Long Distance Relationship

[Velocipede]

LDRs CAN work, take it from an old Navy man. 8-11 month cruises. And training deployments. Of course, its nice if you can get "together" on a regular basis. What's the old saying? "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

Sometimes that's very true, especially if the relationship is between two people who are independent and confident in themselves both personally and professionally.

LDRs DO NOT work with clinging vines and shrinking violets.

Somehow, I don't think you'd be attracted to either of those types.

 

[scramjet]

I'm a similar situation. You can't be clingy and you have to accept the fact that you can't be in constant communication all of the time despite the linking technology that exists today. You also have to be willing to lay your feelings out there (but that's true in any relationship). Even now, it's still a little bit more ambiguous than I would like, but we're working on that.

It does take commitment and it also takes patience and understanding. I believe Mr. Doug Taylor once said something about moderating these forums that I think applies to LDR: "I can't even read my wife's mind in person, so how am I going to be able to read all you guys' minds over the Internet?" It's the same way with LDR, but even more involved than with moderating forums. Not only do you have to realize that you can't read the other person's mind or their feelings unless you clearly communicate, you also have to trust that person. Just because they haven't emailed/IMed/called you over the weekend doesn't mean they suddenly grew disillusioned and walked away. You have to understand that it if it's truly love, a bond is not going to be that weak and that trust and patience is an integral ingredient.

The Internet has been a tremendous linking tool, so much so that I believe it is the next step in the evolution of civilization. It is only logical that from this next step in the evolution of civilization, we should be able to form deep, meaningful relationships with our fellow human beings.

 

[Qgar]

Call me crazy, (why not, everyone else does!) but I prefer relationships with a bit of distance. In this career, especially, it's important to find a partner who can handle that and not be threatened by it.

 

[mpenguin1]

Call me crazy, (why not, everyone else does!) but I prefer relationships with a bit of distance. In this career, especially, it's important to find a partner who can handle that and not be threatened by it.

Well, they do say that the secret to a good relationship is separation

 

[Qgar]

Well, they do say that the secret to a good relationship is separation

AGREED---that and the apparent fact that no man can stand me for very long! anic:


**BTW -- Best of luck to you, Toria!**

 

[Velocipede]

AGREED---that and the apparent fact that no man can stand me for very long!

Somehow, I find this VERY hard to believe.

 

[mpenguin1]

Speculation and assumption. Gotta love it!

Well, speaking of speculations & assumptions, a really good long distance relationship is when the woman can not thread a needle anymore:nana2::laff:

 

[Toria]

LDRs DO NOT work with clinging vines and shrinking violets.

I have been described as many things but neither of those!

 

[mattc206]

Ditto here, just met someone who wants to do LDR, a flight attendant believe it or not :yeahthat: We do the text message/phone thing everyday, but can also let each other have our own time, and with me going to a different sked next year (2 on/off) that will be it just that more special when i do get back from 2 weeks on (on the other side of the country as well)

 

[skydog]

Being in the Family Life section seems odd, but the Lav didn't seem appropriate.



Is there any hope that a long distance relationship can work (at all) during the initial "get to know you a bit " phase of a relationship? I am talking about a continent away, not a few states.

Ask yourself "What is the goal of the relationship?"

As I see it, there are only a few answers to this question. 1) long term commitment (marriage and family), 2) non-committed companionship, 3) satisfaction of physical needs/desires

If your goal is 1), then I would say no it won't work, because at some point you need to be together on a regular basis. In an LDR you are only ever seeing each other "at your best" because of the natural desire to get the most out of your time together. How can you really get to know each other in this situation?

If the answer is 2) then the relationship is not fulfilling the basic goal. What's the point?

If the answer is 3), well, if that is you in your avatar, I can't imagine you have a lot of trouble meeting people in that regard. Pardon my frankness.

 

[Old Pete]

If the answer is 3), well, if that is you in your avatar,

Yes, that is her, and she is even more attractive and charming in person.

I can't imagine you have a lot of trouble meeting people in that regard. Pardon my frankness.

I can't imagine that either.

 

[matador]

Just got out of one of those that was primarily carried on via text messaging and cellphone calls and emails because we're both pilots.
There was discussion of us moving in together (I own my home) but
some things didn't quite add up though. The "airplane" that my significant other claimed to fly on a regular basis to build PIC time turned out to be a 3/4 scale model, and I learned via a mutual friend that I was "one of many".

 

[Velocipede]

Successful long distance relationships are marked by:

1. Constant communication
2. A desire by both parties to make it work.

 

[Blackhawk]

Successful long distance relationships are marked by:

1. Constant communication
2. A desire by both parties to make it work.

I agree. My wife and I dated for about a year; then, we spent 2 of the next 3 years apart. For six of those months I was in Africa, she was in Korea. This was before internet and email was widespread. Mail took 4 weeks. Each way. By the time she got a letter from me responding to a gripe she had, she could not even remember what she wrote.
I could only call her once a month while on R&R, but since mail took 4 weeks I could not give her a heads up I would be calling. Sometimes I would get her, sometimes I would not.
We also had the occasional HF phone patch... now there's intimacy. Everyone and their brother and sister listening to your problems... I actually got to listen as one guy at another site in the middle of the desert was told by his wife over a phone patch that the divorce papers were in the mail. Ouch.
We've been through geographic separations since. Me commuting to a different city. Getting deployed for over a year to the Sand Box (that was probably the toughest when I returned- we almost did not make it and a bunch of pilots and crew chiefs from my unit ended up divorced). Her with residency after medical school.
It takes commitment from both of you to not walk out the door... at least for good. Sometimes my wife would hop in her car and drive off to get rid of steam, but she always came back.
Seventeen years, and we've made it work.

 

[GlenA]

LDR's can work but I believe they have to eventually result in not being long distance anymore. My gf and I made it a year and a half living across the country, I was stationed in North Carolina and she was in San Diego for school. To be fair we did have a friendship of a few years to back us up so it is not like we were strangers when we started dating. we got to see each other every month and a half to 2 months during that time, except for a 6 month block where I was in Afghanistan. We had one rough patch while I was deployed but we worked through it. I think LDR's can definitely work if the commitment is there and the communication is there as was stated earlier. We are no longer long distance, but that was still a good chunk of time where we were not near each other. I honestly think it made for a stronger relationship.

 

[youngpilot85]

Wow. It's certainly heartening to know that there are some very successfull LDR's out there. My gf and I have been somewhat in one for the past two years. It's not too bad since we only live 30 mins apart right now, but I only get to see her once a week due to the fact that I work two jobs.

The hardest part is yet to come. I am from the Caribbean, and so will be making the move back very soon in order to get an airline job down there. She will be remaining up here in the U.S. to finish college, and so we do not know where we're going to settle down permanently. I do know for sure that I want to marry this girl.

I am already thinking about the little things like holding hands while walking through Wal Mart, and I start choking up (yes guys can choke up too ). I honestly don't know what I am going to do. She means everything to me. But as they say, I guess we can only take things one day at a time. Maybe I will be able to come back to the U.S. somehow and fly up here. Who knows. Just felt like sharing...