girlfriend issues

Fred the Barber said:
Be yourself. If she loves you for who you are, she will make as much effort as you have. Lay off the attention toward her and see where it goes when she is the one that has to make the calls and make the moves. I'm guessing she is window shopping, knowing she has you in her back pocket if other options don't work. Beware: A guy who is viewed as "smothering" from the womans standpoint is not good. Being a little more elusive will likely pay off. Women seem to like challenges for some strange reason.
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:yeahthat:

just because she wants a break doesn't necessarily mean she's out there smackin' someone else already (girls don't operate the same way guys do when they "want a break") but she probably is looking (ie: window shopping)....remember, with a lot of girls, it's all about the bird with the most colorful tail, cleanest feathers and/or sweetest song...it could also be that she may feel you're smothering her too much and yea, smothering and/or too much attention doesn't work (typically).

make yourself a challenge, make her chase your colorful tail and see where it gets you. if she doesn't sing back, let her go.
 
Kristie said:
:yeahthat:

just because she wants a break doesn't necessarily mean she's out there smackin' someone else already (girls don't operate the same way guys do when they "want a break") but she probably is looking (ie: window shopping)....remember, with a lot of girls, it's all about the bird with the most colorful tail, cleanest feathers and/or sweetest song...it could also be that she may feel you're smothering her too much and yea, smothering and/or too much attention doesn't work (typically).

make yourself a challenge, make her chase your colorful tail and see where it gets you. if she doesn't sing back, let her go.
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Thanks for all of the input/advice... some of it I agree with, some of it I don't. That's good though, kept me thinking. After talking with some mutual friends... Kristie's response sounds like the closest to being accurate. I'm not trying to smother her, I've been doing what she's been asking of me. I won't call/text and see what happens. We do have dinner set up in a couple weeks-- meet up and see what happens. She wanted that. I do hope it works out, but if not... life goes on. I'm not on a quest for a new woman at the moment... if this doesn't work, I think I'll take some time off.
 
rjmore said:
Sounds to me like she wants out but doesn't want to hurt you. Let her go and see what happens.
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:yeahthat:

I don't think anyone can say (nor should they say) with any certainty that she's seeing someone else.

It does, though, sound like she's tried to break up a few times, and that you've tried and tried to get her back. It's hard to say "no" to someone who tries that hard and who won't take no for an answer.

I agree with rjmore - just let it be, let her go, and move on.
 
Not to "pile on," but I have to agree with the majority of my fellow-JC'ers. You sound like a nice guy who has a good head on his shoulders and she's probably trying not to hurt you. Whether she's seeing someone new or not, it doesn't sound like she's as much into the relationship as you are. I know it hurts like hell (believe me, most of us have been there--some more times than others) and it always works out for the best. You need to find someone who makes you happy and who you make happy. It's very difficult to be in a meaningful relationship where you're always wondering "what if..."
I wish you nothing but the best. You sound like you deserve it.
 
WildCougar said:
Not to "pile on," but I have to agree with the majority of my fellow-JC'ers. You sound like a nice guy who has a good head on his shoulders and she's probably trying not to hurt you. Whether she's seeing someone new or not, it doesn't sound like she's as much into the relationship as you are. I know it hurts like hell (believe me, most of us have been there--some more times than others) and it always works out for the best. You need to find someone who makes you happy and who you make happy. It's very difficult to be in a meaningful relationship where you're always wondering "what if..."
I wish you nothing but the best. You sound like you deserve it.
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gomntwins said:
I'm not on a quest for a new woman at the moment... if this doesn't work, I think I'll take some time off.
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Read the posts here and didn't add anything because you were getting great advice. The only thing to comment on is the line I hilighted above. You don't have to "buy" or make a really long term commitment with everyone. Sample the wares a little - live and be happy. Don't close yourself off to any women - just take things for what they are and have fun.

Keep in mind what the New Orleans Journal of Medicine has recently reported: Binge Drinking and Promiscuous Sex are Good for You.
 
You know at times like this, It really does not hurt to......


COME ( ERR I MEAN GO) TO JAMAICA, AND FEEL ALRIGHT!!:nana2:

and if you are lucky you might get your groove back!!!!;)
 
gomntwins said:
Hey, I'm not one to really talk about my personal life... but I'm in a bad position at the moment with my longterm girlfriend. I'm looking for any advice.

