Fiance doesn't want to move -

Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
It is a gift.

[/ QUOTE ]

If it's a gift, then that's great.

What have her general feelings been? Is she willing at all to compromise? What about putting the wedding on hold until you get a job?

[/ QUOTE ]

She doesn't want to leave her job that she loves. She doesn't want to leave her friends, and mostly her family. She is currently attending community college for an accounting degree.

For a while I was considering Spartan in Tulsa, but I don't like the program setup they have, and so I am now planning on FS. She was almost ok with Spartan, but FS being even farther from home(North Idaho) she said she didn't like that.
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

Looks like she's giving you a choice: her, or a flying career. Which do you want more?
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

Where do you live? Check some flight schools in your area. Even though they might not have the glossy ads that bigger schools do, it doesnt necessarily mean they arent better or wont get you where you want to be just as quick.
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

bLizZuE

Not sure about your age, but, I say go for it! If this is your dream you should fulfill it, nothing is worse in life than regrets.

Speak to your partner & let her know how you feel, she may understand or she may tell you to go to hell, just be prepared.

The first year my wife & I were married, we were separated, she was living in Japan & I was living in Guam, so it is possible.

Hang in there big guy!
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

[ QUOTE ]
I can't give that up.

[/ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
I have considered other options, and Flight Safety was my decision.

[/ QUOTE ]

It sounds like you have definately made up your mind as far as what is more important to you--flying AND Flight Safety.

[ QUOTE ]
She doesn't want to leave her job that she loves. She doesn't want to leave her friends, and mostly her family.

[/ QUOTE ]

I would go tour Flight Safety again, one more time--WITH her so she can see the area, see for herself any opportunities that are in the greater area, and she can see for herself why you are hell-bent on going down there.

If she's still not willing to move, and you're not willing to compromise on the location of training--then unfortunately, the two of you won't work out, short and long-term.


**I think you should be willing to attend elsewhere ... the financial aspect isn't a concern, so use your parents money elsewhere (where it's likely to be cheaper), then go time build for 3 months down the road in FL at Ari-Ben for multi.

ATP -- true cross-country experience, a ride in the Citation, how's that for the extra niceties you're looking for ... and you could have a job in 90 days.

How much longer does she have for school? Is she willing to compromise if you hold tight while she finishes school and then moves somewhere so you can finish training?
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

Since your first post 16 mo ago, you have added 25 hrs of flying time and you're still not done with your PPL. I take it you haven't done anything about starting your degree yet, either. But you have had time to visit FS and make an expensive decision to go there even though your fiancee is totally against it. And your parents are footing the bill for all this now, vs the Key loan you were talking about needing in late 2003. Something tells me you haven't looked at all the angles on this profession yet.
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

Flight Safety is an awesome school and environment. There are many of different places that you can train to fly (not saying that you should have to). If she is unwilling to compromise after some collective bargining then I would strongly consider this an ominious warning.
Because who is to say that you don't get hired with Continental for example and get based in IAH and you both live in Kansas or Michigan and she doesn't want to move to Houston so you have to commute on your days off to see her as was mentioned in here previously. If you both are unwilling to compromise best to end it now as others have said before it gets more complicated say with children.
Before I get serious with anyone I always make them aware this is my choosen profession this is what I'm working toward this is my goal. I will miss holidays,birthdays,anniversaries little league games etc. I do it then so they can't say that they weren't warned at the onset and to give them there out now should they think they can't handle the life of a pilot spouse.

-Matthew
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

[ QUOTE ]
Since your first post 16 mo ago, you have added 25 hrs of flying time and you're still not done with your PPL. I take it you haven't done anything about starting your degree yet, either. But you have had time to visit FS and make an expensive decision to go there even though your fiancee is totally against it. And your parents are footing the bill for all this now, vs the Key loan you were talking about needing in late 2003. Something tells me you haven't looked at all the angles on this profession yet.

