Honest & Realistic Perspective on Family Life

If you train and CFI locally at an unaccelerated pace then the only burden on your family will be financial. From there your experience varies but usually improves. Although reserve varies from airline to airline it is usually very easy on family life if your airline is well staffed and they aren't overworking you. By the way this is assuming you're going to move to your base. If you plan on commuting do not even spent one dime on flight training since you will make a good job horrible. At my airline we have a base that is almost all day trips with 16-18 days off for the JUNIOR line holder (8-10 months after hired but could change if hiring stops). So there are people who have been here less than one year who are home every night and only work 12 days a month! The rest of the bases are not like this though and the day trips go very senior.
 
Sooo any advice for when the roles are switched? For when the wife/mom is a pilot and the husband is not. How can she make that work?
 
r_heim21 said:
Sooo any advice for when the roles are switched? For when the wife/mom is a pilot and the husband is not. How can she make that work?
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What do you mean, how can "she" make that work? Is it not the same as when he's a pilot and she's home? One works, one (if a parent) takes care of the kids. Or is it more complicated than that?
 
r_heim21 said:
Well if both parents work
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How is the sex of the parent doing the flying job relevant, though? Why would it be any different if it were a man or a woman? And you ask, "How can she make that work." What about, how can they make that work? They're a team, I hope.
 
The family QOL is the thing I fret about the most. I've been on a self-induced fast-track pace for the last 17 months, becoming a CFI and instructing. I'm quickly approaching competitive regional minimums, and fully intend to pursue the next rung of the ladder. I've committed myself to this endeavor, and will somehow see it to fruition. I owe it to my family, at the very least.

I spent the previous 12 years of my life flying as a primary crewmember (FE) on a heavy jet in the military. Time away from home is nothing new to me. I married my wife 5 years ago, and have a wonderful 3 year old son. They have been accustomed to the flying lifestyle, and every day I thank the lord for their support and understanding. I put them through long durations of absence and self-sufficiency. When I decided to leave the military and go after a civilian pilot career, they knew what the sacrifice would entail. In order to utilize my GI Bill benefit to the maximum and not take on financial debt, I chose to go to a flight school that was 470 miles from my home. I've been renting rooms, sleeping on air mattresses, and commuting (driving) nearly every weekend home while earning up to the instructor certificates. I was employed as an instructor the day I finished my MEI. I accomplished Instrument through CFI/II/MEI in 9 months.

I made the choice to stay at my flight school away from home because the opportunity to build multi-engine time was very good. I've been instructing for 8 months and am starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Though as I emerge with somewhat of a decent resume, I am filled more and more with worry. To say that I owe my wife and son a better way of life is an absolute understatement.

I have good momentum going right now, and I truly hope that somewhere a door will open when I politely knock. There's just so much more riding on it now than my own time studying. I'm in my mid-thirties, and see the airline dream much differently than 10 years ago. I'll continue on, but find it very sobering to read about what may lie ahead. Being a husband and a father still means the world to me.
 
SeatClutcher said:
How is the sex of the parent doing the flying job relevant, though? Why would it be any different if it were a man or a woman?
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Everything is different.

The entire husband/wife dynamic is different when the wife is the full time breadwinner. Men and women are not interchangeable. In absolutely every case, they will approach the challenges of raising a family differently.

My wife is a MD, and I spend the bulk of the time with our 3 kids. I can't wait till the kids are older so I can go back to working full time, but she desperately wants to spend time with them while they are little.
 
USMCmech said:
Everything is different.

The entire husband/wife dynamic is different when the wife is the full time breadwinner. Men and women are not interchangeable. In absolutely every case, they will approach the challenges of raising a family differently.

My wife is a MD, and I spend the bulk of the time with our 3 kids. I can't wait till the kids are older so I can go back to working full time, but she desperately wants to spend time with them while they are little.
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So, you don't want to spend time with them while they're little?

What I'm trying to get at is that the question doesn't offer enough details about what kind of information is requested. How does WHAT work when the woman is the one who's out flying? Who cooks dinner? How does the man deal with the fact that he's the one at home? (All men and women are not the same as all other men and women, by the way: Yes, I'm a Homemaker - Man.)

It seems like the time spent apart is the same no matter who's gone, and that the challenge - how to spend time together/divide childcare as evenly as possible/deal with whatever issues each has with being, or not being home, would be pretty universal. There doesn't seem to be a question in the question, which makes it hard for anyone to answer, really.
 
SeatClutcher said:
So, you don't want to spend time with them while they're little?
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I truly enjoy spending time with my kids, they are the light of my world. However, I don't have the primal need to stay with them like my wife does.

When a man is the home maker, everything gets done, cooking, cleaning, ect., but it is done differently than if a woman had done it. I have a set bedtime where I expect kids in their room and lights out, my wife likes to get into bed and read to the kids until they all fall asleep. Efficiency vs nurturing.
 
