Dream Job vs Dream Woman

Jimmy_Norton

Jimmy_Norton

Well-Known Member
Kind of an odd thread title, I know.

Here's the deal. I recently got offered what I would consider a dream job, flying a Challenger 300 for someone I did contract flying for long ago when they had a Citation Ultra. The family that owns the airplane is really great, they treat their pilots great, and are just all around nice people. I'll get my type rating, and I will probably be able to fly as a captain on the aircraft after not too long. Not a bad opportunity for someone with 2500 hours, and no "real" jet time, unless you consider a Citation a real jet....lol. They plan on doing a fair amount of international flying, and this is a very pro aviation family, I doubt they'd ever be without an airplane. The pay will almost double what I am making now.

BUT......

I've been dating a girl now for almost two years, and we are compatible on all levels. She is really great, is accepting of my being away working, all that stuff, but she can't/won't move. The can't part is that she bought a condo a year ago, and if she doesn't stay living there for two more years, she loses her first time tax buyers credit. The won't part is that she doesn't want to move away from her mom and family, and she doesn't want to live in Florida (Can't blame her on that one....).

I'm not 100% of what my schedule is going to be like at the new job, right now it would be two pilots, but they have said they want to add a third pilot. If thats the case, it would be easy for me to get back home once or twice a month. But talk is cheap, and if there are only two pilots, I may not be able to get hard days off every month. I did the long distance thing before, and its hard. We've talked this over a bit, and I think she'll be ok with me moving away as long we know when we're going to see each other next. A big plus is that I know the people that own the airplane understand the importance of family, and may be willing to accommodate

I know you guys can't make this decision for me, but I'd be curious to hear your thoughts and personal experiences.
 
Take the job if you can get it. If it's meant to be, you/she will make it work.

If it doesn't work, well there are probably more available women in the world than good jobs. Not saying good women, but, it's your call.

Good luck sir

By the way if she was really into you all that condo stuff wouldn't matter.

As a matter of fact, all THIS: "The can't part is that she bought a condo a year ago, and if she doesn't stay living there for two more years, she loses her first time tax buyers credit. The won't part is that she doesn't want to move away from her mom and family.."

Is bad news. Especially the last part.

Take the job.
 
Jimmy_Norton said:
. The won't part is that she doesn't want to move away from her mom and family,
Click to expand...

Not telling you how to live your life, but I'd be very leery about this part. I've been here and it's not a good place and ended badly.

That said, I now live about five minutes from my mother in law, but that was by my choice, and happened several years after being married, living far away, and having kids. Grandma makes an excellent babysitter!
 
Cptnchia said:
Not telling you how to live your life, but I'd be very leery about this part. I've been here and it's not a good place and ended badly.

That said, I now live about five minutes from my mother in law, but that was by my choice, and happened several years after being married, living far away, and having kids. Grandma makes an excellent babysitter!
Click to expand...

DING DING DING WE HAVE A WINNER!! that's exactly what I was trying to say.
 
Just putting my $.02 in here.

She seems to be telling you a lot of things that wont work with the situation, instead of ways you guys will make it work. I'd be hesitant of that. If the job means you'll be able to become financially secure and be able to build a life from it, I would expect her to be on board. It's okay to be vocal about the issues, but to just say the condo stuff sounds like a scape goat style response.

Is she really a dream woman if she doesn't want to you live out your goals and be successful? Would she do the same for you in return? Or would she tell you the situation and tell you to choose how YOU want to deal with it since she's doing her own thing?
 
Trev0079 said:
Who will give you more affection? The citation or the female?
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What gives you the ability to make ends meet and progress in your career?

If she ain't a sugarmomma, willing to take care of you, I'd say get a dog if you want affection.
 
Jimmy_Norton said:
Kind of an odd thread title, I know.

Here's the deal. I recently got offered what I would consider a dream job, flying a Challenger 300 for someone I did contract flying for long ago when they had a Citation Ultra. The family that owns the airplane is really great, they treat their pilots great, and are just all around nice people. I'll get my type rating, and I will probably be able to fly as a captain on the aircraft after not too long. Not a bad opportunity for someone with 2500 hours, and no "real" jet time, unless you consider a Citation a real jet....lol. They plan on doing a fair amount of international flying, and this is a very pro aviation family, I doubt they'd ever be without an airplane. The pay will almost double what I am making now.
Click to expand...

Sweet. DO IT.

BUT......
Click to expand...

No buts.

I've been dating a girl now for almost two years, and we are compatible on all levels. She is really great, is accepting of my being away working, all that stuff, but she can't/won't move. The can't part is that she bought a condo a year ago, and if she doesn't stay living there for two more years, she loses her first time tax buyers credit. The won't part is that she doesn't want to move away from her mom and family, and she doesn't want to live in Florida (Can't blame her on that one....).
Click to expand...

Too bad. If she loves you, she will recognize who she is involved with and move. It's not going to kill her to move.

Ok, the following is purely humor so do not take this personally or literally:

After you're married and have been flying beat up Navajos in her families hometown and on your honeymoon cruise, you learn that she's screwed a waiter (whoops, a bartender), you'll want to slap yourself for missing a great job opportunity and when you blame it on her, she's not going to care and call you an idiot for missing the chance.

Ask yourself: WWVJD? (What Would Velvet Jones Do?)
 
