Funny Passenger Announcements

I had a friend check on with Chinook Approach by saying, "Chinook Approach this is Skycock...uhhh.... I mean Skyhawk XXXXX" The controller laughed and my friend was pretty embarrassed to say the least.
 
Right before startup in the 206 this summer:
"How long have you been a pilot?"
"Pilot? Hell, I just stayed in a holiday inn express last night." Said right as I fire up.
 
As I was handing a flight attendant paperwork on a really delayed flight today the CA was making his PA. I caught this part of it as he explained why the plane held for an hour inbound and generally why SFO has flow: "So when the cloud ceiling is so low that when we start our approach to the runway we can't see it, we need to switch to instruments. Unfortunately, we keep our guitars in the cargo hold and we had to fly in circles over the ocean while the co-pilot searched high and low for our instruments". Everybody laughed out loud, including me. I fist bumped him when he was done with the PA.
:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
 
ChasenSFO said:
As I was handing a flight attendant paperwork on a really delayed flight today the CA was making his PA. I caught this part of it as he explained why the plane held for an hour inbound and generally why SFO has flow: "So when the cloud ceiling is so low that when we start our approach to the runway we can't see it, we need to switch to instruments. Unfortunately, we keep our guitars in the cargo hold and we had to fly in circles over the ocean while the co-pilot searched high and low for our instruments". Everybody laughed out loud, including me. I fist bumped him when he was done with the PA.
:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
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Thats original
 
"OK folks, we are number one for departure, I have turned the sit down and shut up signs on (Fasten seat belts, no smoking signs). If you have any concerns while we are in the air, keep them to yourself because someone has to fly this thing!"

I gave this one to a guy that flies with us regularly. We've been to lunch a bunch and have a personal/friendly relationship outside of work, so I knew he'd be o.k. with it before we departed. He's one of those guy's you go out of your way for to make sure he has a good time on the flight, because he's a good tipper if he see's you going the extra mile for him.
 
I was toolin' along in Minnesota one night somewhere near MSP. The controller was giving out her usual "cross shons at maintain 11,000" when she got the giggles and from outta nowhere some old pervy sounding guy gets on and says

Did someone reach out and tickle you?

She says

Oh no sir, not in a long time!
 
Cal Varnson said:
I was toolin' along in Minnesota one night somewhere near MSP. The controller was giving out her usual "cross shons at maintain 11,000" when she got the giggles and from outta nowhere some old pervy sounding guy gets on and says

Did someone reach out and tickle you?

She says

Oh no sir, not in a long time!
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Flying from IAD to EWR last month 4 pilots told the controller and I to get a room.
 
Several years back I was at Austin making my way to the next intersection When I saw a beat up motor home roll out in front of me. The ground controller told me to hold position because "cousin Eddy" was loose on the taxi ways.
 
ppragman said:
Right before startup in the 206 this summer:
"How long have you been a pilot?"
"Pilot? Hell, I just stayed in a holiday inn express last night." Said right as I fire up.
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Lol, ive used the same line. I dont think ive been on a flight yet where someone hasnt asked me how old i was or how long ive been flying.


Not really funny, but kind of strange:

On our amphib briefing cards, it instructs the pax to remind the pilots to check the gear for water landings. Then, in all caps, it says "if the gear are down on water, the plane will flip. thank you, enjoy your flight" I will say, its effective.

I think ive posted this one before, but still A little funny, one of our favorites in the dhc-2 is that no matter where we are, when a controller asks us to report our position, the pilot says "XXX appch, the beaver's eight out." Thats pissed a few controllers of a certain gender off, but oh well.

I think the oddest thing ive had happen in the plane is back when the oil spill flying was in full swing, i flew a couple guys from green peace. One of them asks me "whats the weirdest thing that you've seen thrown out the plane?"

I say, "im not sure why?"

He proceeds to explain to me that he spent some time the week before on an indian reservation in arizona, and the tribal chief gave him magic crystals that are supposed to "heal troubled waters," and he wanted to throw them out.

I was kind of in shock, so i looked over at him, and just said "Are you *edited* with me?"

