Hilarious pilot blog

I thoroughly enjoyed reading those. Thank you for sharing! I haven't laughed that hard in a while, especially toward the end of the second-most recent post. :laff:
 
Oh man, that was great! Reminded me of the good old days! lmao I hope whoever he is, he posts more soon. I laughed my azz off. I saw some blurb by going to the home page, that the host is "traveling" and supposed to be back. They host a few blogs or something from what I could garner from that page. Hope more follows.

Then there was "I tell the Capt. his flying sucks and is making people puke." lol

"Clean up the night before. Throw all my trash away so I can see any evidence I shouldn’t leave behind. Lay out socks shirt and underwear so I can find them by grope. Set my phone for a wakeup 45 minutes from the van. Get a hotel backup for 40 minutes from the van.
Tie is in my hat. Show time is written on the key. Do not disturb sign is hanging on the privacy latch to remind me not to forget my food in the fridge. Tip dollars for the van driver are in the right front pants pocket." The only thing he forgot is the wake up service phone call. (which always happens when you are already in the shower) Damn, the memories. Really a great find, thanks for posting it.
 
A Life Aloft said:
Oh man, that was great! Reminded me of the good old days! lmao I hope whoever he is, he posts more soon. I laughed my azz off. I saw some blurb by going to the home page, that the host is "traveling" and supposed to be back. They host a few blogs or something from what I could garner from that page. Hope more follows.

Then there was "I tell the Capt. his flying sucks and is making people puke." lol

"Clean up the night before. Throw all my trash away so I can see any evidence I shouldn’t leave behind. Lay out socks shirt and underwear so I can find them by grope. Set my phone for a wakeup 45 minutes from the van. Get a hotel backup for 40 minutes from the van.
Tie is in my hat. Show time is written on the key. Do not disturb sign is hanging on the privacy latch to remind me not to forget my food in the fridge. Tip dollars for the van driver are in the right front pants pocket." The only thing he forgot is the wake up service phone call. (which always happens when you are already in the shower) Damn, the memories. Really a great find, thanks for posting it.
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Forgetting the food in the fridge is a biggie. I hang a plastic bag on the fridge so that I don't forget.
 
Day 3
Wake up at 0200 and can’t go back to sleep. Give up and get in the shower at 0430. The scary Mexican is waiting for me when I get out.
Headed to <<HOME>> my tummy begins to make ominous sounds. There is cultural unrest. The Mexicans are fighting the Italians on the mean streets of my lower intestines. I can’t tell who’s winning but I am going to lose. Bad. And soon.


****ing on the airplane ranks just slightly above Nairing my b****. (A ”**** off it’s not funny” experiment in being colossally stupid resulting in 2nd degree chemical burns. But that’s another story.) We have an hour to go when the streets of Intestinisco catch fire.


I look over at Capt. B. He fares no better. Wild cow eyes of incontinence. Waxy desperation is coming off him in waves. He looks a little tense. We make fun of each other. He caves. “I’m not gonna make it.” I spend 15 minutes in the oxygen mask of victory. It is fleeting, but it’ victory.


We’re 30 minutes early in <<HOME>>. Gate is occupied. We sit. Emergency out-gassing is not at all appreciated by the Capt. I sit very still and practice not ****ing my pants. When we finally park, there’s no jetway driver. DANGER! DANGER! STRUCTURAL FAILURE IMMINIENT!
When the door opens, I follow three little old ladies up the jetway. They are old people oblivious to my presence even though I’m ping-ponging back and forth looking for a hole. Takes most of my self control not to just punch them all in the back of the head.


I hit open turf and speedwaddle to the John in that totally undignified a**-pinching way that screams “This man has to take a massive ****” or “is gay and in a real big hurry” to anyone who cares to look. (Which is of course most everyone). Evacuation is accompanied by bath house dance party sounds of ecstasy.


:clap:
 
KLB said:
Forgetting the food in the fridge is a biggie. I hang a plastic bag on the fridge so that I don't forget.
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Oh Yeah! Plus, there was always trotting off to the breakfast buffet at the hotel in the morning and stuffing your jacket pockets with donuts, bagels, fruit and little boxes of cereal for the road too. Hopefully you already threw the hotel pens and note pads in your bag leaving more room in your pockets. I have no idea why people think pilots are cheap bastards. lol
 
A Life Aloft said:
Oh Yeah! Plus, there was always trotting off to the breakfast buffet at the hotel in the morning and stuffing your jacket pockets with donuts, bagels, fruit and little boxes of cereal for the road too. Hopefully you already threw the hotel pens and note pads in your bag leaving more room in your pockets. I have no idea why people think pilots are cheap bastards. lol
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LOL!! Wow you just described my season as a survey pilot exactly! haha I quickly learned that the little 'glovebox' on the right side of the 172 panel is really deep and stays warm with the heater on. It kept my hotel cinnabuns nice and warm even while I was flying, this was after I took the donuts out of my plastic baggie lined pockets :D
 
Mark815 said:
LOL!! Wow you just described my season as a survey pilot exactly! haha I quickly learned that the little 'glovebox' on the right side of the 172 panel is really deep and stays warm with the heater on. It kept my hotel cinnabuns nice and warm even while I was flying, this was after I took the donuts out of my plastic baggie lined pockets :D
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It's in all pilot's DNA. lol
 
This guy should write a book! I can totally relate to all the stuff he is writing about. Funny, but also true;)
 
KLB said:
Forgetting the food in the fridge is a biggie. I hang a plastic bag on the fridge so that I don't forget.
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I used to do that all the time on our PHF overnight. Would walk down to the food lion down the street, stock up for the rest of the 4 day. Then I would leave it in the fridge as I left...damn near every single time.

That'll teach me for trying to eat healthy.
 
...I don’t have room in my head for the good/evil duality this windfall of good fortune represents....I’m going to have to punch a child or something. Balance the scales a little.
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This, so far, is the best line yet. This guy has a gift with descriptions, is this what we all look forward to.

Maybe this should be required reading for all future and student pilots asking questions about what it is like.
 
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