In iraq and now she wants to leave me

exerauflyboy5

exerauflyboy5

Well-Known Member
Well here i'am, in the sand box and I've been here for a while. Never thought life would bring me here. This places reminds me of Bakersfield though.

I never thought i would post here but here it goes

Long time GF and soon to be fiancé (since i have the money now, and if she says yes), has been up to some funny things. Since ive been here she has been hanging out a lot with my very good long time buddy mike, random nights of the week they go to a bar until late, spend a lot of time together snowboarding, went wine tasting once. And the other day she tells me she doesn't love me like she use to, and shes afraid we are on two different paths, things along those lines. And she also tells me she confused frustrated, and doesn't know what she wants. Her and mike both say they are just hanging out and friends, but it does live a load of room for interpretation. So my questions is this,


Those who have deployed, what have you done to help keep the spark alive, or keep intimacy going? and things of that nature?

And I know i probably should just give up and cut her loose, but the tone of her voice, body language, and other things tell me she still loves me, but is pissed im here.
 
exerauflyboy5 said:
Well here i'am, in the sand box and I've been here for a while. Never thought life would bring me here. This places reminds me of Bakersfield though.

I never thought i would post here but here it goes

Long time GF and soon to be fiancé (since i have the money now, and if she says yes), has been up to some funny things. Since ive been here she has been hanging out a lot with my very good long time buddy mike, random nights of the week they go to a bar until late, spend a lot of time together snowboarding, went wine tasting once. And the other day she tells me she doesn't love me like she use to, and shes afraid we are on two different paths, things along those lines. And she also tells me she confused frustrated, and doesn't know what she wants. Her and mike both say they are just hanging out and friends, but it does live a load of room for interpretation. So my questions is this,


Those who have deployed, what have you done to help keep the spark alive, or keep intimacy going? and things of that nature?

And I know i probably should just give up and cut her loose, but the tone of her voice, body language, and other things tell me she still loves me, but is pissed im here.
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She seems to have an interesting way of showing it. And is your buddy really being a buddy to you?

Run away. Fast.
 
exerauflyboy5 said:
mike
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Is that you MikeD!!!
MikeD said:
She seems to have an interesting way of showing it. And is your buddy really being a buddy to you?

Run away. Fast.
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Personally, I think you should recuse yourself, you're dispicable ;)


As for ERAU, hey man, I'd let her go, she ain't worth it. If she's gonna do this to you while you're abroad in harms way, then there's no reason for you two together. You'll get through it, and so will she. Good luck to you.
 
Man, let her go. Sounds cold but trust me, she aint worth it. If she is gonna act like that when you are in harms way, it speaks volumes as to her character.
 
Man...I really hate to say this, but she sounds like a woman looking for a way out.
 
I got into a nasty firefight where half my platoon was wounded... I came back and wanted to talk to my girlfriend on the phone. She never picked up... turns out she was drunk screwing some other guy she just. Needless to say we don't really speak anymore.
 
just met, I mean... happens to the best of us brotha... just keep your head up and your mind in the game. Try to find something that will also keep you busy over there.. soccer.. videogames.. etc. It will do you some good mentally.
 
The sooner you break it off, the better off you will be. Besides, you will feel better if you are the one to break it off rather than get back home to only have your suspicions confirmed. I think the other guys have pretty much hit the nail on the head
 
Separation in the military will either make strong relationships stronger, or finish off weak ones. What I take from your words is that she is moving on and just trying to say it to you in a nice way. Your best friend is not really your best friend - trust me on this one.

Let her go and move on. It will be easier for you when you return home.

And, thank you sir for your service to your country.
 
Hopefully you didn’t waste your money on a ring yet. I know its easier said than done but let her go man, and thank you for your service!
 
Sorry to hear this.

My friend was married at the time he was deployed to Iraq. When he came back to the states, his bank account was empty and wife gone.

Better to find a stronger woman now, than to find an expensive replacement.
 
Some women are worth waiting for, and will gladly wait faithfully while you're in harm's way.

