Pilots -- Things Controller's Say That Annoy You.

[beechpilot]

Transitioning North to South VFR/VMC along the west coast of FL at 5,500' 3 miles off the shore line, you get the hand-off to Tampa Approach:

"NXXXX, do you have the shore in sight off your left wing?"

Get that one all the time. How could I not have the darned thing in site? I've got to say "no" sometime.

Pilot: "No, I don't have the shore in sight."

Controller: "Ok, look at the big blue blob and you'll see it."

 

[Firebird2XC]

Well, military controllers are obliged by reg to verbally check gear down, so that's no surprise.

I know, but around that field everybody knew the flying club callsigns and usually dispensed with the inane comments like that.

I figured the controller was either new... or just really wound too tight.

As such, I was obligated to yank the controller's chain a little.

Remember that this was an Army airfield, too. Nobody ever asked the Blackhawks that one.

 

[fly6785]

Heres one I heard a few years ago in Boston holding short behind US Air... US Air Airbus I believe it was

Tower: US Air XXX cleared for takeoff 4L with a left turn to 330
US Air: Clear for takeoff 4L heading 330 US Air XXX
After departure...
Tower: US Air XXX confirm in the turn to 330?
US Air: Yeah... We were wondering how come the plane wasn't turning...
Tower: US Air XXX roger... Confirm there is a pilot on board?
Us Air: We are turning to 330.

I thought it was kinda funny...

 

[tsquare]

Having some fun at Kennedy huh? How about that dude who works in the afternoon at JFK ground who seems to be upset all the time!

"Southernjets 16 EVERYONE IS WAITING FOR YOU!!!"

I heard a GREAT one yesterday at JFK... I hope I can get this right...

" Freedom flt XXX, Just what kind of lunar astrological alignment process is going to have to occur to get you clear of my taxiway?" The pax in row 40 probably heard us laughing at that one...

 

[tsquare]

0100011000101101001100010011010101000101
Bender?

 

[derg]

He posts! Welcome to the dark side, skipper!

 

[Gonzo]

I hear that!

Last month, landing runway 28 in ORD, the Tower controller says to us on short final "let me know if you get Fox."

Uh, what? Busy as we were, the perplexing and vague comment confused the captain and I.

What the controller WANTED to know was if we made the turn off at Taxiway Foxtrot.... so he had spacing for an intersecting runway departure.

I'm all about helping out when I can, but that's just silly. Critical phases of flight always trump keeping somebody's non-essential "rhythm".

You DFW boys can't hack it in ORD.

 

[SpiraMirabilis]

"There is a ground stop in Denver."

 

[Towerboss]

It says F-15E

0100011000101101001100010011010101000101
Bender?

 

[mjg407]

I was asked "Check gear down" in a C-182 once. It was a club airplane based at the field, and had fixed gear.

What else could I say?

"Roger. Three down and welded."

I'm not positive, but I think it's a requirement of the controllers at Navy fields to confirm that the gear is down. Any Navy controllers out there?

 

[mjg407]

Foreign controllers -
1. They ignore you until you are almost on top of them (found this going into egypt from crete a lot)
2. They try and talk to you in their language.
3. Middle east - can these guys attempt to pull the mike a little away from their mouths?

 

[Towerboss]

Here it is from the controller rule book...

2-1-24. WHEELS DOWN CHECK ​

USA/USAF/USN ​

Remind aircraft to check wheels down on each approach unless the pilot has previously reported wheels down for that approach. ​

NOTE-
The intent is solely to remind the pilot to lower the wheels, not to place responsibility on the controller. ​

a. Tower shall issue the wheels down check at an appropriate place in the pattern. ​

PHRASEOLOGY-
CHECK WHEELS DOWN. ​

 

[beechpilot]

I'm not positive, but I think it's a requirement of the controllers at Navy fields to confirm that the gear is down. Any Navy controllers out there?

When we're talking to Brunswick (NHZ) approach I hear them tell the C-5's P3's, etc to confirm pre landing check is complete.

 

[mjg407]

Here it is from the controller rule book...

2-1-24. WHEELS DOWN CHECK

USA/USAF/USN


Remind aircraft to check wheels down on each approach unless the pilot has previously reported wheels down for that approach.


NOTE-

The intent is solely to remind the pilot to lower the wheels, not to place responsibility on the controller.

a. Tower shall issue the wheels down check at an appropriate place in the pattern.


PHRASEOLOGY-


CHECK WHEELS DOWN.​

Now I'm probably annoying to civilian controllers when I report "XXXX, left 180, three down and locked, cleared to land"

 

[Firebird2XC]

You DFW boys can't hack it in ORD.

Says you. I did my IOE there in minimum legal time and washed my hands of it.

It's not my fault nobody there speaka-da-English.

If I really can't hack it there, why do I spend so much time covering ORD trips?

Neener!

 

[tsquare]

He posts! Welcome to the dark side, skipper!

I think I have sufficiently pi$$ed off the entire Atlanta base on the DALPA site, so I think I'll lay low for awhile... don't worry tho, I'll be nice... no really :laff:

 

[derg]

Hey, I've done that for years man!

 

[meritflyer]

AEX Tower: Mesaba XXXX exit A3 ground point 7

Me: A3 over to ground Mesaba XXXX

Me: Ground Mesaba XXXX clear of 14 at A3

AEX Ground (same damn controller!): Taxi to the ramp

I always crack up when this happens, especially when it's late and I am the only plane on the ground/air.

 

[meritflyer]

Funniest thing I ever had was departing ABQ...

Me: ABQ tower, Jetlink XXXX, 21, ready to go..

Tower: Jetlink XXXX, flying heading 210, cleared for takeoff, caution wake turbulence, departing Pilatus.

 

[ArchieLeague]

While cruising at FL300....

"Acey 4321, traffic 2 o'clock and 20 miles, Citation jet at FL310."

Like I'm gonna see that!!

Lets figure a closure rate of 550 knots (not a high rate for most traffic at the altitude) that would be 1.89 minutes before your targets merge. In 79.63 seconds you will be within 6 miles of the traffic. While you may not see the traffic you should within about a minute.

Learn something new every day... Never figured calling traffic 20 miles out at that altitude would be a problem.