Abusive relationship
- Thread starter Maximilian_Jenius
- Start date
Matthew, it's far beyond time for an intervention. Help her get the ball rolling and disappear because the boyfriend is probably going to target you. This crap is a lot more dangerous than you realize and she needs professionals.
Luckily, you can't swing a dead cat without hitting an abused woman center so she's in 'luck'.
Enough talky, bro!
Luckily, you can't swing a dead cat without hitting an abused woman center so she's in 'luck'.
Enough talky, bro!
Maximilian_Jenius
Super User
Doug Taylor said:
Wow...guess I'm just slow here. I know that you all have Vernetta's best interest at heart but...I'm not sure what to do,were more or less just work friends we typically don't hang out,outside of work.
So I'm at a loss as to what I could do to better this situation. She obviously doesn't want help and is shutting anybody out that cares for her. But again not knowing her address unsure how to best help her by calling the police, where are they going to go???
What do I say "somewhere in south Phoenix a girl named Vernetta is being abused by her boyfriend." "Well sir do you have an address so we can investigate?" "No sorry officer I don't know where she lives." Click!
But if it's any consolation I'm talking to her cousin.Telling her to do all the stuff that you guys are telling me to do. She has more access to her then I do (and should she want) she knows where she lives and can perhaps intervene or get a family member to intervene or the police.
-Matthew
Maximillian_Jenius said:
I'll have to agree with you for once, you are slow. You're not sure what to do?!?! OK, you ARE a moron, because we've been telling you what to do, but you refuse to listen.
:banghead:
Call 9 - 1 - 1
Say, "I am concerned about the safety of a woman I know. She has confided in me that she is in an abusive situation, and is afraid to leave her boyfriend. She fears for her life, and she just cut off contact with me and with her family. This is her cell phone number _____. This is her employer _____. I'm sure that you, being law enforcement experts and all, can figure out where she lives and pay her a visit to see if she's still alive. Thank you."
Fill in the two blanks, and you're done. THEN you can have a clear conscious.
Some other day I'll try to explain the difference between "moron" and "jackass."
:whatever: .
Maximilian_Jenius
Super User
TonyC said:
ass [ ass ] (plural ass·es)
noun Definitions: 1. animal resembling horse with long ears: an animal resembling a small horse with long ears, sometimes used as a beast of burden. The donkey is a domesticated descendant of the wild ass. Genus Equus.
2. offensive term: an offensive term that deliberately insults somebody's intelligence, consideration for others, or general value ( slang insult )
Hey Tony...let me know please which one of these definations best befits you.
Your colorful use of adjectives was un called for IMO. Look this situation has been going on for literally months and has frustrated me to no end. I was the one Vernetta first confided in I told her to seek protection. I told her to get a restraining order. I told her to kick him out. I told her get a bat,assert yourself take back control of your life. She choose to not listen to me.
You must not have read or cared much when I wrote that she took leave not for her own mental faculties. But to "police" this fool and make sure he isn't cheating on her. It seems that she cares more about her pride then that of her life or her children. Who cares she must be thinking if he beats me and treats me like crap fine as long as I'm the only women he is giving it to at night. Yet you insult me and say that I'm wrong.
Furthermore Del Vagus has a record of violence agaisnt women. Has had several restraining orders placed against him and is on probation currently for assult. It would be so easy for her to get him out of her life IF she wanted to. But she is talking out of both sides of her mouth. Did you not read where in a fit of anger she called her brother to come beat him up and when he got there she protected him and started hitting the brother over the head with a phone book.
Do you think that if I were to call the police she would implicate him? No she told me herself she doesn't want him to go to jail she is protecting him. This might not be the popular opinion on the board but you can't help someone who doesn't want to get help from friends and family and doesn't want to get help on her own. She got in a fight with her cousin last weekend who cared enough to stop by and see what was up and see if he could help.
I gotta agree with my mom here. She isn't ready to leave yet. When and if she ever is when it is time NOTHING will be able to detour her for leaving. She is her own worst enemy at this point. I could totally understand your point IF,IF she was actively trying to find a way out and couldn't get free from his grasp,but such is not the case.
