Success Stories - Anyone been married to a pilot for 10+ ?

Propilot

Well-Known Member
I'm wondering if there are any wives on here that have been married to a pilot for many many years? 10+?

I am considering an exit plan from aviation because I think it destroys personal life. Hoping for some success stories....


Anyone?
 

MQAAord

Scheherazade
Staff member
Re: Success Stories - Anyone been married to a pilot for 10+

Well I haven't been married for 10+ years but Bill and I have been together since July of 1996. Married in March 2002.

Independence & understanding of the schedule/life are the two most important factors in a successful relationship in "our" world.
 

BajtheJino

I'm looking at you.
Re: Success Stories - Anyone been married to a pilot for 10+

I work with a Capt. that just celebrated 30+ years. Most of the other guys that are married are still on their first wives.
Aviation doesn't necessarily destroy marriages, weak people do.
 

MQAAord

Scheherazade
Staff member
Re: Success Stories - Anyone been married to a pilot for 10+

I work with a Capt. that just celebrated 30+ years. Most of the other guys that are married are still on their first wives.
Aviation doesn't necessarily destroy marriages, weak people do.
Couldn't agree more.

Marriage is about more than the job, it's about the PEOPLE in the marriage.
 

Polar742

All the responsibility none of the authority
Re: Success Stories - Anyone been married to a pilot for 10+

8+ here.

I flew with a guy that has flown with about every crap carrier out there, he's been married for 30, and not taken short cuts.

It's possible
 

Kristie

Mama Bear....
Staff member
Re: Success Stories - Anyone been married to a pilot for 10+

Doug and I have been together since '93. it has it's ups and downs but key is to get thru it together, not individually.
 

OldTownPilot

Well-Known Member
Re: Success Stories - Anyone been married to a pilot for 10+

The folks just celebrated 25 years last week.

However they actually met at an airport. The old man was flying scenic flights in BHB, and my mom was selling tickets as a summer job while college. That was 29 years ago.
 

Velocipede

New Member
Re: Success Stories - Anyone been married to a pilot for 10+

28 years for me Oct. 25. The secret (and its a two-way street BTW)?

"Don't ask, don't tell."

LOL!
 

400A

New Member
Re: Success Stories - Anyone been married to a pilot for 10+

Ten years for the misses and me next June, been together for almost 15 years. The secret, and this is important, marry your best friend.
 

Propilot

Well-Known Member
Re: Success Stories - Anyone been married to a pilot for 10+

Thanks for the thoughts so far people. :} Good to hear the positive since all I usually seem to hear is bad stories.
 

Low&Slow

Ancora imparo
Re: Success Stories - Anyone been married to a pilot for 10+

I am considering an exit plan from aviation because I think it destroys personal life.
Why do you think aviation is responsible for destroying personal lives? How is aviation itself responsible? I'm not trying to be offensive, rude, or obnoxious, but you made a very specific question and followed it up with a very open statement that needs to be defined or explained a little bit better if you want to receive valid, useful feeback.

Are you talking about personal lives in general or specifically marital relationships? I ask because you implied that you are looking for responses from wives married to pilots. What do you mean by, "destroys personal life"? Could you give any examples of how personal life is destroyed specifically by aviation?

For the purpose of discussion, does it make a difference if the wife is also a pilot? What about if the wife is the pilot that the (non-flying) husband is married to? Also, I am assuming that when you say "pilot", you mean a full-time professional pilot.

It seems very likely to me that there are many wives who have remained married to a pilot for more than ten years, and I am sure there are also some whose marriage lasted fewer than ten days. Due to the lack of consistency when the variable of marriage to an aviator is held constant, a correlation between a career in aviation and separation/divorce cannot be made.

I have heard very similar concerns from soldiers and their wives, physicians I have worked with, and also from guys I currently work with in Nuclear power generation. Because of those experiences, and also the fact that relationships are very complicated and can be affected by many different variables such as age, race, income, unrealistic expectations, addictions, etc., I wonder if the problem isn't with the careers, but with the relationships themselves.

If the question and statement you made were raised with regards to possible anxiety in your relationship, and not merely for academic purposes, then I would recommend you meet with a marriage counselor and get professional help.

Finally, is this concern the true reason you are thinking of bailing out of the industry (pardon the pun), or are you looking to justify an exit out of aviation to yourself? You need to be completely honest with yourself about your true motive for leaving aviation if you are going to make the right decision. Taking good medication for the wrong condition doesn't make the illness go away. Sometimes it is very, very hard to be completely honest with ourselves, but it isn't healthy to deny the truth.
 

Propilot

Well-Known Member
Re: Success Stories - Anyone been married to a pilot for 10+

All good points.


