Your best jokes about the other services

mjg407

Well-Known Member
Thought this might be fun... I'll start off

Marines


An airman in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a MARINE joke?"
The guy next to him replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs, and I'm a MARINE. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a MARINE. The fella next to him is 6'5" tall, weighs 250, and he's also a MARINE. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?" The Airman says, "Nah, I don't want to have to explain it three times."
 

bravodelta79

New Member
A great list of them...

http://www.f-16.net/aviation_jokes_military.html

My favorite:

These two navigators are walking down a hallway in their squadron. One spies a vending machine that sells pilot wings.

"Dude, we can be pilots for only 75 cents a piece! Right on!"

The navs rip open their pockets, looking for money.

"I got a dollar, righteous!" says one nav.

"I've only got 50 cents." says the other. "Why don't you throw your dollar in, give me your change and then we both can be pilots?!"

"Sounds good" he says. He puts in the dollar and rips open the package, barely containing his joy. He centers his new shiny new wings on his chest and asks his buddy how he looks.

"Wow, you look cool! Can I have your quarter?"

"#### you nav!" He replies back.
 

mjg407

Well-Known Member
Good one BD
Here's another

TDY


An Army grunt sitting in a foxhole, eating MREs and wearing 50lbs of gear after having marched 12 miles, says: "This sucks."
A Navy seaman sitting on his 5' X 2' bunk, in a closet-sized room smelling of oil and rolling from the waves, which he shares with 6 other men, after not having seen the sky for 30 days says: "this really sucks".
A marine, doing push-ups in the mud during a downpour, after an 18 mile march with 60 lbs of gear, says: "I love the way this sucks, oorah!"
The special forces green beret crawling through a leech-infested swamp, eating nothing but bugs and tree bark for 6 days, sneaking around past armed terrorists, says: "I wish this could suck some more!"

An Air Force pilot sitting in an easy chair in an air conditioned hotel, holding a remote control, says: "no cable? this sucks!"
 

Firebird2XC

Well-Known Member
Tell somebody you're a "Graduate of the Marine Corps Aircraft Recognition Program."

When they show interest, go "Yeah, check it out."

The look up and point your finger repeatedly at the sky going
"Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!"

:D
 

mjg407

Well-Known Member
NAVY
Never Again Volunteer Yourself........

and for my marine friends... just remember what is the only part of the apple you don't eat..... that's right the corps
 

woodreau

Well-Known Member
That takes courage

The Joint Chiefs were playing a friendly game of poker one day when the banter turned to a serious discussion as to which service had the most courage.

The Army Chief of Staff brought his fellow generals and admiral out to a firing range where soldiers were practicing their machine-gunning skills, "You want to see courage?" "Soldier, run out across that machine gun range." "Hoo-ahh." Without hesitation, the soldier ran out onto the live machine gun range where he instantly hit. The soldier continued running, walking, then crawling and made it halfway across the range before he finally collapsed and died. "Now folks," said the Army general, "that takes courage."

The Joint Chiefs all agreed, that took courage.

The Air Force Chief of Staff took the group out to an airfield. He searched until he found one of his fighters overflying the field. "You want to see courage?" He grabbed a radio, "Airman crash that plane." Without hesitation, the pilot maneuvered around, pulled vertical into an Immelman, pointed his plane into the ground and crashed, barely missing the Joint Chiefs. "Now folks," said the Air Force general, "that takes courage."

The Joint Chiefs all agreed, that took courage.

The Marine Corps Commandant took his peers out to Quantico. He called over one of his Marines. "You want to see courage?" "Marine, hand me that grenade." The Commandant pulled the pin and dropped the grenade at their feet. "Marine, jump on that grenade." "Oooh-rah!" Without hesitation, the Marine jumped on the grenade taking the shrapnel as it exploded, killing the Marine instantly and saving all the Joint Chiefs from injury. "Now folks," said the Commandant, "that takes courage."

The Joint Chiefs were impressed, that took courage.

The generals now turned to see what the Chief of Naval Operations would do. They went down to the waterfront where the Navy warships were moored. The admiral looked high and low, and finally spotted a sailor, up on the mast high above the O-10 level of the Navy's newest aircraft carrier, haze gray paint roller in one hand and rust-busting needle gun in the other. "You want to see courage?" "Sailor, jump off that mast," he called. The sailor continued busting rust. "Hey sailor, I said jump off that mast." The annoyed sailor looked around and the spotted the Joint Chiefs on the pier far below. "What?" "Sailor, I said jump off that mast." The sailor spit out his dip, scowled at the Joint Chiefs, yelled, "F you, admiral," and turned back to busting rust. The generals were stunned by the sailor's rebuke. "Now gentlemen," said the admiral, "that takes courage."
 

msmspilot

Well-Known Member
[FONT=Arial, Helvetica][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]O[/FONT][/FONT][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]f all the Services, the Air Force has the most intelligent enlisted people. This is not just theory; it's provable fact.

Take the Army. When the stuff hits the fan, the young Army private wakes up to the bellowing of his First Sergeant. He grabs his BDUs out of his foot locker, dresses, runs to the chow-hall for breakfast on the fly, then jumps in his tank. Pretty soon, the company commander, a captain, arrives, gives him a big salute, and says, "Give 'em Hell, soldier!"

Now take the Navy. When the stuff hits the fan, the young Sailor is eating breakfast in the mess. He hustles the 20 feet to his battle station, stuffing extra pastries in his pocket as he goes. There he sits, in the middle of a big, steel target, with nowhere to run, when the Captain comes on the 1MC and says, "Give 'em Hell, Sailors! I salute you!"

