Fiance doesn't want to move -

Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

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Son, you need to attend "Marriage counseling basic course for pilots"

hosted by MikeD and Lloyd.



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Well we still have yet to meet your "sig. other" something tells me that it is really Jopie waitin at home for you in Queencreek!
Sounds like he finally landed his man (hehehe).

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-Matthew
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

I have had the some issues trying to balance my career and marriage. In the end a compromise was made. I wanted nothing more than to attend one of the big schools. My wife has a strong career here in GRR, so she did'nt want to move. After hours of bashing my head in I understood that there was nothing wrong with an FBO. I could do the traning 20 minutes from home. I also made her aware that when I become a pro pilot, we will have lifestyle changes. Away for holidays, and the like. I made sure she understood all the pitfalls involved and I think you need to let your fiance know all of them. Above all remember you are not married yet. Love is give and take on both ends. Are concessions being made equally? Don't make a choice now that will cause resentment in the future. If you do that you wont be a pilot or married.
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

I appreciate all the comments.

I will be 22 in February.

Yes I have only added 25 hours in almost a year and a half. When I started my PPL I had three thousand dollars saved for flight costs, and that didn't get it finished. I was only working part time, and so I had plenty of time to fly. I ran out of money, and had to go back to work full time.

Unfortunately flying got put on the back burner. My parents and I have been talking for a few months about me going to a flight school. Untill recently they told me that I would have to come up with finances for it. Most recently, they told me that the finances are no longer a problem.

Me and my fiance have been together since 17.
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

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Since your first post 16 mo ago, you have added 25 hrs of flying time and you're still not done with your PPL. I take it you haven't done anything about starting your degree yet, either. But you have had time to visit FS and make an expensive decision to go there even though your fiancee is totally against it. And your parents are footing the bill for all this now, vs the Key loan you were talking about needing in late 2003. Something tells me you haven't looked at all the angles on this profession yet.

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Assumptions are easy to make, when you look at a small snippet of information. I wish I could explain it all to you, but it isn't possible.

I was in the area on business, and I like the school.

I don't know it all, but I have spent a while looking.
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

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I'm not convinced you're ready for marriage OR FlightSafety!

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Well this isn't a sales pitch
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Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

Hey man,


I've gotta tell you a story here. Almost three years ago I met this chic named Emily. She was cute, good for a conversation and an all around cool person. When I met Emily I was just starting on my instrument training. When me and Emily finally got around to that dating thing, I had just finished my instrument rating later that summer (she was one of the first person I took into the clouds, she just didn't know it at the time). In the 2 and a half years that I've dated this Emily chic I've logged 26 hours. That's right, I hit the 200 hour mark and pretty much stopped flying. In the last year I've flown 2.3 hours, and I had not flown for 11 months before that. My BFR was done in July, and I won't fly again until May/June when I go down to Skymates to finish up my certificates. Know what?

She's worth it in spades.

As a lot of people have said, compramise is a big part of this relationship thing. That's something I've learned, because I pretty much stopped flying when we started dating; I simply couldn't afford it. Quite honestly I couldn't be happier. What really gets me going is that she fully supports me, and will deal with me being gone for 6 weeks to finish the rest of my training, and she'll deal with the crappy schedule until I'm 60. She knows what is coming, and she's given up a lot to be with me.

Moral of the story? Ya'll both have to be willing to compromise. Lord knows me and Emily have both given up a lot to be with each other. We don't see our friends much on the weekends because we're together, gas costs are horrible and the emotional tole of this distance thing can suck sometimes too. Seems to me like ya'll need to both be willing to come to some middle ground on the issue, otherwise you might be in for some rough times ahead. If I had decided that flying was way more important than Emily then my life would be a heck of a lot different, and I think it would suck a lot more.

BTW Emily is TheShortOne, and that's me in her avatar.

Good luck dude


John Herreshoff
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

No, it's not a sales pitch.

But I think some people have given you some great advice here. Especially concerning the compromise necessary to make a marriage work. I would love to up and go to ATP everyday, but I make the compromise to wait to continue my flight training until my kids are older. I could just say 'well, I like ATP, and I ought to be able to do whatever I want', but with my current situation, compromises are necessary. When I first got married, I lived in IND for six months. I didn't really want to live in IND, but I knew we'd be buying a house within the relative future, and so I made the compromise to live somewhere I didn't really want to for a little while. I knew I was signing up for a hellish commute between IND-JFK/LGA, but I accepted that and dealt with it.

