Honest & Realistic Perspective on Family Life

Derg said:
Hell yes. Helllllll yes.

Sent from my TRS-80
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It's highly irrelevant since, unless a bunch of EM2 FOs suddenly get CRJ2/7/9 slots, I won't be seeing that day off for many years to come.

That's the other thing. Have the serenity to accept things you can't change, the strength to change the things you can, and the wisdom to know the difference...
 
Pilotforhire587 said:
I think the hardest part about it for her though is being able to go from independent to dependent and back multiple times a month.
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YES!!! This is by far the hardest part for me. I get used to doing things my way while I'm on my own for a week. I can make plans without worrying about his schedule, eat whatever I like, and go about life at my own pace without worrying about how it works for him. Then, just when I get accustomed to this, he comes home, and we have to adjust back to the give and take of being together for a week, and to be honest, it usually takes a day or so to get back onto the same wavelength with each other. Then, just when we get accustomed to this, it's time for him to go back to work. It is difficult, but with a little understanding on both sides (that's key!), it works. Holidays can be rough, too, but we live 800 miles from the closest family, and for now we just celebrate on whatever day works best for us, as I don't get holidays off either, being ATC. I've been lucky to have friends invite me over to celebrate the holiday with their families, which in addition to being nice, has exposed me to different traditions than the ones I grew up with, which I think is really cool.
 
s60 said:
YES!!! This is by far the hardest part for me. I get used to doing things my way while I'm on my own for a week. I can make plans without worrying about his schedule, eat whatever I like, and go about life at my own pace without worrying about how it works for him. Then, just when I get accustomed to this, he comes home, and we have to adjust back to the give and take of being together for a week, and to be honest, it usually takes a day or so to get back onto the same wavelength with each other. Then, just when we get accustomed to this, it's time for him to go back to work. It is difficult, but with a little understanding on both sides (that's key!), it works. Holidays can be rough, too, but we live 800 miles from the closest family, and for now we just celebrate on whatever day works best for us, as I don't get holidays off either, being ATC. I've been lucky to have friends invite me over to celebrate the holiday with their families, which in addition to being nice, has exposed me to different traditions than the ones I grew up with, which I think is really cool.
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Just remember, if its ever feeling like it's "too difficult" to be separated or to miss holidays, that there are military families who have members who are deployed 6500 miles across the globe to a combat zone for 12 - 18 months straight. That should put things back into perspective.
 
I hope I didn't make it sound that bad, it's really not. You just have to figure out what works for you two - as long as she is strong and independent, and you are both committed to making it work, whatever you come up with will quickly become 'normal' for you.
 
s60 said:
I hope I didn't make it sound that bad, it's really not. You just have to figure out what works for you two - as long as she is strong and independent, and you are both committed to making it work, whatever you come up with will quickly become 'normal' for you.
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No you didn't at all; I was just adding to your commentary you posted. All around good words in the thread.
 
8 years in the airlines, on the second regional. Currently 12 days off, line holder, can't get weekends or holidays off. So I call in sick about 6 times a year. Thinking of starting a family in the next year, not really the ideal career for me to do so, looking at other options. Good Luck.
 
I am engaged to be married in about 16 months from now. I've been dating my high school sweetheart since my freshman year of high school. She is a year older than me. I am now a senior in college. We have been long distance now for four years and going on our fifth and final year before we get married. There has been a lot of growing pains. My fiance has found her career and is aspiring to become a writer. She went to college for a year while I was in my senior year of high school. Then the following year I was at college barely home, and she quit going to University to avoid debt and came back home to do a two year program for a "travel and tourism certificate" at a community college. Currently, she is undertaking an online degree in technical writing.

It got worse as I took on more obligations. Working odd days and hours dispatching for my University, being a part of our school's flight team, taking 18 credit hours, and diligently working through my flight training, I was restricted to coming home only for major holidays. Rarely I would come home for a 48-72 hour period. Between January and July this year alone, I was home a total of 10 days. As me and my fiance go into the future, we both accept that I will be gone a lot once I become an airline pilot. She understands that my career is very fluid and anything could happen. She is very independent, and she works hard for the both of us to have a less financially burdened future together.

I am now a CFI, and I'm going to be instructing through my senior year as I finish college. I told her I could not guarantee anytime home except for Thanksgiving and Christmas this year (unlike airline pilots, CFIs of a University generally get Christmas off). On the flip side she understands that once I become an airline pilot it will most likely end up me being gone during big holidays. We have prepared ourselves for the worst. Compared to 3 months "on" and two days "off," the hectic schedules that reserve pilots, and even pilots holding a line get just don't sound nearly as bad as the past four years of our relationship have been.

