McCain picks VP!

Mad Doggy Dog

Well-Known Member
Sen McCain picks UAL's Joe Kolshack for VP


AP - Aug 23, 2008. 12:08pm
Scottsdale


In a morning news conference from the Mayo Clinic in Scottsdale, Senator John McCain has announced his choice for running mate in the upcoming presidential election. In a surprise move, McCain has gone out of the normal bounds of the political spectrum and has recruited from the private sector.

His nominee is Joe Kolshack, the Vice President of Flight Operations at United Airlines. Captain Kolshack, as he likes to be called, is an ex Marine, and is credited with coining the phrase "Semper Me." Senator McCain said, “Joe is brilliant brilliant man who can do anything. If you don't believe me, just ask him. He'll be glad to spend an hour telling you.”

This is the second time in recent history that a republican has chosen a vice president from the private sector. "He is a much better shot than Cheney." Said Senator McCain, at a press conference this morning. The senator further stated, "I respect him because he was able to use political influence to acquire flight status he didn't deserve, that is a talent I find near and dear to me."

"We both have the same attitude towards pilots," McCain said. The airline industry is vital to our economy and our country. Our present economy is based on low interest rates, inexpensive fuel, and cheap air transport. McCain reiterated the Republican position that it is the patriotic duty of all working class Americans, particularly pilots, to work more hours for less money in order to support our economy. Insiders familiar with McCain say Frank Lorenzo is his choice for Secretary of Transportation.
Captain Kolshack began his career in the Marine Corps branch of the military. He had a reputation in the Marine Corps as an officer who could always be counted on to be right behind his troops should he have ever had to face combat. He was also known to eat before all his troops did, an action he claimed was necessary to ensure the food was of good quality.

After his Marine Corps duty, Captain Kolshack was hired as pilot for Delta Air Lines where he amassed nearly 300 hours of flight time as pilot in command. While at Delta, Kolshack specialized in volunteering for special office projects or anything else that would get him out of flying. He is known to be particularly skilled in brown nosing his way to the top, according to his colleagues who feel he will fit in well in Washington. Most of Kolshack's flight time was in the simulator, where he would collect expensive type ratings for various aircraft he would rarely if ever fly. Captain Kolshack bravely volunteered to fly high profile flights, such as new route inaugurations and other public relations stunts, as he felt he was best suited to handle all the glory and attention. "He was top notch airline management material," recalls former Delta CEO, Leo Mullin. "He was definitely a great hatchet man."

When the new Delta CEO Richard Anderson took over, Kolshack coincidentally left Delta in order to spend more time with his family. After a few short days of spending more time with his family, Kolshack was hired as VP of Flight Operations by Midwest Airlines. Kolshack's tenure at Midwest was during the same time they were going through a severe pilot down sizing, a task he relished in. He left a few months later to again spend more time with his family. The next day, Kolshack was hired by United Airlines as their new VP of Flight Operations.

"If there is one thing I know, it's talent. We share the same level of competence." Said United CEO Glenn Tilton. I believe he will be as good for the USA as I have been for United Airlines.


News conference attendee Doug Taylor, a local resident, had this to say:
"Aaaarrrrghoooo?"
 

Derg

New Arizona, Il Duce/Warlord
Staff member
;) Next open mic night at the "Frankfurt Komödie Kiste" MDD, you're getting pushed up onstage!

Kolshak ever get off high mins?
 
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