Ohh Woe is me.  Last night there was a PIT-DCA cancellation.  This mornings flight was oversold so it was off to the United gates to beg for a ride.  Lots of seats and Yes, the beloved Waffle with cream and caramel filling.  I still have it, I stashed it for later.  What ever shall I do now??  No tasty waffles on United.
It's a conspiracy! We sent you Skippy, J. Scott Kirby, and he is finding out what pilots really love, and taking it away.  He wants to soften you up for section 6.  He hates pilots, he is an Air Force Academy grad who washed out of UPT.  First it's waffles then it's scope, because he has to have big RJ's to get Big Shiny Widebody Jets.  Then it will be who-knows-what.  It's a conspiracy!  It's a plot!  Don't let down your guard.
Don't fall for it, if you don't draw the line at waffles, there is not telling what he will do next.