What a year...

rwgb1984

Well-Known Member
JC Family, not really sure what I am looking for by posting this. Possibly just venting, looking for support, but here goes...

So over the last two years things have been up and down in my life personally but within the last year things have been fantastic as well as tragic.

I got engaged last September to an amazing woman who I am excited to share the rest of my life with. About two weeks after we were engaged her parents, married for 28 yrs, decided to get divorced. This has put an indefinite hold on any wedding planning. (We were sort of expecting her parents to be able to help carry some of the cost of the wedding.)

After settling into the after shock of her parents announcement we were confronted with another incredibly stressful situation where my ex-wife alluded to her desire to move to Florida to be with her boyfriend (together at that time only five months) and take our four year old with her. Away from myself, my daughters grandparents (of whom, my mom is one of her most important relationships) and all other support. The events that unfolded became quite heated but thankfully we were able to avoid any serious legal action (which I did pursue until my ex relented, considering the fact that she did not have a job at the time.)

Fast forward to two weeks ago. My mom (51yrs old, a high debt load and making enough money to cover basic expenses and minimum payments on her debts) was implicated in what can be described as nothing short of a scandal involving a local university college, and members of the payroll office paying student employees (who happen to be the children of said payroll employees) for work that they weren't performing. The way she found out was probably the best *sarcasm* part as she was at work when her boss called her into his office to tell her that her name was in a local newspaper article about 1st Degree Felony indictments, that had been handed down by the grand jury earlier that week, for participating in organized criminal activity. We are still awaiting her arraignment date so what will become of said situation remains to be seen.

Then last night my fiance's dad called to tell her that he can no longer pay for her school. Not that this is somthing to be expected (I receive financial aid to pay for school so I'm aware this isn't a right) but this comes after a summer where he was living with his girlfriend and paying for an expensive apartment in the city. She is going to talk to an advisor today to try and find out what her options are (setting up a payment plan for the balance owed for the remainder of the semester, dropping some classes to reduce the amount, etc...)

I guess it just seems like things over the past year in the midst of trying to stay afloat financially at times, stick with school, nurture our relationship, trying to be a good dad that we have faced some fairly large challenges and it all seems like too much. I'm doing my best to be supportive to my fiance' and stay strong myself. But sometimes it does seem like our lives are perched precariously on a razors edge...

I have been seeing a therapist for the past few months (prior to all of the latest events) and having an external perspective to help sort through all of this has been a huge help. However, it still feels like we have days where we are making really good progress forward and then we are confronted with another emergency.

I guess I should at this point clarify that our (myself and my Fiance') relationship is great. All of these events have really pushed us together and allowed us to become supports for each other. So this post isn't really about holding our relationship together as much as it is about trying to get all of this out somewhere and maybe getting some outside perspective? Who knows I guess...

/rant
 

SteveCostello

My member is well-known.
Wow. Thanks for pouring your heart out. Seriously. For two reasons, a.) to let other people that are in rough spots know that they are not alone, and that it is okay to share their pain with others, if for no other reason than to get it off their chests, and b.) to allow other people into your pain to help you in some way, shape, or form. It might not be in a material way, but at the very least, I've found that it helps to know I've got some people that know and are at the very least in my corner cheering for me, lifting me up, and just generally there for me.

I haven't been a member here at JC for very long, but I've already seen what this community can do and what it is capable of.

I can't offer you anything more than moral support. A lot of us have been in similar shoes. 8 years ago, I was essentially homeless. Girlfriend had left. Laid off with no work. Kicked out of rental home. All of my worldly belongings absolutely crammed, tetris-style, in a 5x8 storage unit. Living out of someone ELSE'S home. Hating. Life. Through a lot of hard work, and a TERRIFIC network of support, life is good again. Very good. It wasn't easy, and it won't be for you. But that light at the end of the tunnel? It's good stuff. Really good stuff. THE person that was the most important in all of this was my girlfriend at the time... she's now my wife, and I do not know where I would be without her. We've both relied heavily upon each other to get through life, and there is no other person that I would rather spend the rest of my life with, if for no other reason than the fact that she's seen me at my absolute WORST... yet she stuck it out, and we've come out on top.

