Why Choose Aviation? (From a Pilot's "GF")
- Thread starter Izzy10
- Start date
aloft
New Member
Ah...but what if you could let your happiness define your career?
That's precisely what your ex-bf is doing. Most of us here, too.
skydog
New Member
Izzy, there is nothing particulary deep or complicated going on here. The man's profession has nothing to do with what is happening. Like my old grandpappy said: "You can always find a way to do the things that you want to do." The simple fact is that he doesn't want to be to be with you. Rather than owning up to that fact, he is trying to transfer the blame to you by saying that "you couldn't handle it." I suspect the only reason he even comes around is because you give him a free crashpad, and perhaps a little commitment-free nookie once in a while.
The man's actions speak volumes about his immaturity. He's moved in with his parents rather than getting his own place. He leaches off you rather than getting a different crashpad. He blames failure of the relationship on you rather than accept responsibility for hiw own choices. These are not the actions of a real man. A real man provides for his own needs and takes responsibility for his life.
That said, I also think that you need to do a bit of self-reflection. No strong, confident woman with character would look at a guy lie this and say "Yeah, gotta get me some of that." You should have sent this guy packing long ago, but instead you sit around hoping he throws you a few scraps.
Get a backbone, throw the guy out, and move on.
The man's actions speak volumes about his immaturity. He's moved in with his parents rather than getting his own place. He leaches off you rather than getting a different crashpad. He blames failure of the relationship on you rather than accept responsibility for hiw own choices. These are not the actions of a real man. A real man provides for his own needs and takes responsibility for his life.
That said, I also think that you need to do a bit of self-reflection. No strong, confident woman with character would look at a guy lie this and say "Yeah, gotta get me some of that." You should have sent this guy packing long ago, but instead you sit around hoping he throws you a few scraps.
Get a backbone, throw the guy out, and move on.
skydog - I appreciate what you're saying, but I just don't think that's the case here. My ex-bf is actually more mature than most. He has lived independently of his parents for over ten years - and he will be living elsewhere in the near future. Currently, his stuff pretty much resides at his parents' place while he completes OE and begins flying on reserve. The only reason he doesn't have his own place right now is because he hasn't had time to look for one - and his parents offered to store his stuff. And he's actually paying me rent for using my apartment when he needs a crashpad, so he's not leeching off from me.
Aside from that though, maybe everyone's right. Maybe he just doesn't want to be with me. But if that's the case, he really does need to stop leading me on. And that's what gives me pause in this whole theory because he is not the type of person to do that. His words and his actions are genuine, and there's no way he would continue to give me hope if there's no hope to be had.
I think maybe I'm just expecting too much, too soon. He has a lot going on right now. He's made a lot of impulsive decisions in the past six months - decisions which have had repercussions that he hasn't felt yet or taken the time to examine. I'm sure this is an incredibly hard time for him.
But I don't want anyone to think he's a user or a slacker because he's just not.
Aside from that though, maybe everyone's right. Maybe he just doesn't want to be with me. But if that's the case, he really does need to stop leading me on. And that's what gives me pause in this whole theory because he is not the type of person to do that. His words and his actions are genuine, and there's no way he would continue to give me hope if there's no hope to be had.
I think maybe I'm just expecting too much, too soon. He has a lot going on right now. He's made a lot of impulsive decisions in the past six months - decisions which have had repercussions that he hasn't felt yet or taken the time to examine. I'm sure this is an incredibly hard time for him.
But I don't want anyone to think he's a user or a slacker because he's just not.
surreal1221
Well-Known Member
One of the greatest accomplishments I have been able to enjoy was ferrying a Diamond Evolution from a small private strip just NW of Dallas all the way back to Atlanta.
Was one hell of a great time, and really wish I could do that TYPE of flying for the rest of my life.
JA Yawd Bwoy
Well-Known Member
Hello Izzy,
Well I being the youngest ( oops second youngest 16 ) member on this site I want you to see through my eyes what flying is. Practically evey morning I step out of my house I check to see if any planes form EWR are overpassing my house, I get a natural high off of Jet Fuel, I can tell an the make/model and airline of an airplane from miles away, Hell I can even tell the difference between a A340 and a 757, Your probably thinking " o.k. does it look like I care? but the point I am trying to get across is that to pilot's flying never gets old, You have very few pilots that have never had a love of aviation, and all of a sudden want to fly a jet. I have been obsessed with flying since I knew what an airplane was.
