rayray311
New Member
thanks for ur backing. his comments go back to an old post I had about tattoos becuz i have a few.
AIDS??????
- Thread starter rayray311
- Start date
thanks for ur backing. his comments go back to an old post I had about tattoos becuz i have a few.
drhunterr
Well-Known Member
Man, my dad used to be in sales when I was younger - had him away about 320 nights a year. He and my mom always made it work, but I watched one of his coworkers who actually traveled less go through a horrible divorce. I think it boils down to this:if what you have is solid, if its real, it'll make it through. You also have to consider that the marriage/relationship will always be better if you love what you do for money...you'll just be a far happier person.
thats my 8 cents
thats my 8 cents
typhoonpilot
Well-Known Member
Always live in base. Don't commute and you will be home much more. You also won't be stuck in some hotel/crashpad in base with nothing to do many nights per month. You won't have the stress of getting to and from work on a non-rev/jumpseat basis.
Living in base goes a long way to preventing divorce.
Typhoonpilot
Living in base goes a long way to preventing divorce.
Typhoonpilot
That's not always possible! Commuting to live closer to family can actualy HELP a marriage, with more access to support. Also, typical base cities are not exactly affordable, living in NYC on a new-hire salary with a family often is just not practical. Or, what if the spouse has a really good job that it wouldn't make financial sense to leave?
Commuting in and of itself is NOT either a good or bad thing. It's individual circumstances that make it good or bad.
Mr.Maximus
New Member
Ray - there's alot of good, accurate information regarding your question on here. You definately need to sit down with her and give her worst case scenario stuff, and make sure she's ok. Low wages the first couple of years, possible commuting for you or maybe a move for the family to your base etc. etc. Really, it comes down to the two of you. I commuted for a couple of years, and at times it was pretty tough. Finally decided I was wasting to much potential family time commuting - so moved the family to where I was based. This was a very significant improvement. As my seniority went up - the schedules got better and before I left 121 to fly corporate I was getting 16-17 days a month off. Now flying corporate, I get the same 16-17 days a month off - plus the added benefit that 80% of my trips are out and backs - so home almost every night. I found commuting to be very difficult as time went on, but sometimes it's a necessary evil in the beginning. Try to get on with a decent operation that will allow the family to afford living in base. Just be upfront with her and brief her on all aspects and you should do fine. Heck, in some ways it's actually really good to have some "space". Absence does seem to make the heart grow fonder.
Good Luck to ya
Max
Good Luck to ya
Max
Bandit_Driver
Gold Member
Well, there isn't too much more I can add here as Kell and MQAAORD pretty much said what I was thinking. Communcation is definately the key here. You need to sit down and have a talk with your wife and lay everything out. If she goes into this eyes wide open and you can address her concerns you should be OK.
Texasspilot
New Member
When they say all parts of the career they really mean it.
Pay, Schedule, loans etc.. You need to figure out what its gonna take to get you where you want to be and really see if you can afford it both monetarily and emotionally.
Preparing your significant other for what its gonna take to get you where you want to be will go a long way to keeping things harmonious.
killbilly
Vocals, Lyrics, Triangle, Washboard, Kittens
This is half true. Jobs don't lead to divorce. Bad marriages do.
Ray, I was divorced before I decided to become a pilot. There's no need to go into details, but I can tell you that I once upon a time I floated the idea of flight training to her and she was less than supportive of even talking about it. The unwillingness to even talk about it was a symptom, y'know? That was a LONG time ago, and aviation had NOTHING to do with the divorce, but the kind of people we were certainly did.
I think 50% of marriages end because people go into it for the wrong reasons. I think the percentage of marriages which SHOULD end is considerably higher, though. Some people just can't hack the thought of divroce and spend decades being polite and miserable. If they have children, it's worse, because kids know. They may not be able to articulate it, but they know.
I'm a hell of a lot wiser and smarter about relationships than I used to be. Present one has had some rocky moments, but we manage to fight things out by talking. Sometimes it takes months going over the same ground until we meet somewhere in the middle, but it does work out.