Trev0079 said:
Who will give you more affection? The citation or the female?
Click to expand...

Oh, you can rent both! Cheaper!

(Obviously, Kristie is taking a nap on the couch, otherwise I would have heard "DOUGLAS!!" at 80dB)
 
Everyone that has posted has touched on all of the important points. All I can do is add my own experiences.

My father had a job offer back in the '70's for a paper company out of Wisconsin. He received more or less the same treatment that you are getting (from my mother) so he decided to stay local and stay with the woman. His income was NEVER again 100% made from aviation. I am not saying this would happen to you if you stay, it is just a point that I am making. BTW, they divorced a few years later.

Two years may seem like a large investment with someone, and it is. However, should it not work out (which I hope it does) you WILL find another girl. Good women are hard to find, but in this economy, a good job is more difficult to find. As others have said, career progression, the chance to become financially stable, the chance to work with a family that already knows you and your skills.....Take the Job! Industry aside, opportunities like this do not come around very often, even in good economic times.

As for your girl moving or not moving, again, as others have said, if you meant that much and she was "the one", she would find away to make it work! DO NOT let her give you the "if you love me and care about us" guilt trip! When I was a fishing guide in Ontario, I was away from my fiance (girlfriend at the time) for 5 months at a crack, with out any one or two day visits. We got through it. She took a new job here in Phoenix, I made the sacrifice to move out here with her. Our next move will be either due to a job offer for me, or because I want to move. Relationships ebb and flow, each must sacrifice for the other, but basically telling you not to take a job because she won't move.....NO ES BUENO!

Me, I'd take the job and try to make it work. If the relationship doesn't last, it'll hurt, you'll be sad, you'll move on, you'll find another woman.....where you live! Aviation is you career, it is your income and you my friend have just found the golden egg, for now.

Good Luck
 
A lot of good points already made.

Just make sure you think about it from her side too...as her side might be a mirror image of your side.

What I mean by that is for those who are saying "if she doesn't want to move, she might not be the one for you"...she might be getting "if he wants to move he might not be the one for you" from her side.

I'm normally one who says stick with relationships above everything. If my wife asked me to quit this job, I'd be at the chief pilots office tomorrow with no regrets. In fact I've been thinking about it more and more lately on my own. But aviation is a tough industry, as I'm sure you know. If she's having a hard time at the ground floor, maybe the two might be incompatible. Then its up to YOU which is more important. Just make sure you're fair about it.
 
Jimmy_Norton said:
she doesn't want to move away from her mom and family
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IMHO, unless there is a necessary reason to live close to 'mom' (ergo, health or emotional problems, and needs the support), this is a BIG RED FLAG.

Family is extremely important, and I'm usually one to say that relationships are more important than career decisions....but both of you have to realize that your chosen avocation is going to require that you move.

Even if this isn't an issue NOW, guaranteed it will be eventually. Either she is going to have to move sometime or you're going to have to give up your career, because unfortuantely the things you've mentioned aren't compatible over the long term.
 
Even if you leave aviation, you still may have to move anyway.

Especially if you're in a small town, or somewhere like PHX or LAS where it's Wal Mart or nothing else.
 
A tough call but I was in a similar situation when I was dating my now wife just after college...I had been looking for a job for a year with no luck... I found a job 4 hours away on the other side of the state and took it. She wasn't happy at first but realized how important flying was to me. It ended up working out she moved out there with me after a few months and the rest is history as we got married a few years later.

Now that we are married with kids, I will not move for a job/base I will just commute. Of course having a good job, home, and kids means I can be very selective for next job.

Good Luck with your decision...
 
Jimmy_Norton said:
A big plus is that I know the people that own the airplane understand the importance of family, and may be willing to accommodate
Click to expand...

What family? You're talking about a girlfriend here, right? That's not family unless you're talking about getting married. And after two years you should be pretty sure about whether or not you want to marry her. If you don't want to, then why worry about it at all? Just take the job and be done with her. If you do, then be careful.
 
Two years ago my wife was offered a great career opportunity in Washington DC. We were living in Colorado and literally purchased our first home two weeks before she got the offer. She was very hesitant to take it because of the house and not wanting to strain our relationship since I would not be able to immediately move out there with her. I gave her my absolute and complete blessings to take the job since she was miserable in her current position and this new opportunity was everything she wanted. We would work everything out later.
Here we are two years having not lived together due to the lack of forestry positions in the “district”( I currently work as a forester). We are still as committed to one and other as we have ever been and she is extremely happy with her new position, which is fast tracking her to be massively successful in her profession.
A relationship is a choice and if you are committed to that choice anything is possible. My relationship philosophy has always been that being someone’s husband, wife, girlfriend, boyfriend etc. does not give you the right to dictate how the other shall live their lives, particularly with career moves. Let’s face it, you spend 90% of your life at your job and it would be prudent to make decisions that will give you a happy and rewarding career.
 
Take the job and see how it works out. If everything is ok then I'm sure you two will be together if it is meant to be. You were a pilot when you met her. Pilots often have to move to take another job. She knew what she was getting into when you started dating. It will all work out.

Joe
 
another vote for the job. if shes the one, your job and location shouldnt matter. i too would be leary of a woman who refuses to move away from her family. If it was the other way around ie, SHE got the job oppertunity and you were in her situation, would you move for her? If not, then I would definitely take the job!
 
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