Howdy!
Absolute #1 on the list is to join WIAI. That's Women In Aviation International. These gals network, have conventions where scholarship recepients get airline interview offers, support each other and do their darnest to have a fun time being involved in aviation.
http://www.wiai.org
Attend one convention and you will realize that the tops of the totem poles do not have "quotas." There are enough qualified women airline pilots that the major airlines have their pick. This is reality versus what many aviation and women magazines whine about.
I find age is more of a problem than my gender. I'm not sure if this is because men can perceive "young woman" vs. "old hag" better or if men don't show their age as well. Possibly this is the only seemingly acceptable excuse for not putting females in certain positions. Your military experience has given you the same b.s.
Keep the 'military bearing' in your professional pilot career and it will help take down some barriers. The shine of your shoes will be noted and recorded. Join ISA+21, International Society of Women Airline Pilots, and read their website for the sexual harassment situations encountered by their members. Stuff still happens, usually by the more juvenille members of society along with some very old gentlemen that think women belong in the kitchens, barefoot and pregnant. Learn when to be assertive and when to be "THE Bitch." It may save your passengers lives some day.
Don't put up with jerks for flight instructors either. Yelling, military style or not, has no place in the cockpit. Belittlement, comments about ability to learn, sarcastic remarks. . . Remember, YOU are the customer here.
And use humor. Humor is the way to survive. When passenger #1000000 asks the male co-pilot why the airline is allowing stewardesses to fly the airplane, you will need it. (It's take your daughter to work day, she was F/A of the month, she arm-wrestled the captain and won so he had to be an F/A on this trip, She's not -- George flew, that's no F/A -- that's my mom!, she won a sweepstakes, she won a court case, she has claustrophobia and needs to be able to see out, she's not an employee -- she's a passenger that bought the super-premo deluxe ticket with 1 million frequent flyer miles) Do have the F/As show you where to stow coats and such. When a pax hands you one, you'll be able to serve the customer by taking care of it (unless preflight duties beckon). I've watched all of these responses by various members of an airline I worked for on the ramp.
Generalizations by the other pilots?
When you are FO: I sure hope this FO knows what they are doing!
When you are the Captain: I sure hope the Captain knows what to do!
Generalizations by others? ATC sure seems to like a sexy female voice on frequency... ;-)
Fly SAFE! And welcome to flying!!!
Jedi Nein