Misunderstanding Military Terms
One reason the Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don't speak the same language. For example, if you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the lights and lock the doors. Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter. Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat. The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.
The Show Off Pilots
An F-111 was flying escort with a B-52 and generally making a nuisance of himself by flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber. The message for the B-52 crew was, "Anything you can do, I can do better." Not to be outdone, the bomber pilot announced that he would rise to the challenge. The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level, however.
Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? What did you do?"
"We just shut down two engines."
Military Etiquette
Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: Sure, buddy.
Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
Rules for gunfighting...
USMC
1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2. Decide to be aggressive ENOUGH, quickly ENOUGH.
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.
5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a "4."
7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral and diagonal movement are preferred.)
9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating or reloading.
14. Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.
15. And above all ... don't drop your guard.
Navy SEAL
1. Look very cool in the latest sunglasses.
2. Kill every living thing within view.
3. Return quickly to looking very cool in latest beach wear.
4. Check hair in mirror.
US Army Rangers
1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 95 pound ruck while starving.
2. Locate individuals requiring killing.
3. Request permission via radio from "Higher" to perform killing.
4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.
5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 95 pound ruck while starving.
US Army
1. Select a new beret to wear.
2. Sew combat patch on right shoulder.
3. Reconsider the color of beret you decide to wear.
US Air Force
1. Have a cocktail.
2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.
3. See what's on HBO.
4. Determine "what is a gunfight."
5. Send the Army.
US Navy
1. Go to Sea.
2. Drink Coffee.
3. Launch airplanes and cruise missiles.
Military Quotes:
· "A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."-Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.
· "Aim towards the Enemy."-Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher
· "When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.-U.S. Marine Corps
· "Cluster bombing from B-52s are very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."-USAF Ammo Troop
· "If the enemy is in range, so are you."-Infantry Journal
· "It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."-U.S. Air Force Manual
· "Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons."-General Macarthur
· "Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."-Infantry Journal
· "You, you, and you ... Panic. The rest of you, come with me."-U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.
· "Tracers work both ways."-U.S. Army Ordnance
· "Five second fuses only last three seconds."-Infantry Journal
· "Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything."-U.S. Navy Swabbie
· "Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."-David Hackworth
· "If your attack is going too well, your walking into an ambush."-Infantry Journal
· "No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection."-Joe Gay
· "Any ship can be a minesweeper ... once."-Anonymous
· "Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."-Unknown Marine Recruit
· "Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."-Your Buddies
· "If you see a bomb technician running, follow him."-USAF Ammo Troop
· "Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ... I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing."-At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan
· "You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3."-Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)
· "The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."
· "Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky."-From an old carrier sailor
· "If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter and therefore, unsafe."
· "When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."
· "What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, .... the pilot dies."
· "Never trade luck for skill."
· "Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers."
· "Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight."
· "A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication."
· "Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!"
· "Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries."
· "Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it."
· "When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten."
· "Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day."
· Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: "When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slow and gently as possible."
· "The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you."-Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)
· "A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum."-Jon McBride, astronaut
· "If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible."-Bob Hoover (renowned aerobatic and test pilot)
· "Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you."
· "There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime."-Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970
· "If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."
· Basic Flying Rules: "Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there."
· "You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal."
· As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives, the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks "What happened?". The pilot's reply: "I don't know, I just got here myself!"-Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)
About Pilots:
· As an aviator in flight you can do anything you want... As long as it's right... And we'll let you know if it's right after you get down.
· You can't fly forever without getting killed.
· As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and one of them will.
a. One day you will walk out to the aircraft knowing that it is your last flight in an airplane..
b. One day you will walk out to the airplane not knowing that it is your last flight in an airplane..
· Any flight over water in a single engine airplane will absolutely guarantee abnormal engine noises and vibrations.
· There are Rules and there are Laws. The rules are made by men who think that they know better how to fly your airplane than you. The Laws (of Physics) were made by the Great One. You can, and sometimes should, suspend the Rules but you can never suspend the Laws.
· More about Rules:
a. The rules are a good place to hide if you don't have a better idea and the talent to execute it.
b. If you deviate from a rule, it must be a flawless performance. (e.g., If you fly under a bridge, don't hit the bridge.)