In my opinion I do not think you should assume that you b/f does not think about you, unless he ignores you when he is around you because you can't really know what people are thinking, especially when they are 6-7 miles above the earth
.
Oh and you said previously that pilots do not even really get to explore the cities they go to, well I think you should visit the Pics from the Road section, more speciffically Doug and CitationKid, They seriously go to some exotic places and have the pics as proof!
Well I being the youngest ( oops second youngest 16 ) member on this site I want you to see through my eyes what flying is. Practically evey morning I step out of my house I check to see if any planes form EWR are overpassing my house, I get a natural high off of Jet Fuel, I can tell an the make/model and airline of an airplane from miles away, Hell I can even tell the difference between a A340 and a 757, Your probably thinking " o.k. does it look like I care? but the point I am trying to get across is that to pilot's flying never gets old, You have very few pilots that have never had a love of aviation, and all of a sudden want to fly a jet. I have been obsessed with flying since I knew what an airplane was.
In my opinion I do not think you should assume that you b/f does not think about you, unless he ignores you when he is around you because you can't really know what people are thinking, especially when they are 6-7 miles above the earth
.Oh and you said previously that pilots do not even really get to explore the cities they go to, well I think you should visit the Pics from the Road section, more speciffically Doug and CitationKid, They seriously go to some exotic places and have the pics as proof!
USMC-SSGT
Well-Known Member
Do the extra 2 engines give it away? Ok sorry...had to pick on you for a minute. Youve got me beat, I usually cant tell which model 73 I am looking at or the difference between the airbi 300,310 etc.
And Izzy,
I hate to be the one to say it but aviation is not tearing the relationship apart. Although it certainly is not helping it is not the reason you two are no longer an item. Having done time in the #1 divorce factory (Marines) and now the #2 divorce factory (airlines) I can definitively say that a career does not kill a relationship. If a relationship is meant to work on both ends it absolutely will despite and all adversity. When I was overseas or gone I made it a point to contact my wife EVERY single day. I couldnt always call but I would always write a letter if I couldnt call or email. When I would get to a point where I could mail the letters (sometimes a months worth) I would put them all in the mail so she knew I cared and was thinking about her. She shares an equal interest in communication and would reciprocate as well equally if not more. I can honestly say that with the exception of deployments when it was not physically possible I have at least spoken to my wife to say at least goodnight every single day since the day we met. We have been together for 6 years now and married for 4 and there have been hard times but when you have the right person you work through them and fight for what you believe it. Unfortunately your ex boyfriend was not the one for you and was not willing to fight for what you had. Aviation is often used as a crutch as are many jobs/hobbies for why things are not working. I would put the good money on the fact that if your ex boyfriend was also a librarian that the relationship would not have worked in the long run as well. The good news is that what he has done is now make you a stronger person and set you up nicely for someone who will appreciate you and be willing to make you number one in their life. I hope that you soon find that person who is willing to cuddle and have sex (your words not mine) and when they are not there it will be all they can think of and will count the minutes until they are back in your arms.
I will not try to explain why I am in aviation as I really am not sure I can do it any justice (you can probably tell that I am not a writer) but I will say that I own an airplane and could not imagine working another job and only flying as a hobby on my off time. I work for the airlines and my hobby is flying on the off days.
USMC-SSGT
Well-Known Member
I didnt mean to come off brash with the book cover it was just one of the first things that came to mind. I am a little rough around the edges at times but I do have a point 10% of the time. As for him saying he could not find time to call, I am sorry but that is BS. Did he go to bed? If so just as he laid his head down would have been a great time to at least call you and say goodnight and he loves you. Sometimes I feel like I run around all day from waking up at 0330 to commute to work and then working a 16 hour duty day and hitting the hotel for 6 hours of sleep (or less) but who doesnt have 45 seconds to tell their better half they love them. Next time you talk to him tell him its BS that he did not have time to call you. He may not have had time to find out how your day went, but he did have time to call.
