"From the Flight Deck"

I've been using "folks" instead of "Ladies and Gentleman", but I had a captain the other day point out that we weren't Southwest. I'll normally give the precip type if there is any, but tend to generalize the rest as much as I can. This same captain that corrected me on the SWA thing also would take out a calculator to figure C to F. More recently I have been adding in something to look at out one side of the aircraft if warrented. The River visual into DC or up the Hudson into LGA work well for those. Then again, you look really stupid when they turn the airport around on you and go a different way. Oh yeah... "from the flight deck" is definatly out. This ain't not aircraft carrier. And cockpit? You try saying that with a straight face when your captain keeps making goofy remarks about it.
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C to F is pretty easy. Double it and add thirty. Half of the time I forget to look at the weather before I start my PA and end up making it up entirely.

The weather, for the most part, is for the old farts anyway. Generally when I fly somewhere for vacation, I already know the ten-day forecast!
 
BobDDuck said:
I've been using "folks" instead of "Ladies and Gentleman", but I had a captain the other day point out that we weren't Southwest. I'll normally give the precip type if there is any, but tend to generalize the rest as much as I can. This same captain that corrected me on the SWA thing also would take out a calculator to figure C to F. More recently I have been adding in something to look at out one side of the aircraft if warrented. The River visual into DC or up the Hudson into LGA work well for those. Then again, you look really stupid when they turn the airport around on you and go a different way. Oh yeah... "from the flight deck" is definatly out. This ain't not aircraft carrier. And cockpit? You try saying that with a straight face when your captain keeps making goofy remarks about it.
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I wonder who you were flying with...

I usually just say "We're number X for T/O, I'd like to ask our flight attendant X to be seated for departure." The best is when we're in a hurry and I ask the captain for the FA's name and we both can't remember so I just mumble a name or make up one like Buffy or Hildegard.

EDIT: Did you tell him you don't need no stinkin' calculator? What is it, degrees C times 2 minus 1/10 of that number plus 32?
 
Ahh, the luxury of only having one. Try having three!

*ching* "It's hot in coach"

*ching* "Uhh, ya know, we could use a ahh, little more air back in coach, it's ok towards the front..."

*ching* "I'm burnin' up!"
 
Doug Taylor said:
Ahh, the luxury of only having one. Try having three!

*ching* "It's hot in coach"

*ching* "Uhh, ya know, we could use a ahh, little more air back in coach, it's ok towards the front..."

*ching* "I'm burnin' up!"
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The heat on the CRJ 200 sux, apparently the 700 is like the Ronco skewer thingamaboby. "Set it and forget it!" I've spent a whole 4 day trip monitoring the ECS page just trying to keep the FA happy. Next time they call to ask to warm things up tell 'em you'll trow unutter log on da fire and see what they say.
 
When I was a passenger on international flights throught asiana and cathay pacific, the pilots rarely announced except for the usual good morning/evening, enjoy the flight. The FA,however, would talk non-stop giving us all the details instead.
 
EDUC8-or said:
The heat on the CRJ 200 sux, apparently the 700 is like the Ronco skewer thingamaboby. "Set it and forget it!" I've spent a whole 4 day trip monitoring the ECS page just trying to keep the FA happy. Next time they call to ask to warm things up tell 'em you'll trow unutter log on da fire and see what they say.
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I'll give them two free calls every 90 minutes. Then I set it and forget it.

Funniest thing I heard one day was "It's ok in coach and in first, but it's real chilly by the 1L jumpseat".

The captain says, "Well, do another cabin service, you'll be back in that warm passenger cabin and the people will be happy"
 
Doug Taylor said:
I'll give them two free calls every 90 minutes. Then I set it and forget it.

Funniest thing I heard one day was "It's ok in coach and in first, but it's real chilly by the 1L jumpseat".

The captain says, "Well, do another cabin service, you'll be back in that warm passenger cabin and the people will be happy"
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The FA we had on our 4 day that was always cold or hot would call AT LEAST 2 times a flight. We would have 5:15 departures with 2 people on board both sound asleep and she would say "The PAX are cold, can you turn up the heat?" when the PAX were sound asleep. Gotta love the peephole. The CA just told her to tell us that she was cold and fess up. And these 2 calls were coming on 25 min to 1 hour 15 min legs. Go figure.
 