He said no, and asked if he could throw them out, i just looked at him and said, "well, i guess it couldnt hurt huh? And, oh yeah, dont forget to put those in your time machine." I dont think he got the napolean dynamite reference, but oh well.
 
JulietBravo said:
Southwest has to be king at these kind of announcements. I fly on them every week and it's always something new. Except for the "Did anyone loose a wallet? Ha, now I have your attention. Please pull out the emergency safety card....." That one is getting old to me. But one lady sang, another said they were collecting "cups, cans, $50 bills..", another said "Would the owner of a black lexus parked in the tow-away zone please move your car.. as we were taking off. "Please turn off all blackberries, blueberries, strawberries, and another other berry with an on or off switch." I hear something new every flight.
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The "Please turn off all blackberries, strawberries, blueberries, mangos, bananas..." got old really quick! As soon as one flight attendant said that the other one took note to try and pull a funny... when really, it was old after the first time!
 
While flying into ONT recently:

Me: SoCal approach this is Boeing 123 at 5000' info T

SoCal Her: Boeing 123......then a bunch of unintelligible babble

Me: I have no idea what you just said

SoCal Her: Well, at least you're honest.
 
I was recently stuck waiting on a misconnected Captain. I got the flight deck as set up as I could and glanced at the empty left seat. Then I glanced at my watch. I picked up the handset..

.."Well, folks, good evening and welcome aboard flight xxxx to (wherever), this is the First Officer speaking. You may have noticed that our departure time has come and gone. We do apologize about that, but unfortunately due to the weather the Captain has been delayed arriving on another flight. We do have to wait for him.

I am physically capable of flying the plane by myself, but there would be a lot of people that would get really upset with me if I did that, and besides, the Captain has to sign the paperwork. So we'll just have to wait. In the meantime, we appreciate your good humor and your patience."

I also once told passengers that while we were behind schedule, we would go as fast as we could safely allow. The airplane wasn't rated for the speed of sound, so we'd aim for the 'speed of smell'.

EDIT: Levity at the gate seems to go over well. If the airplane's not moving, pilots can be funny. Otherwise PAX seem to want us to be ultra-serious. If you're in motion, leave the jokes to the FAs. They'll probably be telling the PAX what you wore last night on the layover. ;)
 
dasleben said:
After a reroute and vectors to the 8s (rare in IAH) they were down to about 5000 lbs of fuel and were getting pretty nervous. Me being an RJ guy could only think "5000? That's release fuel on some flights." Perspective, I guess. :D
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I've had an L1011 land with - lets call it under 10K - not by choice for either of us. L10's average burn is 18k/hr.


Way back when, I had a pilot ask me how the fog was down in the PIE area. I humorously told him he would find out when he gets there. My trainer wasn't impressed.
 
F9DXER said:
Way back when, I had a pilot ask me how the fog was down in the PIE area. I humorously told him he would find out when he gets there. My trainer wasn't impressed.
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Haha, we had a pilot who flew the aviation coordinator for exxon a while back, ended up getting a letter frm exxon about his performance. Didnt give a briefing, didnt set the compass, and when asked how the wx was, he said we'll find out when we get there.

Keep in mind, they're going out into water, theres not exactly an ATIS, and exxon in ridiculous with their requests. They want two pilots on all planes, life jackets and life rafts have to be on even the float planes, and we gotta fly a twin to fly their line out in the gulf.
 
cmill said:
Keep in mind, they're going out into water, theres not exactly an ATIS, and exxon in ridiculous with their requests. They want two pilots on all planes, life jackets and life rafts have to be on even the float planes, and we gotta fly a twin to fly their line out in the gulf.
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Heh, heh... you can thank my Pops for that! He was the Aviation Dept manager for Mobil right before the merger of Exxon and Mobil, and he trained the people who took over when he retired.
 
We were on an early morning flight down to Orlando awhile back when the frequency got pretty quite. After awhile another pilot came on and asked ATC, "You still there?" The controller came back with, "Ya, sorry about that, I stepped away for a cup of coffee, did I miss anyhting?" I don't know if that other pilot found it funny, but I did.:laff:
 
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