relationships and aviation

E_Dawg

E_Dawg

Moderator
Honest question here, how many pilots on here have had a relationship get screwed by your crap schedule, never being home, and never seeing your sig. other? Of those who succeed, how do you think you have been successful? While jumpseating and more often than not, the conversation seems to turn to how the captain has to work past 60 to pay for his first two wives.
 
I've always been of the opinion that a job doesn't make or break a relationship, the PEOPLE in it (more specifically their attitudes) make or break it. Find someone who doesn't mind dealing with an airline schedule, and who's company you enjoy.
 
MQAAord said:
I've always been of the opinion that a job doesn't make or break a relationship, the PEOPLE in it (more specifically their attitudes) make or break it. Find someone who doesn't mind dealing with an airline schedule, and who's company you enjoy.
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I'm married and only 26 and that's my exact take.

Too many people blame the profession when they make more mistakes than they can possibly count. It really doesn't take much effort to keep your significant other happy. The only difference between that same set of people is they would probably still be together, just hate each other. It's easier to get divorced when you're gone all the time.

It's the people, not the job.
 
It's bed time for me, but real quick it has actually worked out great for us. My wife took on the moniker 'independent airline wife' from the beginning and has kept a great attitude and been very supportive while I've commuted to reserve all these years. We keep it fresh by using my travel bennies, weekend trips, etc. I'll write more later, but it can work. And I agree with Amber that it takes the right people to make it work. It isn't always easy per se, but can certainly be done.
 
Man, commuting to rsv and maintaining a relationship. Now that is baller right there. I do agree it's the people not the schedule. I'm 27 and thinking long term, I'm not particularly wanting to end up working 10 extra years to pay for the ex's.
 
Haven't had my relationship screwed, yet... But long distance, long work hours and being independent part-time is old hat for my wife and I.

We started long distance during college, then I went into the military, a year out of the service she went back to grad school... It was more normal being away than being around.

The key has been maturity and being semi self-sufficient. Sure, cars break or events happen when one or the other can't be there but we always figured it out and how to work with it and move on. It's not the end of world, figure it out instead of crying about it.

Good luck, I have a friend that is a senior captain at a major and he says "You can't be a Captain until you've been divorced at least once".
 
I've sacrificed two relationships to the aviation career volcano. Not proud of it. The first one, I moved out of state for an instructing job. The second relationship I had high hopes for; she was also a pilot, understood the schedule, and we got along great...until I lost my job and had to take a new one in the Caribbean.

The memories of the second relationship still bother me.
 
Just marry a flight attendant and bid the same schedule, you will both get paid to take mini vacations together.
 
I had a relationship with aviation itself, then aviation got in the way and ruined it.
 
I've been together with my wife 5 years tomorrow, and married for a few of those years.

As of January 1 through July 21st, I have been away from home 108 days out of a possible 202 days, averaging 7 weeks, 4 days away from home per assignment. Combining away from home and working while at home, I have worked 170 out of 202 days. The average M-F worker will have worked 140, so that's about an extra month of work, away from the little lady.

There are two reasons I can think of why we still are happy. Constant communication - is this working for us? Do I need to look for a different job? Are they paying me enough to be away from you for so long?

I think the second reason is having a support network. Do we both have people to keep us company while we are away from each other? Are there others to help us when normally we would support each other in that situation?

So I think it is up to the people in the relationship to keep the relationship moving forward in a positive manner.
 
Troy said:
Just marry a flight attendant and bid the same schedule, you will both get paid to take mini vacations together.
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God I cringed when I read that. Sometimes being away can save a relationship as well. I couldn't be around my significant other 24 hours a day.
 
Inverted25 said:
God I cringed when I read that. Sometimes being away can save a relationship as well. I couldn't be around my significant other 24 hours a day.
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I knew some pilot/FA couples that loved to fly together, and other pilot/FA couples that adamantly refused to fly together, ever! :)
 
Coming up on a third year of being married here, and we're both pilots... So I have to agree with the fact that its the people that make it or break it, but also with the fact that being away is good. Really makes you value the time together that much more. We just recently got on with the same company, so it makes it a little easier, but schedules won't mesh necessarily.. Yes, I do wish for more time together, but such is life, make the best of it, and untill you have better options, gotta roll with it.
 
I was married and divorced by 27. It wasn't only due the profession, though.
 
Mine was almost toasted by reserve, but it was my fault, not the jobs. I hate, abhor, cannot stand reserve. I was a miserable person 99.9% of the time and my wife had her fill, but we are great now.. ;)
 
Troy said:
Just marry a flight attendant and bid the same schedule, you will both get paid to take mini vacations together.
Click to expand...
Bleh, god no. I met my girlfriend at work and that was fun and all for the little bit we worked together, but I don't think I'd want to combine work with my relationship. Some things are best kept separate.
 
MQAAord said:
I've always been of the opinion that a job doesn't make or break a relationship, the PEOPLE in it (more specifically their attitudes) make or break it. Find someone who doesn't mind dealing with an airline schedule, and who's company you enjoy.
Click to expand...

Exactly!

In my 21st year with the same woman, 14 of those married. I'm not airline but I'm still flying. The LEAST I've been away from home in a year's time is 70 days, the most was 340. Last year was 173. I had only 23 days off all of last year!

If your relationship jams up over a job, it's not the job!
 
If your marriage fails, it's not going to be because of aviation. It'll read like an NTSB report.

Failure of marriage cause:
Peoples inability to work together

Contributing factors;
Aviation.


Aviation will only bring out true issues in a marriage, not the actual root cause of the problem.
 
MQAAord said:
I've always been of the opinion that a job doesn't make or break a relationship, the PEOPLE in it (more specifically their attitudes) make or break it. Find someone who doesn't mind dealing with an airline schedule, and who's company you enjoy.
Click to expand...

This.

And furthermore, while this job has always been a goal of mine and I'm not sure that I'd be any happier doing anything else, my relationship is a million times more important than this job will ever be to me. If it comes down to it, I'll walk away from this lifestyle without looking back. And she knows this. This job used to be the most important thing in my life. But since I met my wife, I've learned what is truly important (to me).
 
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