Doug Taylor said:
Nah, it'd be more like a few pointers like:

* Keep it short.
* Keep it to the point.
* When in doubt, put DOWN the microphone.
* Weather is cloudy/partly-cloudy/clear/rainy with temperature that's it. Saying "Low visibility" is kosher, but who in the world cares that "visibility is six miles in haze"
* Leave out the wind information. Unless it's hurricane-force, or you want your passengers to stress out about your landing after the PA said "winds are out of the south at 15 knots, gusting to 30"
* "...once again from the cockpit/flight-deck..." should never be said.

But that's about it. :)
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**And, before beginning your 10 minute verbal soliloquy about "extraneous minutia" on everything aviation, *PLEASE* make sure you're not transmitting over an ATC freq! Had to listen to one of those lengthy speeches just last week over Minneapolis Center by someone who made any teenage girl on the telephone sound like a rank amateur.

Have to admit though, the entertainment value from all the verbal jousting afterward by everyone who had to sit through that was absolutely priceless!
 
EDUC8-or said:
The FA we had on our 4 day that was always cold or hot would call AT LEAST 2 times a flight. We would have 5:15 departures with 2 people on board both sound asleep and she would say "The PAX are cold, can you turn up the heat?" when the PAX were sound asleep. Gotta love the peephole. The CA just told her to tell us that she was cold and fess up. And these 2 calls were coming on 25 min to 1 hour 15 min legs. Go figure.
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Oh, I've got that one beat, easy!

So we're flying into Orange County.

Heavy, full jet, just got thru raining so the surface was a little slick and a crosswind so you've got to be 'on your a-game'.

Landed in the touchdown zone, full reverse, medium autobrakes, everything is looking good as we decelerate thru 120 knots.

*ching!*

Staying on target, get it slowed on the centerline.

60 knots, ok, we'll be able to make the taxiway.

*ching!* *ching!*

I figure something has to be wrong because she's called back again.

"Yeah?"

"Oh, whenever you get a chance, it got a teenie-bit stuffy".
 
Doug Taylor said:
Oh, I've got that one beat, easy!

So we're flying into Orange County.

Heavy, full jet, just got thru raining so the surface was a little slick and a crosswind so you've got to be 'on your a-game'.

Landed in the touchdown zone, full reverse, medium autobrakes, everything is looking good as we decelerate thru 120 knots.

*ching!*

Staying on target, get it slowed on the centerline.

60 knots, ok, we'll be able to make the taxiway.

*ching!* *ching!*

I figure something has to be wrong because she's called back again.

"Yeah?"

"Oh, whenever you get a chance, it got a teenie-bit stuffy".
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I wouldn't be happy about that. The only people who bother us when we're sterile is DX. If you've ever heard the "SELCAL" aural from a CRJ it'll startle you a bit because it's very loud. Nothing like battling a 25kt X-wind @ 500 AGL and hearing the "SELCAL" to wake you up even more than you could possibly believe you were awake.

EDIT: What's the ECS like in the Mad Dawg? When we go idle in the 200 with the bleeds on the engines there's no air at all. Then after touchdown we fire up the APU, switch the bleeds, and VOILA! The air is back in bidness.
 
Well I must say that when I flew Delta into SLC last year in March, the captain wouldn't stop talking. When we landed in SLC before we are even close to getting off the runway, he gives us the welcome to BLAH BLAH BLAH speech, normally done by the FAs. Then at the gate he said a bunch of stuff and in hotlanta he said a ton of stuff, like many of you said, straight from the ATIS.

Kinda funny expierience!
 
