Does it ever get easier?

[braunpilot]

I fly M-F so I am not home much during the day and my wife got a flat driving. I was on the phone and we have AAA so I called them but I always feel horrible that I cannot be there to help out. Maybe it's just me, maybe I just want some time off. Does it every get easier being away from home and feeling like a bystander watching things go wrong and not being able to help?

 

[MQAAord]

Well, one key to being a pilot spouse is being able to deal with things themselves! Try to remember that your wife is not a helpless child, she is an adult who can (hopefully) do stuff too.

If that kind of independence isn't there, the relationship is probably going to have some trouble.

You can't be tied at the hip 24/7/365 to another person, doing everything for them. Try to know that you'll help out the best you can when you are near, and know that there will always be times that you can't be right there no matter what your job.

 

[braunpilot]

Well, one key to being a pilot spouse is being able to deal with things themselves! Try to remember that your wife is not a helpless child, she is an adult who can (hopefully) do stuff too.

I appreciate it. She can do stuff on her own, for whatever reason it just seems a lot more difficult than when we both do it together.

 

[bafanguy]

Braun,

I've been married 30 years ( to the same woman) and trust me, they can handle anything. Women are better creatures than men, as much as it pains me to say that.:laff::laff:

You're right, it goes better when you are both there to deal with whatever...and I fully understand your angst at not being there when she hits a snag.

But, sounds like you and she are doing just fine.

 

[Lee D]

I have been doing the airline thing for over four years and while I think we have both adjusted to it, being away can be a challenge. From time to time I feel more unplugged from my family than I want to be. We knew what we were getting into when we signed up. I just make sure I am there for her and my kids when I am home.
Hopefully you might see better schedules in the future. . . . that helps immensly.

 

[PeterPilot]

The hard part is being away from the kids.

 

[Krispy]

Yeah, every job as its pluses and minuses, show me a good paying steady job that doesn't require a substantial amount of time spent at work (and hence away from family.) It's a loose loose I guess, lower paying job = less stress and more time with family, higher paying job = more stress and less time with family. Pick your poison! lol

 

[Flyvne]

The hard part is being away from the kids.

Talked to a captain and he said his father was an airline pilot who was gone alot. He told me that he remembers the times he was home more than the times he was at home with his mother. Seemed like there was more quality time with dad than mom.

I have a 2 year old and I hold on to what he told me. Makes those 4 days a little easier to deal with. That and Skype.

 

[PeterPilot]

I have a 2 year old and I hold on to what he told me. Makes those 4 days a little easier to deal with. That and Skype.

Good for you. You have your priorities in the right order.

Anyone who doesn't understand should listen to "Cats in the Cradle" again and again and again.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zlHdjjHNEC8

.

 

[staplegun]

Yes, to answer the OP's question, it does get easier.

For all of you who leave home for half of the month, just remember Staplegun's Airline Pilot Golden Rule #1:

"Thou shall not criticize and/or second-guess any decision which was made while you were gone!"


Kevin

 

[braunpilot]

Staplegun's Airline Pilot Golden Rule #1:

"Thou shall not criticize and/or second-guess any decision which was made while you were gone!"

I may not be gone half the month but my usual 70 hour work week sure does feel like it! I have done that once or twice and said why did you do that? :banghead: Won't do that again!

Thanks for all the posts. Just really tough when you want to be there and cannot because you are over 200+ miles away. The next question would be to the ladies(or guys I guess).

How do you handle your significant other being away soo much when things get though?

 

[MQAAord]

How do you handle your significant other being away soo much when things get though?

I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself.

I don't "need a man" around to "take care of me" when things are "tough".

I guess there are people out there who are co-dependent and can't handle dealing with things on their own. Don't marry someone like that.



When you say "When things get tough" (and I'm assuming there was a spelling error there and you meant tough and not though) do you mean when there situations like blown tires, malfunctioning water heaters, etc? Here's a little secret about women, we're not all stupid! We can figure out how things work and deal with stuff like that too.

If you mean things being tough like in trouble within the marriage relationship, then I have to suggest lots of communication. That doesn't mean you have to call each other constantly, but just be willing to DEAL with what's wrong. If there's an issue, any issue, deal with it. Talk about it, come up with a solution together. There's no one-size-fits all mold for how to solve interpersonal relationship issues, but you've got to be willing, both of you, to work together to find solutions to your problems.

 

[nocturnalaviator]

It's a loose loose I guess

LOSE LOSE!!!!! MY GOD! Loose is the opposite of tighten, Lose is the inverse of gain! Sorry pet peeve of mine.:banghead:

 

[moegreen]

Wow ...wish I had your problems...........

 

[braunpilot]

Wow ...wish I had your problems...........

Dare I ask?

 

[Polar742]

For all of you who leave home for half of the month, just remember Staplegun's Airline Pilot Golden Rule #1:

"Thou shall not criticize and/or second-guess any decision which was made while you were gone!"


Kevin

Sage, sage advice.

I'd say it's worthy of printing out and taping it to the lid of your flight kit so you can see it every day. Put it right next to calcapt's "Just because you can, doesn't mean you should".

Follow those two pieces of advice if nothing else. I know I try to

 

[planesiscool]

Braun,

I've been married 30 years ( to the same woman) and trust me, they can handle anything. Women are better creatures than men, as much as it pains me to say that.:laff::laff:

:yeahthat: You ain't lyin man! My wife and women in general are amazing at adapting but when she gets used to something it's hard to get her to change. I've toyed around with the idea of being a pilot and I would be scared of this exact situation but I know she could handle it.

 

[papag]

As a controller we deal with the same issues. Frustrating but in time you adjust and accept you are not superman/woman. I try to brief my wife/kids about house emergencies etc. Let them know where all the shutoffs are. Label everything. You can talkem thru on the phone. Like a no giro approach lol.

 

[bafanguy]

Of course, there's a reverse of the poster's original question: when the guy gets left at home with the kids longer than 30 minutes. This is a more critical test than flat tires.

Starting when the kids were little (and I mean really little), my wife the now 40 year FA, would head out on a trip leaving me with no adult supervision for several days at a time. All men should go through this program to see what your wife really deals with.

IT IS FREAKIN' RELENTLESS !!!

I was talking to myself by the time she got back. I have crawled through the trenches of motherhood on my belly ...and I am unworthy.

...toilet training...toilet training was the worst...anic:

 

[Polar742]

Of course, there's a reverse of the poster's original question: when the guy gets left at home with the kids longer than 30 minutes. This is a more critical test than flat tires.

Starting when the kids were little (and I mean really little), my wife the now 40 year FA, would head out on a trip leaving me with no adult supervision for several days at a time. All men should go through this program to see what your wife really deals with.

IT IS FREAKIN' RELENTLESS !!!

I was talking to myself by the time she got back. I have crawled through the trenches of motherhood on my belly ...and I am unworthy.

...toilet training...toilet training was the worst...anic:

Amen to that, jack.

However, my oldest (and only one eligible so far) toilet trained himself, so that was butta....