In fighter pilot heaven....[MikeD comments in brackets]
*Everybody's a Captain except God, he's a Major [me: forever Captain]
*You only come to work when you're going to fl
*You fly two times a day except Friday
*You never run out of gas or bullets [always a pain having munitions to drop, but being bingo fuel]
*The missions are only one hour long and no briefings/debriefings are
ever required [Amen, sat in one F-16 debrief that went 6.7 hours!]
*You never have to wear a G-suit [uncomfortable as heck]
*Onboard radars are all strong, and never break lock [don't matter to me!]
*You're always TDY, and there are no check rides
*It's always VFR, and there are never any ATC delays [a must with the 1950s-era Beech Bonanza IFR panel of the A-10]
*You can fly out of the area [same old Gila Bend gets boring]
*There are no areas
*Flight down to 50' AGL is approved and encouraged
*There are no "over Gs" [easy to do, not with the jet, but with what's hanging underneath it]
*You always fly the overhead with initial at 20' AGL, then break left
*You can go cross country anytime you desire, the farther, the better
*There are no ORIs [biggest pain in the butt...readiness inspections]
*There is no SOF or mobile/RSU [less adult supervision, the better]
*There are no Friday meetings, but the Friday evening Stag bar is
mandatory [Stag bars no longer PC, that's too bad....we need them]
*There are no Flight Surgeons
*There are no Wing/Group or higher staff jobs [staff pukes....useless]
*All pilots are issued a Rolex or Breitling, and their choice of a
Corvette or Porsche [The gaudier, the better....replace "Corvette or Porsche" with "Kenworth or Peterbilt"]
*You don't need a kitchen pass, and the kitchen and bar are always open
*There are always at least five $100 bills in your pocket [I wish]
*Happy Hour begins at 1400 and lasts until 0200
*SuperSDO is the bartender, the other five are well endowed blondes [duty officer/bartender....been there....]
*Beer is free, but whiskey costs five cents
*The bar serves only Chivas Regal, Jack Daniels, Beefeaters, or
Jerimiah Weed [Colt 45 also]
*The girls are all friendly and each pilot is allowed three [a nice crowd]
*There are no overweight women, and the thin ones look like DEnise Richards
*Country western music is free on the juke [questionably heavenly]
*The craps tables are always hot, and you never lose at blackjack
*You never lose your room key, and your buddies never leave you
stranded at the club
*Saluting is not required [EVER!]
*Scarves are forbidden, and you're encouraged to roll up the flight
suit sleeves [scarves are for the loops-to-music Thunderbirds types and wannabes; I'm ussually seen with 5 o'clock shadow, rolled up flightsuit sleeves, undone zippers, no t-shirt underneath, and zipper 1/4 down]
*The motor pool always has a staff car for visiting pilots [prefer a camo Blazer]
*The Base Exchange always has every item you ask for, most of which are free [anybody been to the exchange AAFES (Army Air Force Exchange Service....looking at the demographics of the workers, should be Asian American Female Employment Service]
*There are never any crosswind landings, and the runway is always dry
*Drag chute landings are never required [I'll find out about that soon]
*Control tower flybys for a wheels up check must be made at 600 knots [absoultely!]
*There are never any noise complaints [F%cking Scottsdale!]
*Full AB [afterburner] climbs over base housing are always encouraged [especially over housing at civilian fields]
*OPRs always contain the statement "Outstanding Officer" [or other suitable BS comments]
*Formal functions requiring Class A/Mess Dress or other formal attire
never occur [Amen!]
*"Ace" status is conferred upon all pilots entering heaven
*There is no hell
*All Air Traffic Controllers are friendly and always provide priority
handling
*Airplanes never break
*All fighters have one, and only one, seat [Amen to that too]
*Everybody's a Captain except God, he's a Major [me: forever Captain]
*You only come to work when you're going to fl
*You fly two times a day except Friday
*You never run out of gas or bullets [always a pain having munitions to drop, but being bingo fuel]
*The missions are only one hour long and no briefings/debriefings are
ever required [Amen, sat in one F-16 debrief that went 6.7 hours!]
*You never have to wear a G-suit [uncomfortable as heck]
*Onboard radars are all strong, and never break lock [don't matter to me!]
*You're always TDY, and there are no check rides
*It's always VFR, and there are never any ATC delays [a must with the 1950s-era Beech Bonanza IFR panel of the A-10]
*You can fly out of the area [same old Gila Bend gets boring]
*There are no areas
*Flight down to 50' AGL is approved and encouraged
*There are no "over Gs" [easy to do, not with the jet, but with what's hanging underneath it]
*You always fly the overhead with initial at 20' AGL, then break left
*You can go cross country anytime you desire, the farther, the better
*There are no ORIs [biggest pain in the butt...readiness inspections]
*There is no SOF or mobile/RSU [less adult supervision, the better]
*There are no Friday meetings, but the Friday evening Stag bar is
mandatory [Stag bars no longer PC, that's too bad....we need them]
*There are no Flight Surgeons
*There are no Wing/Group or higher staff jobs [staff pukes....useless]
*All pilots are issued a Rolex or Breitling, and their choice of a
Corvette or Porsche [The gaudier, the better....replace "Corvette or Porsche" with "Kenworth or Peterbilt"]
*You don't need a kitchen pass, and the kitchen and bar are always open
*There are always at least five $100 bills in your pocket [I wish]
*Happy Hour begins at 1400 and lasts until 0200
*SuperSDO is the bartender, the other five are well endowed blondes [duty officer/bartender....been there....]
*Beer is free, but whiskey costs five cents
*The bar serves only Chivas Regal, Jack Daniels, Beefeaters, or
Jerimiah Weed [Colt 45 also]
*The girls are all friendly and each pilot is allowed three [a nice crowd]
*There are no overweight women, and the thin ones look like DEnise Richards
*Country western music is free on the juke [questionably heavenly]
*The craps tables are always hot, and you never lose at blackjack
*You never lose your room key, and your buddies never leave you
stranded at the club
*Saluting is not required [EVER!]
*Scarves are forbidden, and you're encouraged to roll up the flight
suit sleeves [scarves are for the loops-to-music Thunderbirds types and wannabes; I'm ussually seen with 5 o'clock shadow, rolled up flightsuit sleeves, undone zippers, no t-shirt underneath, and zipper 1/4 down]
*The motor pool always has a staff car for visiting pilots [prefer a camo Blazer]
*The Base Exchange always has every item you ask for, most of which are free [anybody been to the exchange AAFES (Army Air Force Exchange Service....looking at the demographics of the workers, should be Asian American Female Employment Service]
*There are never any crosswind landings, and the runway is always dry
*Drag chute landings are never required [I'll find out about that soon]
*Control tower flybys for a wheels up check must be made at 600 knots [absoultely!]
*There are never any noise complaints [F%cking Scottsdale!]
*Full AB [afterburner] climbs over base housing are always encouraged [especially over housing at civilian fields]
*OPRs always contain the statement "Outstanding Officer" [or other suitable BS comments]
*Formal functions requiring Class A/Mess Dress or other formal attire
never occur [Amen!]
*"Ace" status is conferred upon all pilots entering heaven
*There is no hell
*All Air Traffic Controllers are friendly and always provide priority
handling
*Airplanes never break
*All fighters have one, and only one, seat [Amen to that too]