What you and your bride need to figure out is, (and this is JUST my opinion) a) how honest you're being with yourselves about your issues. You have to be extremely honest with yourselves and each other - anything short of that will breed resentment. Once you establish that, then you move to b) which is establishing the boundaries - where are you willing to compromise on things like away time, schedules, time with kids, family, salary - and you make your choices from there. But being absolutely honest, and absolutely gentle with each other's feelings will ensure that you do it the "right" way. And if it STILL doesn't work out in the long run, you will at least have a clear conscience about things, knowing that you both did what you could.
Make sense?
I hope this helps. It may not work for everyone, but it's a little gleaning I've picked up over the last couple of years. Scar tissue is so instructional, y'know?
averyrm
Well-Known Member
Sorry, I didn't really explain it well. I ment that it wasn't the job that was causing the divorce and since 50%-ish of marriages end, people will usually blame it on whatever is convenient instead of the fact that it was just a bad marriage.
Well said Killbilly - That scar tissue does teach you a thing or two, doesn't it? I agree, jobs don't lead to divorce, but marriages gone bad do. The best years of the 25 years with my ex were ironically the hardest years, career-wise and financially. You spoke some wise words!
Brand X
Well-Known Member
OBTW, did you know that on the back of you FAA medical form there is a question for the doctor to note ANY scars OR body markings (tattoos)? You will NOT be able to hide you tattoos for an entire career. Your company will find out and when they do, they will fire you since you didn't tell them. More and more companies are asking applicants if they have tattoos. It's perfectly legal for them to do so.
jonnyb
Well-Known Member
Did you know you have absolutely NO credibility on this website and no one is listening? You're pathetic. Seriously dude, get a life. You honestly have nothing better to do than to harass and stalk forum members. It really disgusts me that you are a "professional" pilot mucking up this industry. You must be a pretty good actor fooling UPS or whoever you work for that you posses some amount of character.
SeanD
Well-Known Member
:nana2: Couldnt have said it better myself. He is a kid who sits around a.net and FSX pretending to be a pilot. First UPS then the XJET avatar. I think he has worn out his stay here.
drhunterr
Well-Known Member
100% guarantee you he's a kid - theres another forum discussing pay that he made a point to say he paid cash for Ruth's Cris steakhouse...I mean, if you...you know...look at the menu...you might notice that its Ruth's CHris steakhouse. But I suppose when you're just posing its all the same...UPS, ExpressJet...RJ, 1987 Buick [SIZE=-1]Riviera[/SIZE] that his grandma gave him...:hiya:
rayray311
New Member
rayray311
New Member
I dont know why this Brand X guy is stalking me and harassing me but it is pretty strange. He has some vendetta for me, and everyone else it seems. I have not gotten ONE nice thing spoken to me about him but ENDLESS private messages telling me what a closed minded, judgmental jerk he is. Also, I always see people getting aggravated with him and telling him to mind his own business.
I had thought that he and I had agreed to not post comments on each others threads or to talk to each other, but he won't go away. I don't know why.
Is there something I can do to get this guy "blocked" from me at all? Has anyone ever asked someone from this website to ask him to stop being such a confrontational boob? I can't be the first one to feel this way.
Fly4Pay
New Member
AAaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnndddd.... back to the topic at hand...
There are a couple of big reasons divorce rates are high in the airline career field, in my opinion....
1) Time apart is obviously a factor. However, in today's world of cell phones with unlimited minutes, it's much easier to keep COMMUNICATING, even when you are apart. When my wife and I were dating, I was in a situation where I was only able to see her on weekends (hmmm... much like now, except now I only DON'T see her on weekends!
. We spent a lot of time them on the phone. We were best friends before we got romantically inclined, and we kept getting closer even afterwards because we spent a lot of time talking--it was great, and it has served us well ever since.