JA Yawd Bwoy
Well-Known Member
I meant the engine sound!:laff:
Just so you guys don't think you're going crazy - I deleted a couple of my last responses because I don't feel that what I said in them was fair to my ex-bf, and when I say things that are unfair, I don't like leaving them out there to mislead people. I think that right now he is just really busy and focused on getting his career as a pilot going. He literally just started on reserves this week after completing a couple of weeks of OE, and everything about this is new to him. While he's flown before and instructed for years, the ins and outs of actually being on the line are new to him, and this is stressful. And I really think I'm just expecting too much, too soon. He needs time to adjust - I need time to adjust - and then we'll see where things are when they settle down. All I do know is that he didn't think he'd call tonight, but he did (I was thrilled), and we had a great conversation about non-relationship things for 2 and 1/2 hours. I don't think it's that he isn't interested; I think that it's just an adjustment period, and I'm sure all of you have been through it.
So I'm going to just be patient and try not to worry too much.
Like always, though, I appreciate everyone's comments. You are truly an insightful bunch - and I appreciate the attention you've given my little thread.
So I'm going to just be patient and try not to worry too much.
Like always, though, I appreciate everyone's comments. You are truly an insightful bunch - and I appreciate the attention you've given my little thread.
JA Yawd Bwoy
Well-Known Member
Thats the Spirit!:rawk::rawk::rawk:
Good Luck on His Career and your Relationship!
Good Luck on His Career and your Relationship!
After reading every single post on this thread, there have been many insightful answers and a lot of excellent advice. Allow me to tell you my story, which is surprisingly similar to yours. I broke up with my ex-girlfriend on March 12th. This decision was made in the heat of the moment and is one I wish I had never made. My decision tore both of us apart and continues to do so. For the past two months and nine days I have been trying to get back together with her. We both agree that we miss each other very much, that we still love each other, and miss the relationship we had. However, between March and now we have both grown and matured. I have started flying full-time once again and will be a flight instructor by the end of the summer. She re-gained admission to UCF and Army ROTC. Starting this fall, she will be on scholarship for nursing. Quite simply, we are both very independent people now; something that we both thought we would never be because we were so dependent upon each other. We literally spent every waking moment together for the past year and a half, and surprisingly that wasn’t our demise. Now, we are both chasing our dreams with the determination that reflects our true passion. When you sit down and think logically about it, if we got back together it would never work. Can you imagine a pilot and an Army nurse having a successful relationship whilst being separated by many lines of longitude for the next six years? It is difficult to imagine, yet I am still holding out for her (sort of) because she says she has not had enough time to make a decision on whether or not she wants to be with me. The point is I see that you still love him just like I love my ex. You hope that you guys will get back together even though you obviously have serious doubts about the viability of the relationship just like I do. We both know the answer to our issue, yet we both refuse to accept the reality of our situations. In my case, just staying best friends with my ex is the way to go. I believe this to be the best answer in your case as well. Allow me to share some advice which I was given by a very wise person: “everything happens for a reason.” Maybe your relationship, like mine, just wasn’t meant to be.
Wolfy
Well-Known Member
I fly because I enjoy the act of flying an airplane and the career allows me to do the other things I want to in life. I don't have to fly, I just consider it the best option for me right now. If I ever think changing my career will make me happier, I'll do it. I'm not going to spend my life serving an industry if I'm getting out less than I put in. A career is a tool, one of many, to help you live the kind of life you want.
How can you go from being intimate to being best friends? I've never understood that. What the heck are you going to do go shopping? Just cut ties, and knock the bottom out of some other chicks a$$.:bandit:
Velocipede
New Member
Its easy to go from intimacy to friendship. You just drop the sex. Because if you weren't friends in the first place, you never were truly intimate.
WOW! Very classy response!
I do apologize.........
You are very wise, sir. It was a natural transition to go from being in a relationship to being friends. However, easy is not necessarily the word I would use to describe it. We were very affectionate toward one another and it has been difficult to just be friends and keep our hands to ourselves, so to speak.
Learflyer- I fully understand your sentiment. That is a similar response to what everyone has told me to do. Just more direct. My problem with that is I have matured beyond that point and have realized that if I cannot be in a relationship with a girl, then at the very least I can be respectful and be friends. Apology accepted.
Wing_96
Well-Known Member
He just never goes away!
Seriously, GREAT analogy!
:yup: That is freakin' hilarious!!
Great analogy Calcapt. I have seen too many people try and change their significant other to be something or someone they're not...