Some are not worth waiting for, and won't do a damned thing but what they want to do, regardless of how it affects you.

Run (don't walk) away from this one. A crappy time to have to deal with this, but better now than later.

I also second what others have to say about your 'buddy'. Drop him like a hot rock, too.

These people are not your friends.
 
I agree it sounds like she's looking for you to let her out. I would cut the cord and put the whole thing on ice and address it when you come home. When you get back, if she's moved on...well... she moved on. If she's single and therestill some flame left between the two of you then take it slow and steady.
 
This is bs. You sacrifice yourself fighting for your country and your significant other can't even respect you enough to remain loyal to you.

I know it's tought for both sides of the relationship. But if you don't think it's gonna work out, make it easy for both parties and cut loose.
 
BCTAv8r said:
This is bs. You sacrifice yourself fighting for your country and your significant other can't even respect you enough to remain loyal to you.

I know it's tought for both sides of the relationship. But if you don't think it's gonna work out, make it easy for both parties and cut loose.
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Happens ALL the time.

He should just pack it in and move on. Life's too short to give your heart to somebody you can't trust when your back is turned.
 
Hopefully what I write will help and won't be a bunch of pointless meandering. I normally don't talk about stuff like this on line, but if it will help you screw your head on straight and keep safe for the rest of your deployment I'll spill.
I've been through a number of deployments. On my first long one as an LT I was dumped by "the girl of my dreams" while on a one year assignment in Korea. We'd known each other since we were little and everyone thought we were made for each other. I was blindsided. Fortunately this was Korea... things were a little different there and I was able to... forget her.
As part of my bitterness I decided to stay in Korea for another tour... why not drink and... well, you know forget about her. Good thing I did as a few months prior to my PCS I met another LT (no, a female one). She pretty much picked me up, brushed me off and told me I was wasting my life. I know... what's so bad about drinking, chasing women and flying. Long story short, we're still together 20 years later and have two great kids.
Has it been easy? No, but I married someone who believed marriage was for life... and if I fooled around she'd end my life. Seriously.
We've been through some tough deployments. I spent 6 months in the middle of the Sahara while she was on a second tour in Korea. Mail took 4 weeks- each way. No internet then. Phones... in the middle of the Sahara?? Every once in a while I was able to get a phone patch via HF to Korea. Talk about "public". Over Christmas I got to hear a guy from Somalia on a phone patch to Ft. Drum. His wife told him the divorce papers were in the mail. Merry Christmas. I was up next and got my wife's answering machine in Korea. At first I had thoughts... maybe she's out with someone. I was floored when I heard the end of her message. She said "Sam, if it's you I'm really sorry I missed you. I love you with all my heart and always will." Since then we've been through several deployments- hers and mine. But we've made it (so far).
So what's my point? This girl is not the one. I know it's hard to accept and it really sucks, but one day you will thank your lucky stars. You will meet a person who will stand by you through thick and thin and you will wonder what you really saw in this girl.
Good luck to you. Please keep your head on straight- I really know how hard it is. It will be worth it in the end.
 
I'll get banned for this but come on..don't be an idiot. This is life and its usually not unicorns and rainbows. This girl is gone and if you are smart you should be as well. You can sing "You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille" all you want but sounds like "Jodie" has her and you don't. Man up, move on.
 
I went through the same type thing many years ago at the beginning of my military service. As others have said - time to move on. She's looking for something different and it is something you can't give right now.

Sorry about the circumstance, it sucks and I really do know what you're going through - been there, done that.

Good luck and BTW - thank you for your service.

Bp244
 
I am very sorry to hear that. I will give my .02 here. I was is a similar position as you. My job kept me away from home a lot and my wife was acting much the same way as you describe the way your GF is acting. To make this story short and sweet, I pulled the pin on my first marriage. It was by far the best decision I have ever made in my life. It was not easy as there was our child to consider. I now am very happily married to my second wife who is a much better person. The moral here is there very well could be a better person out there.

This punk who says he is you friend should have his nuts cut off.

Brian
 
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