Our biggest worry is probably financial. Me graduating with school debt, and my fiance finishing her online degree with some debt puts us in a debt hole. We have a commitment to each other to support each other through the good times and the bad. I am blessed to have her in my life. She is a great best friend and team mate in life, and I look forward to spending the rest of my life with her. She also loves to travel, and her ultimate goal is to be a travel writer. She is a very talented writer, and she is very knowledgeable about her career field. It's nice to have a best friend that loves to travel just as much as I do.

If you think that you and your wife can handle the burden of time, and possibly the financial burdens that will exist, then go for it. Just make sure you are both fully aware and prepared to handle the difficulties that lie ahead. VegasFlyer makes a good point. I know personally, I have 'ideas' of where I want to be as a pilot in the next five years, but the industry is so volatile that I have no idea where I will be in five years. Only time will tell. I hope this random writing at nearly two in the morning gives you some good insight.

-Justin

EDIT: I would like to add that although I have several references to me aspiring to become an airline pilot, I have no idea when that may happen. With the new 1,500 hour ATP rule, and with the way the airlines are, I may be instructing for a while and/or who knows maybe I will find a job doing something else with flying that I love. Time will tell.
 
MQAAord said:
-Having kids is hard. It's harder when the other half of the parental unit is gone 2-5 days a week. Don't carry a grudge that he's gone, it's just the way it is.
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Also: before deciding to have kids, anticipate the absences and be prepared for them so they're not a surprise and something that annoys you. Think about what it really means, what the responsibilities will be, and whether you want most of them BEFORE doing it.
 
SeatClutcher said:
Also: before deciding to have kids, anticipate the absences and be prepared for them so they're not a surprise and something that annoys you. Think about what it really means, what the responsibilities will be, and whether you want most of them BEFORE doing it.
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Absolutely.
 
Boris Badenov said:
We all spend our 25 days/month away from home boozing and womanizing, so the key is to make sure she doesn't know ANYONE you work with. On the plus side, it's a lot of fun.

What? I WAS KIDDING! Come on, that was funny. Put down the pitchforks.
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Are you serious about the 25 days away from home or are you exaggerating it. That seems like too much
 
MQAAord said:
Here's some advice for being a pilot's wife:

-Things break when he's gone. That's a fact. Deal with it. Be able to deal with a water heater that leaves you with an inch of water on the basement floor. Be able to deal with an a/c unit that quits working at 9:30 on a Friday night when it's going to be 105 the next day.

-He won't be there to "give you a break" when he gets home from work every night. Because he won't be home from work every night. When he does get home, don't jump right on him with a to-do list and demand that he get straight to doing stuff around the house, give him a few hours to get out of the uniform and decompress.

-Be independent. Co-depenedency WILL NOT WORK. You can't call him every couple hours during the day. Be your own person, have a hobby and/or things to keep you busy that YOU enjoy and that are for YOU.

-Having kids is hard. It's harder when the other half of the parental unit is gone 2-5 days a week. Don't carry a grudge that he's gone, it's just the way it is. Remember it's quality not quantity of time spent with family. 2-3 full days off a week spent wisely is better than 2 days off on the weekend with him off playing golf and getting home at 7pm and leaving for work at 7 am every weekday.

-Don't be jealous that he's off sleeping in hotels and "sleeping through the night" while you're home with baby, hotels are over-rated and a lot noisier and less "glamourous" than you think. I spent 7 years "living" in hotels with the airlines, I'll take my own bed in my own house any night of the week and twice on Sundays.

-Did I mention not to be co-dependent? Yeah, that's cause IT WON'T WORK.


My nickel's worth of free advice from someone who spent 7 of my own years at the airlines, 10 years as a pilot's wife and 9 years as mom.
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You go girl. Lol
 
Going Up said:
Pilot should only work 9 hours a day flying time and a maximum of 17 days a month.
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My best schedules were when I worked three LAX-GRU turns and had the rest of the month off. At my last job I usually worked 17 days a month consecutively and had mostly block time off. The job before that they kept extending me into days off against my will so I resigned.
So as you can see it varied a bit over the course of my career :)
 
Actually i dont mind flying everyday of the month, but it's just some piolts have a family and that not fair.

Life's not fair
 
Be flexible and don't be hard-nosed. Happy wife happy life? It's true. I have found that with this career you must be willing to sacrifice some of your wants because your family is also sacrificing. If you have been gone 4 days and get to be home for 3, the first thing you say when you get home to the wife and kids should probably not be "hey sweets, how are ya? missed you! Oh, i am going golfing all day tomorrow with the guys!". Like so many others have said, if you want to have a family in this industry, when you are home, be home and be there for them and not off doing your hobbies. If you want your off time to be only yours, i suggest staying single.

Also, if you are planning on having kids make sure all of your preparations are in order (nursery, supplies, day care/sitter) BEFORE the kid comes along. We are just starting to think about kids and I am already looking for a daycare that provides weekend services so that if she needs a day or two while I am gone over a weekend she can have it, we don't have family around us to help.

Good luck!
 
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