It might take some time... hang in there, and rely on your network of friends, family (... I know... and family can be the freaking pits, sometimes), neighbors, and your comrades here. Where do you live? If you lived anywhere near me, I'd definitely say come on over to my place, bring your lady, and let's have a some good food, drink, and forget life for a little while. Oh, and excuse my crazy dog. He's a moose, but he's awfully sweet.
 

MQAAord

Scheherazade
Staff member
Sometimes it's just helpful to get stuff off your chest.

I hope things lift for you soon.
 

rwgb1984

Well-Known Member
Wow. Thanks for pouring your heart out. Seriously. For two reasons, a.) to let other people that are in rough spots know that they are not alone, and that it is okay to share their pain with others, if for no other reason than to get it off their chests, and b.) to allow other people into your pain to help you in some way, shape, or form. It might not be in a material way, but at the very least, I've found that it helps to know I've got some people that know and are at the very least in my corner cheering for me, lifting me up, and just generally there for me.

I haven't been a member here at JC for very long, but I've already seen what this community can do and what it is capable of.

I can't offer you anything more than moral support. A lot of us have been in similar shoes. 8 years ago, I was essentially homeless. Girlfriend had left. Laid off with no work. Kicked out of rental home. All of my worldly belongings absolutely crammed, tetris-style, in a 5x8 storage unit. Living out of someone ELSE'S home. Hating. Life. Through a lot of hard work, and a TERRIFIC network of support, life is good again. Very good. It wasn't easy, and it won't be for you. But that light at the end of the tunnel? It's good stuff. Really good stuff. THE person that was the most important in all of this was my girlfriend at the time... she's now my wife, and I do not know where I would be without her. We've both relied heavily upon each other to get through life, and there is no other person that I would rather spend the rest of my life with, if for no other reason than the fact that she's seen me at my absolute WORST... yet she stuck it out, and we've come out on top.

It might take some time... hang in there, and rely on your network of friends, family (... I know... and family can be the freaking pits, sometimes), neighbors, and your comrades here. Where do you live? If you lived anywhere near me, I'd definitely say come on over to my place, bring your lady, and let's have a some good food, drink, and forget life for a little while. Oh, and excuse my crazy dog. He's a moose, but he's awfully sweet.
Thanks for sharing your story. It definitely helps to know that at least somewhere for someone else they were able to find and reach the light at the end of the tunnel. As far as where I live, I'm in DFW. I laughed reading about your dog! I've got a pitbull and a great dane (Mowgli and Jack respectively, although I call them tweedel dee and tweedel dumb on a regular basis.)

We figured out a way to get financial aid for my WIFE now for next semester: we need to get informally married. (which we already did.) Not as bad as a Vegas wedding but still surreal nonetheless.

Thanks again for the words of support and encouragement. I know that things are a long way from being resolved but I'm going to crack open a bud (later tonight - It's 0700 right now for Pete's sake!) and have a drink to the hope that tomorrow will eventually be better than today!
 

SteveCostello

My member is well-known.
Here ya go: something from one of our local breweries. Hey, it's got coffee in it, so you can drink it in the morning!

 

rwgb1984

Well-Known Member
Here ya go: something from one of our local breweries. Hey, it's got coffee in it, so you can drink it in the morning!

ha! I guess there's a loophole somewhere! But seriously again, thank you guys so much! I've received a lot of encouragement from everyone on the forums here. In spite of how rough the last year has been my wife (I'll probably wear this out for a while!) and I have learned to find the silver lining in all things. We talked last night and are excited about how many new opportunities will open up now that we are legally married and now that she will be receiving financial aid from school.

Another thing that this has really taught us is to value the most important things in our lives (namely our relationship with each other and our family.) And because we have had to fight for everything we have earned we feel a huge sense of pride in being able to be the glue in certain situations (like with my mom for example) and for the fact that the financial stability (hey, the bills are paid what more could I ask for!) we have now is directly attributable to our efforts.
 

