This "article" is kind of long...but is funny and true.
SHINY-JET SYNDROME: THE CAREER KILLER
"Every year hundreds of young pilots from around the world are afflicted with a paralyzing disease: Shiny-jetsyndrome. SJS."
- Sally Struthers, national spokesperson.
(Television Infomercial #17 Transcript)
[Enter Sally Struthers in front of a black
backdrop]
Sally: "Every year hundreds of young pilots from around the world are afflicted with a paralyzing disease. Shiny-jet-syndrome. SJS."
[Fade to daylight. Sanford Airport, Comair academy, a 22 year old CFI climbing into a Seminole with his student.]
Sally: "Thats right. Today 9 in every 10 young pilots is a victim of SJS. Take Jimmy here. Jimmy is a smart, young man. He was raised in an upper, middle-class suburb. Jimmy's dad was a Delta pilot. Jimmy has been a flight instructor here at Comair academy for 3 weeks now. See how happy
he is? See how much pride Jimmy takes in his job?"
[Jimmy hears a jet engine overhead, looks up at the contrail of a jetliner passing overhead, fade to black.]
[Fade to daylight. Sanford Airport, Comair academy, summer, the 22 year old CFI climbing into a Seminole with his student.]
Sally: "It's now been six weeks since Jimmy started his new job. He has almost 60hours of instructing under his belt. The symptoms of SJS have already begun to manifest themselves. Jimmy is a victim. He constantly complains about his lack of career progression. With a little over 500
hours total time and zero actual instrument, Jimmy had expected to be flying a regional jet by now."
[1]
Victims: These pilots earn less today than a New York City bus driver. Sadly, they were distracted by the colored lights and buttons.
S.J.S. September 2006 - B6 Edition
Question #2:
Do you know a pilot who believes that AirTran or JetBlue are the "majors"
they've wanted to work for for "their whole lives"?
“Wow, my airplane has TV’s!!” - Jimmy*
*name changed to protect the guilty.
[Zoom to Jimmy in the cockpit, sweat pouring from his face, his features twisted. angry, arrogant, frustrated (i/e Anakin before becoming Darth Vader) Fade to black.]
Sally: "A year later, SJS has fully taken him over. Jimmy is a regional jet co-pilot now. Let's watch..."
[Fade in on Jimmy walking through the terminal. He is wearing a uniform of sorts. He is carrying his hat, listening to his IPod, with his backpack tossed over his shoulder. His hair is frosted at the tips and he chews
gum as he strolls through the terminal. He see's "RJ" - the Comair mascot up ahead, and thinks of how cool it is to fly for an airline
with a big, fuzzy, talking, RJ for a mascot.]
Sally: "Jimmy looks happy now, he's an airline pilot. With less than one-thousand hours total time though, Jimmy is a burden to the Captains he flies with. His ego is enormous. He feels as though he is a modern day Ernest Gann or SkyKing but without the autopilot and flight director he is
borderline dangerous. He is lazy, apathetic, and still angry. He had expected to be working for a major airline right now."
[Camera pans to Jimmy peering outside the terminal at a Boeing 757...and then, an EMB-190 taxies out from behind it. A crooked smile forms on Jimmy's lips. Fade to black.]
[Fade to daylight. The cockpit of an EMB-190. The year is 2008 and Jimmy is a new Captain.]
Sally: "SJS has finally claimed its victim.
Jimmy -- for the time being -- is happy. His airline flies an armada of narrow-body, Embraer jets that carry as many as 100 passengers.
Jimmy gets paid less today than a city bus driver. He earns less than an Amtrak conductor. On average he is earning more than $50/hr LESS than the majorairline pilots his company competes with. His copilot, Sean, has been a major airline pilot for about one month. He is elated to be flying a big jet for $28,000/yr. As long as his parents continue to send those allowance
checks, this could be the best job ever!"
[Camera zooms on Captain Jimmy as he sees a company A320 pass by...Jimmy's vision blurs... he looks again and visualizes himself in the cockpit of his airline’s bigger aircraft.]
Jimmy: “Wow. Someday I will even get to fly transcons in our widebody.”
[Cut again to that crooked smile.]
Sally: "Except he probably never will. His discount airline has orders and options for a couple hundred A320’s, but with Jimmy’s seniority and the young age of the pilot group, his upgrade is far, far, away. If ever. No, Jimmy is in a dead-end job."
[Camera fades to Jimmy's Comair Academy enrollment photo. He's shaking hands with mascot "RJ." Fade to Jimmy today.]
