Fiance doesn't want to move -

bLizZuE

bLizZuE

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Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

Hello,

I have been reading these forums for a while now, I just don't come out of the dark very often.

I am currently working on my PPL, and have ~50 hours. As soon as I finish that, my parents have given me the ability to attend FlightSafety in Vero FL.

Last christmas I asked my girlfriend of 4 1/2 years to marry me. She accepted, and all was well. We were planning on getting married sometime this summer. Of course untill I was given the oppurtunity to attend FS.

She doesn't want to move because she feels that she isn't going there for anything. She doesn't have anything there, and is worried that she won't have anything to do. She is worried about finding a job, and attending school for her accounting degree.

I'm feeling that if she doesn't want to go, I can't make her. If she goes because I want her to, she will be miserable, and the relationship will be damaged.

My current CFI was married when he attended school, and now is unable to pursue career choices, because of his family.

I want the freedom to go anywhere, when needed.

I need advice
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Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

[ QUOTE ]
I want the freedom to go anywhere, when needed.

[/ QUOTE ]

Sorry to say, but you should have thought of this before you asked her to marry you.

If you want this freedom, can her right now. Don't keep the relationship going until one day you realize this sucks after 3 kids have popped out. Then just think of the heartache.

If you still want to marry her after you realize your freedom to do whatever is gone, find a place that you can train which also coincides with her needs.
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

It's sad that it had to come to this. Why don't you have another conversation with her and explain everything in detail?
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

why are you so hung up on FS? I'm not in any position to bash the flight school, but why not train at an academy w/ more locations where your fiance will have a greater chance of being happy (ie ATP)? I dunno, seems like the logical thing to do....
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

Being a pilot's significant other can be tough. It requires either the willingness to move a lot, or the willingness to deal with a long-distance relationship where you live at sometimes other sides of the country and don't see each other often.

Looks like you're going to have to have a heart-to-heart with her, and find out if she can deal with the long term realities of being married to a pilot. The girl my husband was dating before me couldn't deal with it. She was living in Chicago, and he was flying his first airline job in Vegas. He did the best he could coming home on weekends and whenever he could, but it wasn't good enough. She was not cut out for 'the life'.

Once at the airline level, commuting is a possibility, but it is harder at the student & CFI levels. Sorry you have such a situation. I know it hurt my husband very badly when that expletive of a girl dumped him, but it turned out for the best.
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

I hope you guys discussed the possibilities of moving around or not seeing each other constantly before proposing, especially with your career choice. I say, women come and go, you follow your dream and do what you want for a living. Don't change your life for someone else, because
A. they will Not appreciate the sacrifice
B. You will be unhappy thinking of what could have been, giving up a dream and having a sucky career .

Put her in your shoes, what would she do? Probably ditch you and make herself happy sooner or later.

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Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

FSI is definitely a great school to attend, but have you considered your other options? There are several other major flight academies out there that are in bigger cities that will provide great training, and also provide an environment for your fiance to pursue her dreams as well. When you proposed to her, you gave up the "my freedom" aspect of it. You guys are now a team, and in making such a major decision, you guys should sit down and make it together. If you really want your own personal freedom to do anything, whenever you want, you need to get rid of her now, before anything gets more serious than it already is. I faced this decision a little more than a year ago, and my fiance and I sat down and made the decision on where to move so I could finish my flight training, and she could pursue her dreams as well. We've been married for 7 months now, and it's been just great. Good luck man.
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

When I proposed a year ago, I didn't know I was going to be a proffesional pilot.

I knew that's what I wanted to do, but we didn't know for sure that was my career goal.

We have talked about different locations, but this is where I truly want to go. I have the option to go to(in my mind) the best school possible for me.

I can't give that up.
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

A marriage counselor or other professional is the best source to help you guys. If this relationship is important, why not use all the tools out there?

How you guys work out this situation is probably even more important than what you eventually decide. I really recommend learning some skills that can last a lifetime and dramatically improve the quality of your lives together.

You wouldn't skimp on fixing an airplane, would you?

Really. Talk to a professional. Together. Then call me back in twenty years and thank me.

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Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

My first thought was ditch the chick if she isn't interested in your career. But...I suppose you could compromise by doing your training somewhere besides FS. Find a mutually agreeable location to move to and train somewhere else. But if she gives you any greif...tell her to take a hike
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

Flying for money isn't a career or a profession: It's a lifestyle. As with any lifestyle choice, other aspects of your existence have to be sacrificed or compromised. You're absolutely right, you can't make her go where she doesn't want to go. Unfortunately, if flying is the road you choose, this will be just the first of many moves to follow the trail of bread crumbs. Deal with these things now, before you get married.

On one hand, it sounds like you've got a great relationship with a woman who has her own initiative and dreams. On the other, you've got a potential career that is long, hard, and frustrating, but can also be incredibly rewarding. They may not be compatible, so have an open, frank discussion about how you feel and what you want. Once you both know where the other stands, you'll be able to make real decisions.