2) The temptation factor is very high, especially for the flying spouse. Face it... we're out for days at a time, and eventually you are going to be on a crew with a relationship "shark"-- someone just out cruising for contact. It might be a "toucher," or one who laughs at every joke you make, or just someone who thinks you're fun, but it's obvious they are trying to "make contact." It's important to recognize these folks and avoid (politely, if possible) falling into their trap. (Yes, I know this happens in other career fields, too... aviation just seems to have a higher percentage)
3) Being apart leads to another problem--while you are gone, she will establish her "routine" of how things get done around the house (this is MUCH more of a factor if you have kids). When you come back, you (unintentionally) upset the applecart, and it takes some readjustment. The longer your trips are, the bigger factor this is. When I was on 90-day deployments with the AF, it was HUGE. Now it's much less of a factor.
There are some good things about the life, though. In our case, being apart has actually been good for us! My wife and I are doing better now (relationally) than we have in years. First, I'm doing something I really enjoy (the AF and I kind of "grew apart" my last few years in). By being gone a few days then coming back, she has the opportunity to "miss me a little" every week--she looks forward to me getting home (hey... THERE'S a plus!)
Like others have said, do what you love, put your marriage first, and you'll be fine. If you don't, and you don't, well... it won't matter WHAT career you're in.
Best of luck!
There are a couple of big reasons divorce rates are high in the airline career field, in my opinion....
1) Time apart is obviously a factor. However, in today's world of cell phones with unlimited minutes, it's much easier to keep COMMUNICATING, even when you are apart. When my wife and I were dating, I was in a situation where I was only able to see her on weekends (hmmm... much like now, except now I only DON'T see her on weekends!
. We spent a lot of time them on the phone. We were best friends before we got romantically inclined, and we kept getting closer even afterwards because we spent a lot of time talking--it was great, and it has served us well ever since.2) The temptation factor is very high, especially for the flying spouse. Face it... we're out for days at a time, and eventually you are going to be on a crew with a relationship "shark"-- someone just out cruising for contact. It might be a "toucher," or one who laughs at every joke you make, or just someone who thinks you're fun, but it's obvious they are trying to "make contact." It's important to recognize these folks and avoid (politely, if possible) falling into their trap. (Yes, I know this happens in other career fields, too... aviation just seems to have a higher percentage)
3) Being apart leads to another problem--while you are gone, she will establish her "routine" of how things get done around the house (this is MUCH more of a factor if you have kids). When you come back, you (unintentionally) upset the applecart, and it takes some readjustment. The longer your trips are, the bigger factor this is. When I was on 90-day deployments with the AF, it was HUGE. Now it's much less of a factor.
There are some good things about the life, though. In our case, being apart has actually been good for us! My wife and I are doing better now (relationally) than we have in years. First, I'm doing something I really enjoy (the AF and I kind of "grew apart" my last few years in). By being gone a few days then coming back, she has the opportunity to "miss me a little" every week--she looks forward to me getting home (hey... THERE'S a plus!)
Like others have said, do what you love, put your marriage first, and you'll be fine. If you don't, and you don't, well... it won't matter WHAT career you're in.
Best of luck!
Mrs.Alchemist
New Member
Just my own little perspective...
I think that it can work as long as both people are committed. Also, I really love seeing how much my husband loves what he is doing now! Seeing him so happy makes me happy. I was getting really tired of listening to him complain about his job *before* he became a pilot. I'm sure that your wife will love seeing you happy, too!
People spend their whole lives trying to figure out what they want to do... If you know what you want to do, then you have to go for it!
P.S. Jetgirls is great
I think that it can work as long as both people are committed. Also, I really love seeing how much my husband loves what he is doing now! Seeing him so happy makes me happy. I was getting really tired of listening to him complain about his job *before* he became a pilot. I'm sure that your wife will love seeing you happy, too!
People spend their whole lives trying to figure out what they want to do... If you know what you want to do, then you have to go for it!
P.S. Jetgirls is great