· The pilot is the highest form of life on earth.
· The ideal pilot is the perfect blend of discipline and aggressiveness.
· About check rides:
a. The only real objective of a check ride is to complete it and get the bastard out of your airplane.
b. It has never occurred to any flight examiner that the examinee couldn't care less what the examiner's opinion of his flying ability really is.
· The medical profession is the natural enemy of the aviation profession.
· The job of the Wing Commander is to worry incessantly that his career depends solely on the abilities of his aviators to fly their airplanes without mishap and that their only minuscule contribution to the effort is to bet their lives on it.
· Ever notice that the only experts who decree that the age of the pilot is over are people who have never flown anything? Also, in spite of the intensity of their feelings that the pilot's day is over I know of no such expert who has volunteered to be a passenger in a non-piloted aircraft.
· It is absolutely imperative that the pilot be unpredictable. Rebelliousness is very predictable. In the end, conforming almost all the time is the best way to be unpredictable.
· He who demands everything that his aircraft can give him is a pilot; he that demands one iota more is a fool.
· It is solely the pilot's responsibility to never let any other thing touch his aircraft.
· If you can learn how to fly as a Ensign and not forget how to fly by the time you're a Lieutenant Commander you will have lived a happy life.
· About night flying:
a. Remember that the airplane doesn't know that it's dark.
b. On a clear, moonless night, never fly between the tanker's lights.
c. There are certain aircraft sounds that can only be heard at night.
d. If you're going to night fly, it might as well be in the weather so you can double count your exposure to both hazards.
e. Night formation is really an endless series of near misses in equilibrium with each other.
f. You would have to pay a lot of money at a lot of amusement parks and perhaps add a few drugs, to get the same blend of psychedelic sensations as a single engine night weather flight.
· One of the most important skills that a pilot must develop is the skill to ignore those things that were designed by non-pilots to get the pilot's attention.
· At the end of the day, the controllers, ops supervisors, maintenance guys, weather guessers, and birds; they're all trying to kill you and your job is to not let them!
· The concept of "controlling" airspace with radar is just a form of FAA sarcasm directed at pilots to see if they're gullible enough to swallow it. Or to put it another way, when's the last time the FAA ever shot anyone down?
· Remember that the radio is only an electronic suggestion box for the pilot. Sometimes the only way to clear up a problem is to turn it off.
· It is a tacit, yet profound admission of the preeminence of flying in the hierarchy of the human spirit, that those who seek to control aviators via threats always threaten to take one's wings and not one's life.
· Remember when flying low and inverted that the rudder still works the same old way but hopefully your IP never taught you "pull stick back, plane go up".
· Mastering the prohibited maneuvers in the NATOPS Manual is one of the best forms of aviation life insurance you can get.
· A tactic done twice is a procedure. (Refer to unpredictability discussion above)
· The aircraft G-limits are only there in case there is another flight by that particular airplane. If subsequent flights do not appear likely, there are no G-limits.
· If a mother has the slightest suspicion that her infant might grow up to be a pilot, she had better teach him to put things back where he got them
· The ultimate responsibility of the pilot is to fulfill the dreams of the countless millions of earthbound ancestors who could only stare skyward ...and wish.
A Comparison of Pilot traditions between the Navy and the Air Force...
On a carrier, the Naval Aviator looks over at the Catapult Officer ("Shooter") who gives the run up engines signal by rotating his finger above his head. The pilot pushes the throttle forward, checks all gauges and gives the Cat officer a brisk salute, continuing the Navy tradition of asking permission to leave the ship. Cat officer drops to one knee while swooping his arm forward and pointing down deck, granting that permission.
We've all seen Air Force pilots look up just before taxi for takeoff and the ground crew waits until their thumb is sticking straight up. The crew chief then confirms that he sees the thumb, salutes and the Air Force pilot then takes off. This time tested tradition is the last link in the Air Force safety net to confirm that the pilot does not have both thumbs up his a$$.
