

PS. If there are shared resources and/or the possibility that you might get screwed over and above emotionally, play along like everything is fine till you've got intel from someone "around".

Wish I could be more uplifting, but I'd be lying.
 
Hawks said:
I'm 31, she is 29.

I just talked to her a moment ago. I guess it was a frantic move to get everything out into storage. She said she is staying at her sisters for a couple of days and at the college house only until she finds another place. I'm still very skeptical of this whole mess. My gut feeling is something not good is brewing, but I am trying to not go off the deep end as of yet.

What Autothrust said is true. Trust is hard over distance. I hope this resolves its self soon.

The hardest thing for me is to not let my mind run out of control. I have had four other instances of relationships dying on an island. Not a good track record.
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At least it's a documented pattern for ya :(

If she's right for you, it's going to work; if it falls apart, then she wasn't right for you.
 
Sounds shady. There is ALWAYS time for 10 minute phone conversation at some point in the day. If she is cutting you off in under a minute there really isn't anything you can do other than wait out the storm and hope for the best but this doesn't sound good. Trust is hard but you have to give her the benefit of the doubt until proven otherwise if there is any chance of saving the relationship. Sorry to hear man, I hope it works out for ya. :(
 
Well, I guess I'm going to be the contrarian opinion, but I say back off for a little bit and giver her some space. There's a lot going on and the priorities of moving and figuring how do integrate into a new space with new people subjugates the communication needs of a long-distance relationship. After a day or two touch base and see how things are going, but between the time difference and everything else don't try and talk every single day right now. It'll work out if you want it to, just don't overthink it.
 
Don't overthink it.

Myself, I go from "chatty" to "antisocial bluetick hound snoozing underneath the porch" at the flip of a switch.

introverted extrovert that's an extroverted introvert, I am.
 
Thanks everyone for your kind input and suggestions. I tend to agree with letting a few days pass and trying not to get so worked up about it.
 
Doug Taylor said:
Don't overthink it.

Myself, I go from "chatty" to "antisocial bluetick hound snoozing underneath the porch" at the flip of a switch.

introverted extrovert that's an extroverted introvert, I am.
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Me too.

Plus, it is now ridiculously easy to communicate over thousands of miles...sort of devalues it.
 
Interesting in that this scenario just played out with a guy I know....and some dude was balls deep in his girl. One of those realistic facts in life one has to deal with in relationships.
 
milleR said:
Well, I guess I'm going to be the contrarian opinion, but I say back off for a little bit and giver her some space. There's a lot going on and the priorities of moving and figuring how do integrate into a new space with new people subjugates the communication needs of a long-distance relationship. After a day or two touch base and see how things are going, but between the time difference and everything else don't try and talk every single day right now. It'll work out if you want it to, just don't overthink it.
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Two-way street though. Just because SHE's under some stress doesn't mean she should forget about the fact that he's on an island in the middle of nowhere Pacific, and maybe is under some stress himself. She could take ten minutes out of her day and talk......IF she wanted to.

Key being, IF she wanted to. At best, she's being inconsiderate as hell. At worst, well......what Bunk said.
 
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