Interior view of shiny-jet
(not shown: Blue Glovestm)
Sally: “Jimmy just got off the phone with a former EMB-190 new-hire classmate of his. His buddy quit a few years ago to work for Southwest or FedEx. His buddy now makes much more as a copilot than Jimmy earns as a Captain and with better benefits, work rules, schedule, and culture. Jimmy
wonders where he went wrong....”
[Camera fades in on Sally.]
Sally: "Do YOU know someone who is a victim of SJS? Watch for these warning signs!”
* Do you know a pilot who has calculated what his company stock options
could be worth in ten years if the stock price triples each year?
* Do you know a pilot who actually believes that AirTran or JetBlue are the
majors" they've wanted to work for for "their whole lives"? Or for that matter,
that Independence Air was ever a good idea or a real airline?
* Do you know a pilot who says, “I don’t really need real long-term disability
because my health is fine. Besides, we have JCCF. They’ll take care of my
family, right? Right?"
* Do you know a pilot who has said, "I know everybody thinks my pay is low,
but I’d much rather work here than at a legacy because we have a great culture. Can you hand me those gloves?”
* Do you know a pilot who folds into the fetal position and mumbles, “happy
place, happy place,” twice a month when his pay check is deposited?"
* Do you know any pilot who lies about the airline they work for, or the
aircraft they fly, while using their profession to attempt to pick up women in
a bar?
* Do you know a pilot who says, "I know they only match 3% in my 401K,
but thats OK because I’ll probably get social security and they can’t take that
away can they?”
Sally: "If the answer to any of those questions was "yes" your friend might have SJS. Watch for these warning signs. SJS is a violent and dangerous disease. It is important to stop it in its tracks. Together we can reach that goal. Here at the Jets R' Neat Institute we are researching cures for SJS. We've done a lot, but you can help. For just $366 per day
you can sponsor a pilot. For less than the cost of a good-quality, 102” plasma high definition television you can sponsor an aspiring airline pilot and
show them what life would be like if they actually made the money that major airline pilots used to make. This is the first step in ending SJS." Jimmy, and others just like him, needs your help. Please send your check, made out to “Bearer,” for $11,346.00 every month to:
The Jets R' Neat Institute c/o Occupant
Trailer #12
Happy Valley Trailer Park
Coraopolis, PA 15108
[2]
SHINY-JET SYNDROME: THE CAREER KILLER
"Every year hundreds of young pilots from around the world are afflicted with a paralyzing disease: Shiny-jetsyndrome. SJS."
- Sally Struthers, national spokesperson.
(Television Infomercial #17 Transcript)
[Enter Sally Struthers in front of a black
backdrop]
Sally: "Every year hundreds of young pilots from around the world are afflicted with a paralyzing disease. Shiny-jet-syndrome. SJS."
[Fade to daylight. Sanford Airport, Comair academy, a 22 year old CFI climbing into a Seminole with his student.]
Sally: "Thats right. Today 9 in every 10 young pilots is a victim of SJS. Take Jimmy here. Jimmy is a smart, young man. He was raised in an upper, middle-class suburb. Jimmy's dad was a Delta pilot. Jimmy has been a flight instructor here at Comair academy for 3 weeks now. See how happy
he is? See how much pride Jimmy takes in his job?"
[Jimmy hears a jet engine overhead, looks up at the contrail of a jetliner passing overhead, fade to black.]
[Fade to daylight. Sanford Airport, Comair academy, summer, the 22 year old CFI climbing into a Seminole with his student.]
Sally: "It's now been six weeks since Jimmy started his new job. He has almost 60hours of instructing under his belt. The symptoms of SJS have already begun to manifest themselves. Jimmy is a victim. He constantly complains about his lack of career progression. With a little over 500
hours total time and zero actual instrument, Jimmy had expected to be flying a regional jet by now."
[1]
Victims: These pilots earn less today than a New York City bus driver. Sadly, they were distracted by the colored lights and buttons.
S.J.S. September 2006 - B6 Edition
Question #2:
Do you know a pilot who believes that AirTran or JetBlue are the "majors"
they've wanted to work for for "their whole lives"?
“Wow, my airplane has TV’s!!” - Jimmy*
*name changed to protect the guilty.
[Zoom to Jimmy in the cockpit, sweat pouring from his face, his features twisted. angry, arrogant, frustrated (i/e Anakin before becoming Darth Vader) Fade to black.]
Sally: "A year later, SJS has fully taken him over. Jimmy is a regional jet co-pilot now. Let's watch..."