Four retired guys are walking down a street in Norfolk. Then they turn a corner and see a sign that says "Old Timer's Bar " " ALL DRINKS -- 10 CENTS". They look at each other, then go in.
The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you, what'll it be, Gentlemen?"
There seems to be a fully stocked bar, so the men all ask for a martini. In short order, the bartender serves up 4 iced martinis -- and says, That'll be 10 cents each, please."
They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.
Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 more cents, please."
They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they can stand. They've each had two martinis and so far they've spent less than a dollar.
Finally one of the men couldn't stand it any longer and asks the bartender "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime a piece?"
"Here's my story. I'm a retired tailor from Brooklyn, and I always wanted to own a bar down by the water. Last year I hit the lottery for $25 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime whether it's wine, liquor, beer or whatever. They are all the same."
"Wow. That's quite a story" says one of the men.
The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn't help but notice three other people at the end of the bar who didn't have a drink in front of them, and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there.
One man gestures at the three at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender, "What's with them?"
The bartender says, "They're retired Navy , they're waiting for happy hour."
'canfly
One reason the Services have trouble operating jointly is that they don't speak the same language. For example, if you told Navy personnel to "secure a building," they would turn off the lights and lock the doors. Army personnel would occupy the building so no one could enter. Marines would assault the building, capture it, and defend it with suppressive fire and close combat. The Air Force, on the other hand, would take out a three-year lease with an option to buy.
The Show Off Pilots
An F-111 was flying escort with a B-52 and generally making a nuisance of himself by flying rolls around the lumbering old bomber. The message for the B-52 crew was, "Anything you can do, I can do better." Not to be outdone, the bomber pilot announced that he would rise to the challenge. The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level, however.
Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? What did you do?"
"We just shut down two engines."
Military Etiquette
Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: Sure, buddy.
Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
Rules for gunfighting...
USMC
1. Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one.
2. Decide to be aggressive ENOUGH, quickly ENOUGH.
3. Have a plan.
4. Have a back-up plan, because the first one probably won't work.
5. Be polite. Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet.
6. Do not attend a gunfight with a handgun whose caliber does not start with a "4."
7. Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice. Ammo is cheap. Life is expensive.
8. Move away from your attacker. Distance is your friend. (Lateral and diagonal movement are preferred.)
9. Use cover or concealment as much as possible.
10. Flank your adversary when possible. Protect yours.
11. Always cheat; always win. The only unfair fight is the one you lose.
12. In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics. They will only remember who lived.
13. If you are not shooting, you should be communicating or reloading.
14. Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty.
15. And above all ... don't drop your guard.
Navy SEAL
1. Look very cool in the latest sunglasses.
2. Kill every living thing within view.
3. Return quickly to looking very cool in latest beach wear.
4. Check hair in mirror.
US Army Rangers
1. Walk in 50 miles wearing 95 pound ruck while starving.
2. Locate individuals requiring killing.
3. Request permission via radio from "Higher" to perform killing.
4. Curse bitterly when mission is aborted.
5. Walk out 50 miles wearing a 95 pound ruck while starving.
US Army
1. Select a new beret to wear.
2. Sew combat patch on right shoulder.
3. Reconsider the color of beret you decide to wear.
US Air Force
1. Have a cocktail.
2. Adjust temperature on air-conditioner.
3. See what's on HBO.
4. Determine "what is a gunfight."
5. Send the Army.
US Navy
1. Go to Sea.
2. Drink Coffee.
3. Launch airplanes and cruise missiles.
Military Quotes:
· "A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit."-Army's magazine of preventive maintenance.
· "Aim towards the Enemy."-Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher
· "When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.-U.S. Marine Corps
· "Cluster bombing from B-52s are very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground."-USAF Ammo Troop
· "If the enemy is in range, so are you."-Infantry Journal
· "It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed."-U.S. Air Force Manual
· "Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword obviously never encountered automatic weapons."-General Macarthur
· "Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo."-Infantry Journal
· "You, you, and you ... Panic. The rest of you, come with me."-U.S. Marine Corp Gunnery Sgt.