SELCAL (it sounds like "cell call" when coming over the speaker) is short fo Selective Call. In 121 ops it is required that you keep a radio watch on a frequency that dispatch can reach you on. There were a bunch of frequencies set aside which are now run by ARINC. Because it was annoying to have to listen to lots of blather that didn't have anything to do with you on these frequencies they developed a way to selectivly call a certain aircraft. Every aircraft in the sytem is given a 4 letter ID code and when it hears that ID broadcast (through tones on frequency) it triggers a SELCAL aural and you turn up the frequency and listen in. ACARS has mostly taken care of this so you don't have to monitor the open frequency anymore, but the back side works the same way. There are two problems with the system. First off, there aren't that many 4 letter combinations and there are actualy multiple aircraft that have the same ID assigned. The way around this is to assign them to planes based in different geographic area, but this doesn't always work. The second problem is that the aural is REALLY loud. The reasoning I have heard for this is that if both crew members fall asleep (not that that would ever happen) it is the last ditch effort to wake them up. I am really happy for the ACARS as I have flown a few airframes that have MEL'd ACARS and it is a pain monitoring the ARINC freq on VHF#2. It seems that half the country is part of SanFran ARINC.
 
One thing a guy did on UAL which I thought was cool was to make the general announcement, which he kept brief, and then he said, if you want more details about our flight, turn to channel nine.

He went into more details there.

I thought that was ideal. We were on a 747 from SAN to DEN -- yes, I know, it's highly ridiculous to do that, but they did. Anyway, he gave details on the approach we were flying, what landmarks to look for, and so on.

And he only gave that information to those who wanted it...which probably was only me.:)
 
Now Doug, As a Delta guy you must recall the new hire training video in which a female platinum meddalion million-miler goes on and on about how she loves the pa's about where the plane is and what the landmarks are etc. And the very next guy they show is a business-type in a suit and he says he hates pa's. "Tell me when we'll be there and then shut up!" or something to that effect. The point was that no matter what you do or say, or don't say for that matter, you will piss someone off. And if you are delayed, the pax always think you are keeping some secret info from them about the bad weather, the cause of a delay, the takeoff time or whatever. Like most guys at Delta, I tried to vary my PA's and I would keep it short and sweet unless the Captain was one of those guys that pulled out the 'Captain's atlas'. Inevitably, they were the ones to make the longest stupidest PA's I have ever heard.
 
My typical CRJ PA at Mesa/UsAirExpress:

"Good morning this is your captain slash cruise director from up here at the pointy end of the airplane, and welcome to flight #, er what flight # are we? Oh yeah, 5xxx and we'll be flying you to er, where are we going again? Oh yeah, Boston! Please hurry up and find your seat because we hear one is missing. We'll be flying very high, very fast and getting there sometime today, because we feature same-day service at USAir Express.
 
Tom said:
Now Doug, As a Delta guy you must recall the new hire training video in which a female platinum meddalion million-miler goes on and on about how she loves the pa's about where the plane is and what the landmarks are etc. And the very next guy they show is a business-type in a suit and he says he hates pa's. "Tell me when we'll be there and then shut up!" or something to that effect. The point was that no matter what you do or say, or don't say for that matter, you will piss someone off. And if you are delayed, the pax always think you are keeping some secret info from them about the bad weather, the cause of a delay, the takeoff time or whatever. Like most guys at Delta, I tried to vary my PA's and I would keep it short and sweet unless the Captain was one of those guys that pulled out the 'Captain's atlas'. Inevitably, they were the ones to make the longest stupidest PA's I have ever heard.
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Weeeeeeee another Delta pilot to the melee of the board!

:)
 
Tom said:
Now Doug, As a Delta guy you must recall the new hire training video in which a female platinum meddalion million-miler goes on and on about how she loves the pa's about where the plane is and what the landmarks are etc. And the very next guy they show is a business-type in a suit and he says he hates pa's. "Tell me when we'll be there and then shut up!" or something to that effect. The point was that no matter what you do or say, or don't say for that matter, you will piss someone off. And if you are delayed, the pax always think you are keeping some secret info from them about the bad weather, the cause of a delay, the takeoff time or whatever. Like most guys at Delta, I tried to vary my PA's and I would keep it short and sweet unless the Captain was one of those guys that pulled out the 'Captain's atlas'. Inevitably, they were the ones to make the longest stupidest PA's I have ever heard.
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Tom,

Welcome to the forum. How long were you with Delta?
 
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