[Fade in on Jimmy walking through the terminal. He is wearing a uniform of sorts. He is carrying his hat, listening to his IPod, with his backpack tossed over his shoulder. His hair is frosted at the tips and he chews
gum as he strolls through the terminal. He see's "RJ" - the Comair mascot up ahead, and thinks of how cool it is to fly for an airline
with a big, fuzzy, talking, RJ for a mascot.]
Sally: "Jimmy looks happy now, he's an airline pilot. With less than one-thousand hours total time though, Jimmy is a burden to the Captains he flies with. His ego is enormous. He feels as though he is a modern day Ernest Gann or SkyKing but without the autopilot and flight director he is
borderline dangerous. He is lazy, apathetic, and still angry. He had expected to be working for a major airline right now."
[Camera pans to Jimmy peering outside the terminal at a Boeing 757...and then, an EMB-190 taxies out from behind it. A crooked smile forms on Jimmy's lips. Fade to black.]
[Fade to daylight. The cockpit of an EMB-190. The year is 2008 and Jimmy is a new Captain.]
Sally: "SJS has finally claimed its victim.
Jimmy -- for the time being -- is happy. His airline flies an armada of narrow-body, Embraer jets that carry as many as 100 passengers.
Jimmy gets paid less today than a city bus driver. He earns less than an Amtrak conductor. On average he is earning more than $50/hr LESS than the majorairline pilots his company competes with. His copilot, Sean, has been a major airline pilot for about one month. He is elated to be flying a big jet for $28,000/yr. As long as his parents continue to send those allowance
checks, this could be the best job ever!"
[Camera zooms on Captain Jimmy as he sees a company A320 pass by...Jimmy's vision blurs... he looks again and visualizes himself in the cockpit of his airline’s bigger aircraft.]
Jimmy: “Wow. Someday I will even get to fly transcons in our widebody.”
[Cut again to that crooked smile.]
Sally: "Except he probably never will. His discount airline has orders and options for a couple hundred A320’s, but with Jimmy’s seniority and the young age of the pilot group, his upgrade is far, far, away. If ever. No, Jimmy is in a dead-end job."
[Camera fades to Jimmy's Comair Academy enrollment photo. He's shaking hands with mascot "RJ." Fade to Jimmy today.]
Interior view of shiny-jet
(not shown: Blue Glovestm)
Sally: “Jimmy just got off the phone with a former EMB-190 new-hire classmate of his. His buddy quit a few years ago to work for Southwest or FedEx. His buddy now makes much more as a copilot than Jimmy earns as a Captain and with better benefits, work rules, schedule, and culture. Jimmy
wonders where he went wrong....”
[Camera fades in on Sally.]
Sally: "Do YOU know someone who is a victim of SJS? Watch for these warning signs!”
* Do you know a pilot who has calculated what his company stock options
could be worth in ten years if the stock price triples each year?
* Do you know a pilot who actually believes that AirTran or JetBlue are the
majors" they've wanted to work for for "their whole lives"? Or for that matter,
that Independence Air was ever a good idea or a real airline?
* Do you know a pilot who says, “I don’t really need real long-term disability
because my health is fine. Besides, we have JCCF. They’ll take care of my
family, right? Right?"
* Do you know a pilot who has said, "I know everybody thinks my pay is low,
but I’d much rather work here than at a legacy because we have a great culture. Can you hand me those gloves?”
* Do you know a pilot who folds into the fetal position and mumbles, “happy
place, happy place,” twice a month when his pay check is deposited?"
* Do you know any pilot who lies about the airline they work for, or the
aircraft they fly, while using their profession to attempt to pick up women in
a bar?
* Do you know a pilot who says, "I know they only match 3% in my 401K,
but thats OK because I’ll probably get social security and they can’t take that
away can they?”
Sally: "If the answer to any of those questions was "yes" your friend might have SJS. Watch for these warning signs. SJS is a violent and dangerous disease. It is important to stop it in its tracks. Together we can reach that goal. Here at the Jets R' Neat Institute we are researching cures for SJS. We've done a lot, but you can help. For just $366 per day
you can sponsor a pilot. For less than the cost of a good-quality, 102” plasma high definition television you can sponsor an aspiring airline pilot and
show them what life would be like if they actually made the money that major airline pilots used to make. This is the first step in ending SJS." Jimmy, and others just like him, needs your help. Please send your check, made out to “Bearer,” for $11,346.00 every month to:
The Jets R' Neat Institute c/o Occupant
Trailer #12
Happy Valley Trailer Park
Coraopolis, PA 15108
[2]