· "Tracers work both ways."-U.S. Army Ordnance
· "Five second fuses only last three seconds."-Infantry Journal
· "Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything."-U.S. Navy Swabbie
· "Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid."-David Hackworth
· "If your attack is going too well, your walking into an ambush."-Infantry Journal
· "No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection."-Joe Gay
· "Any ship can be a minesweeper ... once."-Anonymous
· "Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do."-Unknown Marine Recruit
· "Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you."-Your Buddies
· "If you see a bomb technician running, follow him."-USAF Ammo Troop
· "Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ... I Shall Fear No Evil. For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing."-At the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan
· "You've never been lost until you've been lost at Mach 3."-Paul F. Crickmore (test pilot)
· "The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire."
· "Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky."-From an old carrier sailor
· "If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it's probably a helicopter and therefore, unsafe."
· "When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash."
· "What is the similarity between air traffic controllers and pilots? If a pilot screws up, the pilot dies; If ATC screws up, .... the pilot dies."
· "Never trade luck for skill."
· "Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers."
· "Airspeed, altitude and brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight."
· "A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is prevarication."
· "Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there!"
· "Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the purpose of storing dead batteries."
· "Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it."
· "When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something was forgotten."
· "Just remember, if you crash because of weather, your funeral will be held on a sunny day."
· Advice given to RAF pilots during WWII: "When a prang (crash) seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slow and gently as possible."
· "The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you."-Attributed to Max Stanley (Northrop test pilot)
· "A pilot who doesn't have any fear probably isn't flying his plane to its maximum."-Jon McBride, astronaut
· "If you're faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible."-Bob Hoover (renowned aerobatic and test pilot)
· "Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you."
· "There is no reason to fly through a thunderstorm in peacetime."-Sign over squadron ops desk at Davis-Monthan AFB, AZ, 1970
· "If something hasn't broken on your helicopter, it's about to."
· Basic Flying Rules: "Try to stay in the middle of the air. Do not go near the edges of it. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly there."
· "You know that your landing gear is up and locked when it takes full power to taxi to the terminal."
· As the test pilot climbs out of the experimental aircraft, having torn off the wings and tail in the crash landing, the crash truck arrives, the rescuer sees a bloodied pilot and asks "What happened?". The pilot's reply: "I don't know, I just got here myself!"-Attributed to Ray Crandell (Lockheed test pilot)
About Pilots:
· As an aviator in flight you can do anything you want... As long as it's right... And we'll let you know if it's right after you get down.
· You can't fly forever without getting killed.
· As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and one of them will.
a. One day you will walk out to the aircraft knowing that it is your last flight in an airplane..
b. One day you will walk out to the airplane not knowing that it is your last flight in an airplane..
· Any flight over water in a single engine airplane will absolutely guarantee abnormal engine noises and vibrations.
· There are Rules and there are Laws. The rules are made by men who think that they know better how to fly your airplane than you. The Laws (of Physics) were made by the Great One. You can, and sometimes should, suspend the Rules but you can never suspend the Laws.
· More about Rules:
a. The rules are a good place to hide if you don't have a better idea and the talent to execute it.
b. If you deviate from a rule, it must be a flawless performance. (e.g., If you fly under a bridge, don't hit the bridge.)
· The pilot is the highest form of life on earth.
· The ideal pilot is the perfect blend of discipline and aggressiveness.
· About check rides:
a. The only real objective of a check ride is to complete it and get the bastard out of your airplane.
b. It has never occurred to any flight examiner that the examinee couldn't care less what the examiner's opinion of his flying ability really is.
· The medical profession is the natural enemy of the aviation profession.
· The job of the Wing Commander is to worry incessantly that his career depends solely on the abilities of his aviators to fly their airplanes without mishap and that their only minuscule contribution to the effort is to bet their lives on it.
· Ever notice that the only experts who decree that the age of the pilot is over are people who have never flown anything? Also, in spite of the intensity of their feelings that the pilot's day is over I know of no such expert who has volunteered to be a passenger in a non-piloted aircraft.
· It is absolutely imperative that the pilot be unpredictable. Rebelliousness is very predictable. In the end, conforming almost all the time is the best way to be unpredictable.