[/ QUOTE ]

Couldn't have said it better myself.
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

[ QUOTE ]
Since your first post 16 mo ago, you have added 25 hrs of flying time and you're still not done with your PPL. I take it you haven't done anything about starting your degree yet, either. But you have had time to visit FS and make an expensive decision to go there even though your fiancee is totally against it. And your parents are footing the bill for all this now, vs the Key loan you were talking about needing in late 2003. Something tells me you haven't looked at all the angles on this profession yet.

[/ QUOTE ]


Whoa....engaged at 22 yrs. old. You jus come back from your "mission" there bud! But seriously have fun Blizz!

-Matthew
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

!! Dang right wetthaM !

That's what you should have done when you wanted to be a pilot blizzue.

MD is right, youve got and ultimatum in my view.

have a banana
nana2.gif
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

[ QUOTE ]
She doesn't want to leave her job that she loves. She doesn't want to leave her friends, and mostly her family......being even farther from home (North Idaho) she said she didn't like that.

[/ QUOTE ]

Well it seems she is not willing to leave N. Idaho, then? Unless you can land a job with Horizon, the future of your relationship looks like it may be headed for a fork in the road.

Put the marriage on the back burner.

Go get your career started and if it's going to work out, it will.You obviously are going to pursue this with or without her, so "just do it". Big changes are coming and you both need to be sure you can weather them before taking that big step. You didn't say how old you are, but a two year engagement to get started in your career first is perfectly reasonable. (Like so many who get engaged in school and wait til they finish college.) Take care of your needs first and let her pursue what she needs. If it was meant to be, then it will be. If not, then both of your personal goals are still met and neither of you will have made sacrifices or given up someting for the sake of a relationship that couldn't weather change.
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

[ QUOTE ]
Being a pilot's significant other can be tough. It requires either the willingness to move a lot, or the willingness to deal with a long-distance relationship where you live at sometimes other sides of the country and don't see each other often.
Sorry you have such a situation. I know it hurt my husband very badly when that expletive of a girl dumped him, but it turned out for the best.

[/ QUOTE ]

I would say . . .
He traded up for sure!

If the girl loves you and you are meant to be together, it is stronger than anything, a natural force. Try to stop the tide from coming in. You can't mess it up. Be true to yourself to be true to her, it can't work any other way.
Good luck from one very lucky married dude!
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

[ QUOTE ]
Whoa....engaged at 22 yrs. old...

[/ QUOTE ]


If that's true, this wedding definately needs to be postponed!!!

And he said they have been dating almost 5 years or since age 17? Uh, boy....
banghead.gif
People change so much in their 20's. Marriage should be against the law until at least age 25 and even later for many. I dated the same guy for 7 years. Not until I got to be 25 did I see how much I had grown and the relationship did not.

Jared- IMO, 22 is far too young to take this relationship to such a level, even though you have already invested 4 years. At you age, THERE IS NO RUSH. Believe me, from experience I can say in a few years time you will be asking your self, "What was I thinking?". You are too young. Put the career first.

[ QUOTE ]
**I think you should be willing to attend elsewhere ... the financial aspect isn't a concern, so use your parents money elsewhere (where it's likely to be cheaper), then go time build for 3 months down the road in FL at Ari-Ben for multi. - Windchiil

[/ QUOTE ]

I know you are stuck on FS, but if you really want to get a job, ME time will make or break your resume. Windchills suggestion is spot on. Get your ratings cheaper, then use the money leftover to build ME time! Your resume will get noticed and you'll land a job sooner with quality time.