-Matthew
Ok, I agree with max here...we're *back* to the "can't save someone unless they want to be saved" issue...
it sounds to me that if he even did anything, she'd protect this bunghole which in turn would just get her in more trouble - not to mention those surrounding her..
she'll come to a point where she wants out, but until then, he's going to have to let her family deal with it and he's going to have to step off!
there's just nothing you can do to help someone that's only going to defend and not help herself.
it sounds to me that if he even did anything, she'd protect this bunghole which in turn would just get her in more trouble - not to mention those surrounding her..
she'll come to a point where she wants out, but until then, he's going to have to let her family deal with it and he's going to have to step off!
there's just nothing you can do to help someone that's only going to defend and not help herself.
Sprint100
Well-Known Member
Kristie said:
OK, her brother played the role of Big Bubba once, but did anybody call the cops? Until that is done, I wouldn't chill just yet. After that, if she still wants part of the relationship it's all hers but don't come crying to me. Some people actually like that sort of drama in their lives. Drama fiend, drama queen whatever you wanna call her.
In instances like this people seem blinded by that thing/drug called Love (as sick as that sounds). This sounds like a bad case of that ghetto-love LOL.
Her cousin needs to be checked on the reals. No way I'd sit by the wayside and let family, even a homie, get abused like that. So many folks allowing this to go on. Whoever has her contact info/adress/ whatever needs to call the cops or have somebody go down their to put in work on Vegas or Valley or whatever his name is.
Makes me wanna rock back and forth sayin Oh Lawd, Oh Lawd, Oh lawd.........
P.S. - I guess the 'it takes a village' idea has been long gone!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maximilian_Jenius
Super User
Sprint100 said:OK, her brother played the role of Big Bubba once, but did anybody call the cops? Until that is done, I wouldn't chill just yet. After that, if she still wants part of the relationship it's all hers but don't come crying to me. Some people actually like that sort of drama in their lives. Drama fiend, drama queen whatever you wanna call her.
In instances like this people seem blinded by that thing/drug called Love (as sick as that sounds). This sounds like a bad case of that ghetto-love LOL.
Her cousin needs to be checked on the reals. No way I'd sit by the wayside and let family, even a homie, get abused like that. So many folks allowing this to go on. Whoever has her contact info/adress/ whatever needs to call the cops or have somebody go down their to put in work on Vegas or Valley or whatever his name is.
Makes me wanna rock back and forth sayin Oh Lawd, Oh Lawd, Oh lawd.........
P.S. - I guess the 'it takes a village' idea has been long gone!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Cactus #1014 go round fly heading two-four-zero climb and maintain one-zero thousand direct Standsfield VORTAC expect further info at 15 past hour."
I gotta respectfully disagree with ya brah...She knows Del Vagus has a rap sheet. Furthermore she knows he is on probation for prior assult charges. If she really wanted dude gone she'd just call the police. He'd be in violation of his parole and would be a guest of the state in Florence.
Did she do that...has she done that nope! When I bring that to her attention she said.
"I can't do that to him Matt he could get some serious time."
"Well Vernetta has he hit you,choked you or worse?"
"Well yes."
"So you wouldn't be lying then...he has violated his parole."
"Matt I can't have that on my conscious. What happens when he gets out and comes looking for me."
"Would you really still be at the same place still..."
"Matt I like my house..."
Matthew walks away...(true conversation.)
So again calling the police would have no effect. Because for anything to happen to him she would have to be willing to press charges.
Right up to the end before her last day here before taking leave. She is sobbing hysterically saying "Matt he put a plastic bag over my head. I was screaming for him to stop. He started to choke me by holding my neck so I couldn't scream. But this morning he apoligized said he was sorry and that he is trying to work on his anger issues and that I need to be patient with him and that things will get better. I love him Matt and I hold out hope that things will get better between the two of us"
Get the point....
-Matthew
Sprint100
Well-Known Member
"So again calling the police would have no effect. Because for anything to happen to him she would have to be willing to press charges."
In Cali, if the cops are called on a domestic violence deal, that state will put charges on the defendant even if the plaintiff doesn't want to press charges. I thought it would be the same out here.
Personally if she brought this drama to me, I woulda called the cops just to let knucklehead know go through the drama of the whole thing. I can't stand dudes that whip up on women like that, so I woulda called just out of spite. If the DV laws aren't the same and I wasn't as anti-DV as I am, then I wouldn't call either. Instead, Big Bubba would be puttin in some work. As far as she goes, my homegirl would take her out shopping to distract her while Bubba did the do on that fool.
In Cali, if the cops are called on a domestic violence deal, that state will put charges on the defendant even if the plaintiff doesn't want to press charges. I thought it would be the same out here.