Now take the Marines. When the stuff hits the fan, the young Marine is kicked out of bed by his First Sergeant and puts on the muddy set of BDUs he was wearing on the field exercise he was part of three hours earlier. He gets no breakfast, but is told to feel free to chew on his boots. He runs out and forms up with his rifle. Pretty soon, his company commander, a captain, comes out, gives the Marine a sharp salute, and says, "Give 'em Hell, Marine!"

And then there's the Air Force. When the s*** hits the fan, the Airman receives a phone call at his off-base quarters. He gets up, showers,shaves, and puts on the fresh uniform he picked up from the BX cleaners the day before. He jumps in his car and cruises through the McDonalds drive-thru for an Egg McMuffin and Coca-Cola on his way into work. Once at work, he signs in on the duty roster. He proceeds to his F-15, spends 30 minutes pre-flighting it, and signs off the forms. Pretty soon the pilot, a young captain arrives, straps into the jet, and starts the engines. Our young Airman stands at attention, gives the aviator a sharp salute, and says, "Give 'em Hell, Captain!"
[/FONT]
 

Kato

Well-Known Member
NAVY -



Ever wonder why the Navy uses powedered soap?






It takes longer to pick up.......... :buck:
 

mjg407

Well-Known Member
Been to Frankfurt Before?


The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were a short tempered lot, they not only expected you to know your parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British Airways 747 (Speedbird)
Speedbird: "Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active."
Ground: "Guten morgan, taxi to your gate.
The BA 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops.
Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?!"
Speedbird: "Standby ground, I'm looking up the gate location now.
Ground (with typical German patience): "Speedbird, have you never been to Frankfurt before?!" Speedbird (coolly): "Yes, in 1944, but I didn't stop."
 

mjg407

Well-Known Member
Marine Helicopter Pilot: "Range control, I'm holding at 3000' over beacon".
Second voice: "NO! You can't be doing that! I'm holding at 3000' over that beacon!" (brief pause, then first voice again): "You idiot, you're my copilot
 

hart11b

New Member
Good one BD
Here's another

TDY


An Army grunt sitting in a foxhole, eating MREs and wearing 50lbs of gear after having marched 12 miles, says: "This sucks."
A Navy seaman sitting on his 5' X 2' bunk, in a closet-sized room smelling of oil and rolling from the waves, which he shares with 6 other men, after not having seen the sky for 30 days says: "this really sucks".
A marine, doing push-ups in the mud during a downpour, after an 18 mile march with 60 lbs of gear, says: "I love the way this sucks, oorah!"
The special forces green beret crawling through a leech-infested swamp, eating nothing but bugs and tree bark for 6 days, sneaking around past armed terrorists, says: "I wish this could suck some more!"

An Air Force pilot sitting in an easy chair in an air conditioned hotel, holding a remote control, says: "no cable? this sucks!"
 

Attachments

Pilot145xr

New Member
Want to know which branch of service someone is in?

Tell them to "Secure a building".

If they're a Marine, they'll kill everyone in it.

If they're in the Army, they'll post guards at each exit.

If they're in the Navy, they'll make sure all the doors are locked and the lights are turned off.

If they're in the Air Force, they'll obtain a lease with option to buy.

"Building secured, sir!"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why do so many Navy men have tattoos on their backs?

A: It gives the Marines something to read!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------



 

mjg407

Well-Known Member
Marines Rules
1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.

2. Decide to be aggressive enough, quickly enough.

3. Have a plan.

4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.

5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.

6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a '4.'

7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.

8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral & diagonal preferred.)

9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.

10... Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.

11... Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.

12... In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.

13... If you are not shooting, you should be communicating your intention to shoot.

Navy SEAL's Rules:

1. Look very cool in sunglasses.

2. Kill every living thing within view.

3. Adjust Speedo.

4. Check hair in mirror.


US Army Rangers Rules:

1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 75 pound rucksack while starving.

2. Locate individuals requiring killing.

3. Request permission via radio from 'Higher' to perform killing.

4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.

5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 75 pound rucksack while starving.


US Army Rules:

1. Curse bitterly when receiving operational order.

2. Make sure there is extra ammo and extra coffee.

3. Curse bitterly.

4. Curse bitterly.

5. Do not listen to 2nd LTs; it can get you killed.

6. Curse bitterly.


US Air Force Rules:

1. Have a cocktail.

2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.

3. See what's on HBO.

4. Ask 'What is a gunfight?'

5. Request more funding from Congress with a 'killer' Power Point
presentation.

6. Wine & dine ''key' Congressmen, invite DOD & defense industry
executives.

7. Receive funding, set up new command and assemble assets.

8. Declare the assets 'strategic' and never deploy them operationally.

9. Hurry to make 13:45 tee-time.

10. Make sure the base is as far as possible from the conflict but close
enough to have tax exemption.

US Navy Rules:

1. Go to Sea.

2. Drink Coffee.

3. Deploy Marines

Go Navy !
 

bap327

New Member
As a Marine, I always told people who gave me sh#* about the Marine Corps being part of the Navy, ....Yeah we are part of the Navy....the Men's department.

Navy Subs, 100 men go down, 50 happy couples come up.
 

mjg407

Well-Known Member
The Baloonist

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must be an NCO", says the balloonist.
"I am" replies the man. "How did you know."
"Well" says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."
The man below says "you must be an Officer".
"I am" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
 

IslandFlyer

Well-Known Member
The Baloonist

A man is flying in a hot air balloon and realizes he is lost. He reduces height and spots a man down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts: "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"
The man below says: "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, hovering 30 feet above this field."
"You must be an NCO", says the balloonist.
"I am" replies the man. "How did you know."
"Well" says the balloonist, "everything you have told me is technically correct, but it's no use to anyone."
The man below says "you must be an Officer".
"I am" replies the balloonist, "but how did you know?"
"Well", says the man, "you don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."
:rotfl:
 
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