\"Birth Story\" Freakin\' hi-larious! Kids will say anything.....
My aunt has me on her 'mailing list', and I get lots of stupid jokes n crap from her, and I never pass any of it along, but this story made me laugh so hard I woke Alex up from his nap.
The Middle Wife
by an anonymous 2nd grade teacher
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids of my own,
but this is the best birth story I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few
years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell, so I always have a few
sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and, usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of
fish they catch, and stuff like that. I never, ever place any boundaries or
limitations on them. If they want to lug it to school and talk about it, they're
welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright and outgoing kid, takes
her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under
her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby
brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday."
"Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love. Dad put a seed in my Mom's
stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella
cord."
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in
amazement. "Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying 'Oh, oh, oh!' Erica
puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the house for about
an hour saying 'Oh, oh, oh!'"
Now Erica's doing this hysterical duck walk, holding her back and groaning.
"My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a
sign on the car like the Domino's man."
"They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this." Then Erica lies down with her
back against the wall.
"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got
thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!"
Erica spread her legs and with her little hands mimed water flowing away. It
was too much!
"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push, and breathe, breathe.'" "They started counting, but never even got past ten." Then, all of a sudden, out
comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff they all said was from Mom's
play-center, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there."
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow, and returned to her seat. I'm
sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, I
bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along.
Life is meant to be lived and enjoyed! Laughing helps. It's like jogging on
the inside.
My aunt has me on her 'mailing list', and I get lots of stupid jokes n crap from her, and I never pass any of it along, but this story made me laugh so hard I woke Alex up from his nap.
The Middle Wife
by an anonymous 2nd grade teacher
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids of my own,
but this is the best birth story I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few
years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell, so I always have a few
sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and, usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of
fish they catch, and stuff like that. I never, ever place any boundaries or
limitations on them. If they want to lug it to school and talk about it, they're
welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright and outgoing kid, takes
her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under
her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby
brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday."
"Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love. Dad put a seed in my Mom's
stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella
cord."
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in
amazement. "Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying 'Oh, oh, oh!' Erica
puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the house for about
an hour saying 'Oh, oh, oh!'"
Now Erica's doing this hysterical duck walk, holding her back and groaning.
"My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a
sign on the car like the Domino's man."
"They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this." Then Erica lies down with her
back against the wall.
"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got
thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!"
Erica spread her legs and with her little hands mimed water flowing away. It
was too much!
"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push, and breathe, breathe.'" "They started counting, but never even got past ten." Then, all of a sudden, out
comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff they all said was from Mom's
play-center, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there."
Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow, and returned to her seat. I'm
sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, I
bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along.
Life is meant to be lived and enjoyed! Laughing helps. It's like jogging on
the inside.