I'd suggest not blowing it by insisting that FSI is the only school you'll consider. Unless that is a symptom of another problem in your relationship, it would be amazingly short-sighted and selfish to not seriously explore other options. If you want her to support your dreams and needs, you have to do the same for her. Pick your battles and know when to compromise.

Yours,

A pilot who trained and instructed while nurturing a 7-year marriage and whose parents are both shrinks
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Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

[ QUOTE ]
. . . But if she gives you any greif...tell her to take a hike

[/ QUOTE ]

Then he'll be a lonely pilot who failed when it came to the really important CRM . . .
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Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

I think you need to weigh her ability to embrace your chosen lifestyle very carefully. If she won't move now, what's it going to be like when you get based in some other location not close to her family/friends/job ect??? Or because she won't move you have to commute and see her 7 days a month as a new hire, how will she accept that? I wouldn't recommend to anyone getting into this career (or anyone who is a new hire) to get married at that stage. During this period your career is enough to stress about.

I also agree that there are many other opportunities to be had for getting your ratings. You say your parents have given you the opportunity to attend FS. Is that a loan? (Are they going to pay for a wedding too? Are they made of money?) My friend did a FS program and got jack squat out of it. She's now going to the Mesa PD program. Unless this is a gift from your parents, seriously consider the amount of debt you want to be saddled with- esp if you do get hitched. If I personally had to do it over again I would do the same route- the lesser expensive flying club way. Thank God I only am saddled with a mortgage payment as I would not be able to pay my bills every month if I had an outstanding loan from flying plus other expenses on what I make.
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

I have considered other options, and Flight Safety was my decision.
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

it seems like you really don't know what you're talking about, to be honest. And when marriage is on the line, you'd better know exactly what you're talking about.

FlightSafety is fine, I'm sure, but it's not the only option. I know a lot of pilots that fly professionally, none of which trained with Flight Safety, and are where you want to be. I'm sure there ar ea number of places closer to home or at least in more favorable locations for her where you can train, and it'll be the same quality education. And then you have guys like me doing their private, instrument, Comm, CFII.MEI in a different place each time. It makes no difference. Southwest, United, Delta aren't going to care if you trained in FS or Gulfstream or Embry Riddle. Just get your ratings. And since marriage is at stake, FS might be "where you really want to go," but it wont hurt your career to choose another option, and it'll help your rel'ship. Just makes more sense.

or maybe you could wait till you can support yourself before getting married.

Good Luck,
Aero
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

[ QUOTE ]
I think you need to weigh her ability to embrace your chosen lifestyle very carefully. If she won't move now, what's it going to be like when you get based in some other location not close to her family/friends/job ect??? Or because she won't move you have to commute and see her 7 days a month as a new hire, how will she accept that? I wouldn't recommend to anyone getting into this career (or anyone who is a new hire) to get married at that stage. During this period your career is enough to stress about.

I also agree that there are many other opportunities to be had for getting your ratings. You say your parents have given you the opportunity to attend FS. Is that a loan? (Are they going to pay for a wedding too? Are they made of money?) My friend did a FS program and got jack squat out of it. She's now going to the Mesa PD program. Unless this is a gift from your parents, seriously consider the amount of debt you want to be saddled with- esp if you do get hitched. If I personally had to do it over again I would do the same route- the lesser expensive flying club way. Thank God I only am saddled with a mortgage payment as I would not be able to pay my bills every month if I had an outstanding loan from flying plus other expenses on what I make.

[/ QUOTE ]

It is a gift.
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

[ QUOTE ]
it seems like you really don't know what you're talking about, to be honest. And when marriage is on the line, you'd better know exactly what you're talking about.

FlightSafety is fine, I'm sure, but it's not the only option. I know a lot of pilots that fly professionally, none of which trained with Flight Safety, and are where you want to be. I'm sure there ar ea number of places closer to home or at least in more favorable locations for her where you can train, and it'll be the same quality education. And then you have guys like me doing their private, instrument, Comm, CFII.MEI in a different place each time. It makes no difference. Southwest, United, Delta aren't going to care if you trained in FS or Gulfstream or Embry Riddle. Just get your ratings. And since marriage is at stake, FS might be "where you really want to go," but it wont hurt your career to choose another option, and it'll help your rel'ship. Just makes more sense.

Good Luck,
Aero

[/ QUOTE ]

I didn't ask for opinions just to be ridiculed.

I have been looking for a flight school for almost a year. I have toured FS before, and I liked it.

I know it doesn't matter where you get your ratings, but FS has some awesome extras, and I like the environment there.
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

who's ridiculing. it's the advice you asked for.

it just seems a little strange to be so bent on FlightSafety that you're wondering what's gonna happen to your marriage, especially when there are a plethora of options..

FWIW
 
Re: Fiance doesn\'t want to move -

[ QUOTE ]
It is a gift.

[/ QUOTE ]

If it's a gift, then that's great.

What have her general feelings been? Is she willing at all to compromise? What about putting the wedding on hold until you get a job?
 
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