Specifically, what has FS promised you that makes them your only choice? Forget the big name or what a great reoutation you think they have. What will you get when you leave there and what will it cost? Don't believe all that buzz about a guaranteed interview either. As I said, my friend had a less than stellar experiece there. Sure they got their promised interviews but of the 18 graduates in her group only two got offered jobs.
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

Son, you need to attend "Marriage counseling basic course for pilots"

hosted by MikeD and Lloyd.



grin.gif
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

[ QUOTE ]
av8trxx...{you're} a girl.....??? -wehttaM

[/ QUOTE ]

Well, duh!
wink.gif


Main Entry: avi·a·trix
Pronunciation: "A-vE-'A-triks, "a-
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural avi·a·trix·es /-trik-s&z/; or avi·a·tri·ces /-tr&-"sEz/
: a woman aviator
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
av8trxx...{you're} a girl.....??? -wehttaM

[/ QUOTE ]

Well, duh!
wink.gif


Main Entry: avi·a·trix
Pronunciation: "A-vE-'A-triks, "a-
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural avi·a·trix·es /-trik-s&z/; or avi·a·tri·ces /-tr&-"sEz/
: a woman aviator

[/ QUOTE ]

Well since your taken me to school guess I see it now!
grin.gif

But just wasn't sure cause think the female population on this site is like 5.
But I like the females...as friends!

-wehttaM
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

Bliz, a relationship takes work (as I am sure you know) but it also takes compromise. If you can't/won't comprimise on where you are getting your training at how in the world do you expect her to compromise on where she will live? Florida is awfully far away from Northern Idaho. You might really want to consider ATP. You would still have to move but not necissarily as far away for as long of a time period.

If she really is worth spending the rest of your life with, you really need to reconsider your options. Which is more important? Her or flying? If it's flying, I STRONGLY urge you not to get married to her. She should be the most important thing to you and you should be willing to preserve that relationship at all costs if she really is the "one" for you.
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

[ QUOTE ]
I want the freedom to go anywhere, when needed.

[/ QUOTE ]
As someone who has been happily married for 5+ years, let me offer this advice:

When you get married you and your spouse can no longer make selfish decisions. That means that you MUST be included in her decisions and she in your's.

If you want to only make decisions for yourself then stay single.

[ QUOTE ]
She doesn't want to leave her job that she loves.

[/ QUOTE ]
Then why should she give that up for you? The traditional answer is typically, "because she loves me" or "because we're going to be married", or, "I would do it for her", and even "she's a woman and once we're married and have children she won't be working anyway". While you may have a more progressive and enlightened answer to that question you must carefully examine it.

Regardless of what any of those self-help gurus say you cannot have it all. Something must suffer or be sacrificed, and this is not demonstrated any better than in a marriage.

Even if she is totally subservient to you, she will have moments of resentment for giving herself up for you to do everything you want.

So...

You have two options.

1. Forget marrying her anytime soon. I might even say forever, because she may not be willing to wait forever.

2. In order to get married you and her will have to compromise.

Before I stop I'll leave you with this from the movie Fight Club:

"You are not your job. You are not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the contents of your wallet. You're not your •ing khakis."

Marriage can bring you more joy and LIFE than the best day of flying, because what good is doing something you love if you've no one to share it with?

Naunga
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

[ QUOTE ]
If she is unwilling to compromise after some collective bargining then I would strongly consider this an ominious warning.

[/ QUOTE ]

Max forgot to mention that an unwillingness to compromise from either party is equally ominous. Most have said that if she's not into your career and your goals 100%, you should ditch her . . . but the same advice should be given to her about you. It's a strong message: You're saying that you will go to FSI with or without her. It seems clear that you place more value on FSI than on your relationship.

Her family, friends, and school are in one place, but the openings to a flying career are all over the country. You're dead set on one door, at any cost. There's nothing wrong with it, but you have to accept the consequences of that kind of determination. You (and some of the other posters) might think about placing less blame on her choices and more responsibility for the issue on your decision and determination. Neither of you has done anything wrong, but the level of your commitment to eachother in relation to your goals looks pretty skewed.

Most of the issues my wife and I have had to face came from similar situations. We finally started to understand that the first person to look at when compromise isn't what we'd hoped is ourselves, not the other person. More often than not, the one person gave a little while the other wanted more and gave nothing. 7 years of marriage that began at 19 hasn't been easy, but we've had to learn a lot about the realities of responsibilty and blame.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top