I guess its not pilot specific but time away from home specific. Soilders, Offshore oil workers, ice road truckers ;].


I guess its just you always hear about how so and so pilot got divorced but you never hear about the good stories. I was just looking for some of those.
 

Hacker15e

Dunning–Kruger Observer
Re: Success Stories - Anyone been married to a pilot for 10+

I'm military and a pilot. Been married 10 years with no end in sight.

I think the real secret is ensuring both people are strong individuals, and can function independently (since the other will spend large chunks of time away from home). It's when you get heavily dependent and co-dependent relationships that you have problems. Those relationships are dysfunctional to begin with, but throw in periods of separation to the mix, and you have the seeds for disaster.

I'm of the opinion that marriages that break up "because" of the military or flying were probably going to break up anyway...and that the stress and separation were just catalysts to something that existed all ready.

It's all about you and your spouse, and how you choose to "negotiate" this contract we call marriage. Remember, the contract you signed when you said "I do" is only good as long as you both choose to honor it. So, it requires a constant renegotiation to keep both parties happy. That means marriage is not a passive entity -- it requires constant engagement between you and your spouse about what is and is not working.

Being able to negotiate how you will both handle the time spent separated is significant. What is and is not acceptable behavior. What will and won't make you jealous or mad. In the short periods you spend together, what's important and what isn't. Who is going to manage the money. What are okay expenditures and what aren't.

They're tough questions that many spouses never spend the time to discuss eye-to-eye and come to an agreement on. More often than not, when they're discussed there is very little "negotiation" involved and everyone sticks to their guns of how they think a marriage is "supposed" to work. Guess what, y'all...there's no book definition of how a marriage is supposed to work. This is how you have both lifelong partners and "swingers" covered under the same marriage concept -- it all depends on how you and your spouse agree it's supposed to work.
 

Propilot

Well-Known Member
Re: Success Stories - Anyone been married to a pilot for 10+

Thanks for your thoughts. I'm actually not married yet. Hell, right about the time I find a nice girl I end up moving... in that last 5 years ive lived in 7 states while chasing this career. I know that will slow down a bit, but it just seems the only stories I hear are the bad ones about time away from home making it difficult to build and keep relationships.


Its good to hear the positive stories though. I knew they were out there. Thanks for sharing.
 

Kristie

Mama Bear....
Staff member
Re: Success Stories - Anyone been married to a pilot for 10+

All good points.


I guess its not pilot specific but time away from home specific. Soilders, Offshore oil workers, ice road truckers ;].
the cliff notes to dealing with time away and all that is just finding yourself a girl that's independent and stays independent.....
 

ChrisA

New Member
Re: Success Stories - Anyone been married to a pilot for 10+

the cliff notes to dealing with time away and all that is just finding yourself a girl that's independent and stays independent.....
I think I'll need to find a guy who will be that way, lol.

Ya know? Considering I'm going for the pilot's job...:D Or maybe just a fellow pilot, but my current boyfriend's good to me, so I shall keep him.
 

braunpilot

What day is it?
Re: Success Stories - Anyone been married to a pilot for 10+

Ten years for the misses and me next June, been together for almost 15 years. The secret, and this is important, marry your best friend.
:yeahthat:Totally agree, if I had not married my best friend I would not be where I am today. She helps me keep my head on straight and without her I truly do not believe that I would be where I am today. She 100% behind me and I would not do anything to place our relationship in jepordy! We have been married only 4 years but without her being my best friend and being able to tell her everything I don't think I could be married.

the cliff notes to dealing with time away and all that is just finding yourself a girl that's independent and stays independent.....
Funny thing is we are super dependant on each other. She does what she has to but I still feel needed when I come home. Best feeling in the world when I get home and she is just super happy that I am home.

I do have to say though, my wifes father is a pilot, not for an airline, but she knew what she was getting into before we got married. (Maybe even more than I did!) I still wish that I could be home more but we both understand that is not possible but someday I will be home more, whether good or bad, we also know that the phone, IM, texting, and voicemail is very important to hear each others voice and know that we do support each other. Never let them think that they are not important to you if they are not! Seriously. I truly believe that behind every strong man is a stronger women because they have to put up with our BS and company stuff that we cannot control.

They have to understand what it means to be a pilot. That is not a job, it's a life style!
 

bareman

Well-Known Member
Re: Success Stories - Anyone been married to a pilot for 10+

Glad to hear some good stories. I have witnessed too many relationships that my coworkers are in that are not going well because of the time away from home / demanding schedule.

This has caused me to actually avoid long term relationships because I refuse to have someone resent me because of my job. I have decided that once I am based at home, which is a big goal for me, I will likely pursue more long term relationships.

Thanks for the posts! :)
 
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