· He who demands everything that his aircraft can give him is a pilot; he that demands one iota more is a fool.
· It is solely the pilot's responsibility to never let any other thing touch his aircraft.
· If you can learn how to fly as a Ensign and not forget how to fly by the time you're a Lieutenant Commander you will have lived a happy life.
· About night flying:
a. Remember that the airplane doesn't know that it's dark.
b. On a clear, moonless night, never fly between the tanker's lights.
c. There are certain aircraft sounds that can only be heard at night.
d. If you're going to night fly, it might as well be in the weather so you can double count your exposure to both hazards.
e. Night formation is really an endless series of near misses in equilibrium with each other.
f. You would have to pay a lot of money at a lot of amusement parks and perhaps add a few drugs, to get the same blend of psychedelic sensations as a single engine night weather flight.
· One of the most important skills that a pilot must develop is the skill to ignore those things that were designed by non-pilots to get the pilot's attention.
· At the end of the day, the controllers, ops supervisors, maintenance guys, weather guessers, and birds; they're all trying to kill you and your job is to not let them!
· The concept of "controlling" airspace with radar is just a form of FAA sarcasm directed at pilots to see if they're gullible enough to swallow it. Or to put it another way, when's the last time the FAA ever shot anyone down?
· Remember that the radio is only an electronic suggestion box for the pilot. Sometimes the only way to clear up a problem is to turn it off.
· It is a tacit, yet profound admission of the preeminence of flying in the hierarchy of the human spirit, that those who seek to control aviators via threats always threaten to take one's wings and not one's life.
· Remember when flying low and inverted that the rudder still works the same old way but hopefully your IP never taught you "pull stick back, plane go up".
· Mastering the prohibited maneuvers in the NATOPS Manual is one of the best forms of aviation life insurance you can get.
· A tactic done twice is a procedure. (Refer to unpredictability discussion above)
· The aircraft G-limits are only there in case there is another flight by that particular airplane. If subsequent flights do not appear likely, there are no G-limits.
· If a mother has the slightest suspicion that her infant might grow up to be a pilot, she had better teach him to put things back where he got them
· The ultimate responsibility of the pilot is to fulfill the dreams of the countless millions of earthbound ancestors who could only stare skyward ...and wish.
A Comparison of Pilot traditions between the Navy and the Air Force...
On a carrier, the Naval Aviator looks over at the Catapult Officer ("Shooter") who gives the run up engines signal by rotating his finger above his head. The pilot pushes the throttle forward, checks all gauges and gives the Cat officer a brisk salute, continuing the Navy tradition of asking permission to leave the ship. Cat officer drops to one knee while swooping his arm forward and pointing down deck, granting that permission.
We've all seen Air Force pilots look up just before taxi for takeoff and the ground crew waits until their thumb is sticking straight up. The crew chief then confirms that he sees the thumb, salutes and the Air Force pilot then takes off. This time tested tradition is the last link in the Air Force safety net to confirm that the pilot does not have both thumbs up his a$$.
Four retired guys are walking down a street in Norfolk. Then they turn a corner and see a sign that says "Old Timer's Bar " " ALL DRINKS -- 10 CENTS". They look at each other, then go in.
The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you, what'll it be, Gentlemen?"
There seems to be a fully stocked bar, so the men all ask for a martini. In short order, the bartender serves up 4 iced martinis -- and says, That'll be 10 cents each, please."
They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round.
Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 more cents, please."
They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they can stand. They've each had two martinis and so far they've spent less than a dollar.
Finally one of the men couldn't stand it any longer and asks the bartender "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime a piece?"
"Here's my story. I'm a retired tailor from Brooklyn, and I always wanted to own a bar down by the water. Last year I hit the lottery for $25 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime whether it's wine, liquor, beer or whatever. They are all the same."
"Wow. That's quite a story" says one of the men.
The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn't help but notice three other people at the end of the bar who didn't have a drink in front of them, and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there.
One man gestures at the three at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender, "What's with them?"
The bartender says, "They're retired Navy , they're waiting for happy hour."
'canfly