Does she never want to leave the area you live in now? Or just she just not want to live elsewhere right now . If FS is the only school you'll consider (and I think you're being short-sighted if it is), and she'll deal with a long-distance thing for a while, she can stay and you can go, and later when you're ready to start a CFI gig or something somewhere she can join you. But if she never wants to leave town, you're going to have a hard time with your working/living arrangements in the future!

Compromise & Communication!

If it's not going to work out, best to find out now. Better to go through a sad break-up young than a nasty divorce older!
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

I am engaged, getting married in 6 weeks actually, my fiance is a brand spanking new FO for ASA, when he got the job he asked me if I wanted to move to ATL, I told him no. But, that didn't not mean that I did not want him to pursue his dream of being an airline pilot, and that also did not mean that If I did not move that we would not be together anymore. Unfortunately, this is a VERY tough decision that both of you have to make. One thing that you have to keep in mind is that is does not involve just "you" and it does not involve just "her" this involves the BOTH of you who have made the decision to become a married couple. If you want to make it work, it will, but it will take a lot of work on both parts. Give her the option to stay home during the training, put the wedding off for when you're done. What if you go to Delta Connection Academy? They have flight benefits for all their instructors and you could have her fly back and forth on your companion passes........ just an option to keep in mind. Best of luck to both of you!!
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Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Son, you need to attend "Marriage counseling basic course for pilots"

hosted by MikeD and Lloyd.



grin.gif


[/ QUOTE ]

Well we still have yet to meet your "sig. other" something tells me that it is really Jopie waitin at home for you in Queencreek!
Sounds like he finally landed his man (hehehe).

tongue.gif
wink.gif
smirk.gif
grin.gif
cwm27.gif



-Matthew

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Ouch! LOL
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Fiance doesn\'t want to move

[ QUOTE ]
Hey man,
I've gotta tell you a story here. Almost three years ago I met this chic named Emily. She was cute, good for a conversation and an all around cool person. . Know what?

She's worth it in spades. John Herreshoff

[/ QUOTE ]

Whipped!

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Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

[ QUOTE ]
Hey man,


I've gotta tell you a story here. Almost three years ago I met this chic named Emily. She was cute, good for a conversation and an all around cool person.

Know what?

She's worth it in spades.


John Herreshoff

[/ QUOTE ]

Man......you aint kidding. Tell me about it. She and I used to.....

D'oh!

grin.gif
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
Hey man,


I've gotta tell you a story here. Almost three years ago I met this chic named Emily. She was cute, good for a conversation and an all around cool person.

Know what?

She's worth it in spades.


John Herreshoff

[/ QUOTE ]

Man......you aint kidding. Tell me about it. She and I used to.....

D'oh!

grin.gif


[/ QUOTE ]

oh you like(d) it!
grin.gif
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

you've gotten a lot of really great advice! when it comes down to it.. if you love the chick (and she you) and you love flying - they have to go hand in hand and there WILL be sacrifices made on BOTH sides by the entire TEAM to make everything work out nicely.

remember that marriage can wait - you have a long road ahead of you, career wise and it's not an easy road at that...and until you hit the regionals or even higher (depending on what you want to do/where you want to go), it'll be HARD family living - just for the two of you - because most everything revolves around the career and getting to the light at the end of the tunnel.

if you can't compromise between you (on any level), it's not her fault or your fault.. it's the TEAM'S fault and better to get out now than after the papers are signed!

Personally, i think there are certain women that are cut out to be a "pilots wife"... it takes a hella lot of sacrificing on both parts and if either of you is unwilling to sacrifice - for even the most minor thing - then it's not going to work.
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

[ QUOTE ]

If it's not going to work out, best to find out now. Better to go through a sad break-up young than a nasty divorce older!

[/ QUOTE ]

Amber mormon's don't believe in divorce. When they marry they are "sealed" to one another forever and until the end of time...well only if they have a temple wedding!

-Matthew

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Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

bLizZuE, Sounds like you have made your decision with little or no thought for the impact it will have on your fiance and her life. There are a lot of options with regard to getting quality flight training. FS is not the be all and end all. Once you have the licenses and ratings in your hand it really does not matter a while lot where you got them from.
 
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