USMCmech said:
I truly enjoy spending time with my kids, they are the light of my world. However, I don't have the primal need to stay with them like my wife does.

When a man is the home maker, everything gets done, cooking, cleaning, ect., but it is done differently than if a woman had done it. I have a set bedtime where I expect kids in their room and lights out, my wife likes to get into bed and read to the kids until they all fall asleep. Efficiency vs nurturing.
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I get ya. Some people are more nurturing than others.
 
SeatClutcher said:
How is the sex of the parent doing the flying job relevant, though? Why would it be any different if it were a man or a woman? And you ask, "How can she make that work." What about, how can they make that work? They're a team, I hope.
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I guess what i'm trying to ask is if my husband is a breadwinner as well, say an engineer, and I am a pilot, how do we raise a family? Would I be able to take a few years off to raise my kids on paternity leave? What are my options?
 
A few years off? You can quit, and apply again to whatever jobs are open when you're ready to come back to work.

The max time employers are required to give for maternity/paternity leave is 12 weeks (unpaid) per the FMLA. You will not find an airline that will give you a "few years" leave, keeping you on their seniority list and let you come back. The only example of a few years leave that is available is long-term disability, which childbirth/becoming a parent does not qualify for.

Generally speaking, if you're an airline pilot, male or female, expect that you'll be gone several days a week, and arrange for childcare. That may mean the child is in daycare while you're on a trip and your spouse is at work. Or if the spouse travels too, the child may be with grandma & grandpa or a nanny.

I gave up my career as a flight attendant to have & be with my kids 10 years ago. With a pilot spouse, there was no way I could continue to fly a full-time schedule (part time as a F/A is generally not available and dropping/swapping trips isn't as easy as it sound) and be any sort of a mother. 9/11 was the catalyst that kind of "forced" me leaving AA, but I had not gone back to work even though every major & regional carrier has since hired again. I am only now, after 10 years, finally feeling like I'm able to get back in the working world, and I'm not going back to the airlines. I'm in EMT school, "career changing" into the EMS field.
 
MQAAord said:
A few years off? You can quit, and apply again to whatever jobs are open when you're ready to come back to work.

The max time employers are required to give for maternity/paternity leave is 12 weeks (unpaid) per the FMLA. You will not find an airline that will give you a "few years" leave, keeping you on their seniority list and let you come back. The only example of a few years leave that is available is long-term disability, which childbirth/becoming a parent does not qualify for.

Generally speaking, if you're an airline pilot, male or female, expect that you'll be gone several days a week, and arrange for childcare. That may mean the child is in daycare while you're on a trip and your spouse is at work. Or if the spouse travels too, the child may be with grandma & grandpa or a nanny.

I gave up my career as a flight attendant to have & be with my kids 10 years ago. With a pilot spouse, there was no way I could continue to fly a full-time schedule (part time as a F/A is generally not available and dropping/swapping trips isn't as easy as it sound) and be any sort of a mother. 9/11 was the catalyst that kind of "forced" me leaving AA, but I had not gone back to work even though every major & regional carrier has since hired again. I am only now, after 10 years, finally feeling like I'm able to get back in the working world, and I'm not going back to the airlines. I'm in EMT school, "career changing" into the EMS field.
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oh wow thanks for all the info!! instead of taking a few years off are there part time options? or on call? just so i can work but still be home for my kids as well
 
r_heim21 said:
oh wow thanks for all the info!! instead of taking a few years off are there part time options? or on call? just so i can work but still be home for my kids as well
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121 carriers do not have part-time pilots. Every once in a while they'll offer part time or shared lines for FAs, but that has to do with staffing levels. It can not be relied on though, as it's come & go for those options.

"On Call" is called reserve. It's what ever junior pilot does, and it usually greatly decreases time at home, rarely does it increase it. If you're on reserve you can be called out short-notice, so you'd have to have childcare available on a moment's notice.

Dropping & swapping trips is an option, though dropping trips is usually dependent on the company having adequate staffing available and in these days of reduced costs and min staffing being able to drop a trip is rare. You'd be at the mercy of trying to get other pilots to pick up your trips. Sometimes people want the extra time and hours and you'd be able to do that, though I think that would be very stressful having to try to deal with that every month.

Not saying it can't be done, but the logistics of scheduling are hard with small kids. It makes it a LOT easier if you have family nearby who can be relied on for childcare.
 
Being a CFI while your kids are little would probably be a far easier to work schedule. Would give you a lot more control over your schedule while building hours to apply for other operations when they're older and not needing quite so much attention.

Also networking and maybe finding a corporate gig that would be part time. A company that doesn't have the need for a full-time person. I don't know of any specific jobs like that, but they may be out there.
 
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