Pilotforhire587

Lycra Man
Keep your head up and pushing forward man! It takes a lot to spill your story like that but it sure makes you feel better afterwards. Good luck to you both, I don't think you will have any problems as your priority's being #1 your kid, and #2 your fiance are up top and in the right order. Good luck man!
 

FXMXC

Well-Known Member
JC Family, not really sure what I am looking for by posting this. Possibly just venting, looking for support, but here goes...

So over the last two years things have been up and down in my life personally but within the last year things have been fantastic as well as tragic.

I got engaged last September to an amazing woman who I am excited to share the rest of my life with. About two weeks after we were engaged her parents, married for 28 yrs, decided to get divorced. This has put an indefinite hold on any wedding planning. (We were sort of expecting her parents to be able to help carry some of the cost of the wedding.)

After settling into the after shock of her parents announcement we were confronted with another incredibly stressful situation where my ex-wife alluded to her desire to move to Florida to be with her boyfriend (together at that time only five months) and take our four year old with her. Away from myself, my daughters grandparents (of whom, my mom is one of her most important relationships) and all other support. The events that unfolded became quite heated but thankfully we were able to avoid any serious legal action (which I did pursue until my ex relented, considering the fact that she did not have a job at the time.)

Fast forward to two weeks ago. My mom (51yrs old, a high debt load and making enough money to cover basic expenses and minimum payments on her debts) was implicated in what can be described as nothing short of a scandal involving a local university college, and members of the payroll office paying student employees (who happen to be the children of said payroll employees) for work that they weren't performing. The way she found out was probably the best *sarcasm* part as she was at work when her boss called her into his office to tell her that her name was in a local newspaper article about 1st Degree Felony indictments, that had been handed down by the grand jury earlier that week, for participating in organized criminal activity. We are still awaiting her arraignment date so what will become of said situation remains to be seen.

Then last night my fiance's dad called to tell her that he can no longer pay for her school. Not that this is somthing to be expected (I receive financial aid to pay for school so I'm aware this isn't a right) but this comes after a summer where he was living with his girlfriend and paying for an expensive apartment in the city. She is going to talk to an advisor today to try and find out what her options are (setting up a payment plan for the balance owed for the remainder of the semester, dropping some classes to reduce the amount, etc...)

I guess it just seems like things over the past year in the midst of trying to stay afloat financially at times, stick with school, nurture our relationship, trying to be a good dad that we have faced some fairly large challenges and it all seems like too much. I'm doing my best to be supportive to my fiance' and stay strong myself. But sometimes it does seem like our lives are perched precariously on a razors edge...

I have been seeing a therapist for the past few months (prior to all of the latest events) and having an external perspective to help sort through all of this has been a huge help. However, it still feels like we have days where we are making really good progress forward and then we are confronted with another emergency.

I guess I should at this point clarify that our (myself and my Fiance') relationship is great. All of these events have really pushed us together and allowed us to become supports for each other. So this post isn't really about holding our relationship together as much as it is about trying to get all of this out somewhere and maybe getting some outside perspective? Who knows I guess...

/rant
Yeah you have some bumps but the main thing is you have a fiance' that is right there by your side. I still would trade places with you in a heartbeat. I am almost 50 and never found the right woman so still single probably will be for the rest of my days. If she is true that will get you through all the rough spots. Like some others have said all I can offer you is support. Life is full of ups and downs sometimes they are really bad as long as you are there for each other and you love each other you can weather any storm
 

rwgb1984

Well-Known Member
Yeah you have some bumps but the main thing is you have a fiance' that is right there by your side. I still would trade places with you in a heartbeat. I am almost 50 and never found the right woman so still single probably will be for the rest of my days. If she is true that will get you through all the rough spots. Like some others have said all I can offer you is support. Life is full of ups and downs sometimes they are really bad as long as you are there for each other and you love each other you can weather any storm
I really appreciate your kind words. You're right to say that as long as we have each other we will be able to weather any storm. I know that is the one thing that has kept us sane is the knowledge that we will cover each other no matter what is going on. I hope you know as well that regardless of whether or not you will be single for the rest of your days you do have a family of people here that will be there to support you as well. I know from first hand experience that this has always been true. Take care.
 
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