Another thing about having a pet


Well-Known Member
Dear Dogs and Cats:

The dishes on the floor with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate does not mean that is suddenly your food, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the top of the stairs is not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It IS NOT necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space that you are taking up, is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered.

Also, I have been using the bathroom for years – canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:
(1) They live here….you don’t.
(2) If you don’t want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That’s why they call it “fur”-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they’re animals. To me, they’re adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours & don’t speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

(1) eat less,
(2) don’t ask for money all the time,
(3) are easier to train,
(4) normally come when called,
(5) never ask to drive the car,
(6) don’t hang out with drug-using people;
(7) don’t smoke or drink,
(8) don’t want to wear your clothes,
(9) don’t have to buy the latest fashions,
(10) don’t need a gazillion dollars for college and
(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children…..


Staff member
Okay, #11 cracked me up!

And while I don't have a house full of animals, doesn't mean I'll complain when going to someone's house who DOES have a lot of animals. That's their house, not mine.

That being said, I don't own a dog, and a big reason for that is because I don't want to clean up dog crap from my yard. So, as a dog owner, DO NOT LEAVE YOUR DOG'S CRAP ON MY LAWN!!!! PICK IT UP!! If I see you let your dog crap on my lawn and walk away without picking it up, I WILL call you out on it (and I have!). If you ignore me, I'll pick it up, follow you home, and smear it all over your car, front door, back door, patio, and whatever else I can find to smear it on. Lazy pet owners who don't pick up their dog's crap really, really piss me off. Dogs gotta go when they gotta go, I get that, no problem, just be a responsible dog owner and pick it up. I wouldn't go to your house, take a big dump on your front lawn and walk away, so don't do that to other people's houses!


Well-Known Member
Totally agree with you about responsible pet ownership. One place I lived my neighbors on each side had dogs and I didn't. So if I saw poop on in my yard I just tossed it to the closest property line. I even have left it on their front step. Maybe should have waited until it was semi-dry and then set it on fire.


Staff member
I don't mean to come off as a dog-hater. I'm not. Dogs are great, and just because my life situation doesn't involve a dog right now doesn't mean I don't like dogs.. I just don't want other people's dog's poop on my lawn, as it's gross, smelly and creates more work for ME as then I'M the one who has to pick it up.