My situation: I fly freight and live in a town that's 350 miles away from my g/f. She's in grad school at the moment working on her PhD... we've been doing this for about 2 years now. Prior to this we'd lived together for years. Amazingly we went for the first year and a half of living 300 miles apart without any large issues. It's been really nice actually-- she proved to me that we'd actually work together with me being a pilot. She's extremely independent and has proven that above and beyond. We ran into some issues about 6 months ago, worked through those... and hit a rough patch about a month and a half ago where she actually 'broke' up with me. She wasn't sure if we were right for one another. Weird deal actually-- we were talking about engagement rings on Sunday, everything sounded ok on wed., thurs. I new something was wrong... Friday and it was supposedly done. Within three weeks, with a lot of convincing... and more new clothes than I've bought in years... I talked her into dinner. Dinner went very well, we essentially got back together. Everything has been a little weird... but I've went out of my way to make sure everything's been as perfect as possible-- I made the trek on weekends... and did my best to have wonderful dates. It went well. Things would be great on saturday/sunday after the first 30 minutes of awkward... I'd head home sunday, talk with her throughout the week... and by the end of the week you could hear her having doubts (the distance is killing me at the moment I think). She didn't want me to come this weekend because of school work... she just called me (sunday night) and says she wants to take a 'break'.

My questions: First off, I don't know what a break is... anybody? Also, where should I go from here? She wasn't as negative about us this time around... but it's not positive. She already has agreed to meet me from dinner in a couple weeks. I'm fairly confident I can convince her back. Any ideas on how to prove myself? She knows I love her... she knows how hard I'm trying... but she doesn't know if we're right. This has been a fairly problem free relationship for a long time-- but not anymore. I'm giving her what she wants... I'm not acting all stalker or anything... I gave her space last time around... but did my best to stay in her life-- calling every few days, etc. It worked-- although not really. Any ideas? I'm really confused. Where should I go from here?
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I just want to give my advice on this. You are in a tough spot, especially after investing so many years of your life into this one woman and now she is having second thoughts about the two of you. Tough man. In my opinion and experiences, when woman says she needs a "break" it means the following things..

1. She is losing her attraction for you.

2. You're not the man she once fell in "love" with.

3. She is probably seeing someone else.

4. There is a 95% chance the relationship will be over.

You, my friend, are doing all the wrong things by TRYING to CONVINCE her to stay with you. Come on dude, you cannot make or convince someone to be with you. It makes you look as if she is the only thing in your life and you have nothing else going for you. A woman often finds it attractive when a man has more to his life than just her, trust me on this. I honestly don't think that the distance has anything to do with it. My guess is during the period of time she most likely started seeing someone else while at the sametime the two of you were having difficulties in the relationship. Her making excuses not to come because of school work is all an act and the more she pushes you off, the more you try to win her back. Keep away from her for now, let her know you have other important activities in your life besides proving your love to her..lol. Ignore her for a while and when you guys do talk, dont forget to mention that you are having fun and there are lots of girls out there who you are hanging out with. Just make sure it is true!! Goodluck!
 
And THANK YOU for keeping it civil, folks!

I was quite paranoid it was going to devolve into something misogynistic but I was wrong and I apologize.
 
Heh. Reading this thread reminded me of being in a somewhat similar situation a little over a year ago. It was the first time I'd been really wrapped in a girl in a long time - up until then, I'd been pretty apathetic about relationships or "feelings". At the time, many of my friends had said "dude, let it go. Bad relationship." But after saying this once or twice with me not heeding them, they just shut up and didn't say anything. Other friends didn't say anything at all as to not rock the boat. It took a few months for me to get over it, but once I did - I found my old self again.

I pretty much agree with all those who posted here. I'm adding my .02 to give everyone who responded props for supporting you. That support system (from people who generally don't know you and aren't afraid to really say what they mean, but care) is huge!

Keep your head high bro!!
 
True Story

Like most other people have posted, been there too. Some years ago the girlfriend wanted the dreaded "break" (my heart is now racing and my stomach is in my throat). I got mad, got drunk and I mean really drunk. I thought for sure she had been getting "friendly" with someone else. Long story short, I cut off all contact, moved on and poured myself into flying or learning every second I could. Also made a few "friends" along the way, good experiences! So five years go by and I run into her in an airport standing about a foot away. We started talking and she revealed that there had not been anyone else and she had f#$%$ up really bad. Started seeing each other again four years ago and are about to get engaged. Moral of the story: move on, if it is right, it will find you. Absurd amounts partying and meeting other women is highly recommended.
 
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