Personally if she brought this drama to me, I woulda called the cops just to let knucklehead know go through the drama of the whole thing. I can't stand dudes that whip up on women like that, so I woulda called just out of spite. If the DV laws aren't the same and I wasn't as anti-DV as I am, then I wouldn't call either. Instead, Big Bubba would be puttin in some work. As far as she goes, my homegirl would take her out shopping to distract her while Bubba did the do on that fool.
Maximilian_Jenius
Super User
In AZ as far as I know the police are going to check to see who has the most signifigant damage. They will look for defensive wounds,cuts and the such.
They will listen and companre stories collect facts and the person with the least amount of wounds is going to jail. If the wounds are so signifigant and the spouse doesn't want to press charges the police can take the other to jail.
I caution you though. Vernetta never came into work with any visible marks or wounds. So calling the police in her matter wouldn't work. Furthermore if the police were called on my part and she failed to press charges and the police felt so inclined and didn't sense any kinda impending danger they *could* arrest me for filing a false police report!
-Matthew
They will listen and companre stories collect facts and the person with the least amount of wounds is going to jail. If the wounds are so signifigant and the spouse doesn't want to press charges the police can take the other to jail.
I caution you though. Vernetta never came into work with any visible marks or wounds. So calling the police in her matter wouldn't work. Furthermore if the police were called on my part and she failed to press charges and the police felt so inclined and didn't sense any kinda impending danger they *could* arrest me for filing a false police report!
-Matthew
Perhaps I was misled. I was uner the impression, Jenius, that you wanted advice. Apparently, you only wanted drama.
Well, I took the time to revisit the first post, and then tried to figure out where I went wrong. As a refresher, here's that first post, and I've taken the liberty of highlighting a few pertinent phrases.
OK, so I really think I was misled. You composed this post to make us believe the woman is in an abusive relationship, and that her life is threatened. Then, when you recieved sound advice as to how to deal with what you know, you refuse it at every point in favor of adding to the drama.
Clearly, you either lied in the first post, or you have no desire to help the woman. Spare us any more drama. As the old saying goes, either poop or get off the pot.
Moron, ass, and jackass are nouns. (Refer to the definition you just copied/pasted.) They're not adjectives, or colorful adjectives, or even a colorful use of adjectives. I believe that we have been exceptionally patient with you through this thread, and you've earned the label I assigned you. It's obvious now that you have no real concern for the health and the safety of the woman and her children. It was my hope that being blunt might get the message across, but I was obviously mistaken. It's too bad that the woman doesn't have a true friend.
.
Well, I took the time to revisit the first post, and then tried to figure out where I went wrong. As a refresher, here's that first post, and I've taken the liberty of highlighting a few pertinent phrases.
Maximillian_Jenius said:
OK, so I really think I was misled. You composed this post to make us believe the woman is in an abusive relationship, and that her life is threatened. Then, when you recieved sound advice as to how to deal with what you know, you refuse it at every point in favor of adding to the drama.
Clearly, you either lied in the first post, or you have no desire to help the woman. Spare us any more drama. As the old saying goes, either poop or get off the pot.
Maximillian_Jenius said:
Moron, ass, and jackass are nouns. (Refer to the definition you just copied/pasted.) They're not adjectives, or colorful adjectives, or even a colorful use of adjectives. I believe that we have been exceptionally patient with you through this thread, and you've earned the label I assigned you. It's obvious now that you have no real concern for the health and the safety of the woman and her children. It was my hope that being blunt might get the message across, but I was obviously mistaken. It's too bad that the woman doesn't have a true friend.
.
bunghole
Well-Known Member
Stop Playing Counselor!
Listen
This is not a situation where advice from you should be given to a sick mother. Its apparent the children that live in her house are in danger as well Its your moral obligation to call the police immediately as n 'NOW' and explain what you know. This at least would get the children removed from this horrific situation. No more time should we wasted on posting the details of her perverted lifestyle that physically and mentally threatens her children.
Do the right thing and call!
Listen
This is not a situation where advice from you should be given to a sick mother. Its apparent the children that live in her house are in danger as well Its your moral obligation to call the police immediately as n 'NOW' and explain what you know. This at least would get the children removed from this horrific situation. No more time should we wasted on posting the details of her perverted lifestyle that physically and mentally threatens her children.
Do the right thing and call!
