All Airlines Shutting Down

Mad Doggy Dog

Mad Doggy Dog

Well-Known Member
All Airlines Shutting Down

04-11-2008
[17:54 EDT] Roto Rueters




In a day sure to go down as the darkest in US airline history, all remaining US airlines with the exception of Southwest, have filed for bankruptcy and have ceased operations.

Citing high fuel prices, a tight capital market, excessive pilot salaries, and increased FAA scrutiny resulting from the Southwest scandal, leaders of the nation's airlines expressed their regret to those passengers who may be inconvenienced.

Government law makers said, "Ah ha, see, now you can't blame us for incompetently regulating this deregulated market. At least we promoted competition." Presidential hopeful John McCain said, "You know what the sad thing is? Many of these pilots were in the military and swore to defend our country's values. Now, they are selfishly putting their own welfare ahead of the country by refusing to fly for free."

Various CEOs of the nation's largest airlines said they just didn't have enough pricing power to raise fares another ten dollars, which would have prevented this problem, according to sources close to the situation. "If we all raised fares even a little, our bookings would have fallen to zero as every single passenger in the US would then fly on Southwest.....which makes up just over 10% of domestic capacity," said US Airways CEO Doug Parker, in a live interview from the Betty Ford Clinic.

Travelers are urged to contact their credit card companies for ticket refunds.
 
Mad Doggy Dog said:
All Airlines Shutting Down

Roto Rueters [14:54 EDT]
04-11-2008



In a day sure to go down as the darkest in US airline history, all remaining US airlines with the exception of Southwest, have filed for bankruptcy and have ceased operations.

Citing high fuel prices, a tight capital market, excessive pilot salaries, and increased FAA scrutiny resulting from the Southwest scandal, leaders of the nation's airlines expressed their regret to those passengers who may be inconvenienced.

Government law makers said, "Ah ha, see, now you can't blame us for incompetently regulating this deregulated market. At least we promoted competition." Presidential hopeful John McCain said, "You know what the sad thing is? Many of these pilots were in the military and swore to defend our country's values. Now, they are selfishly putting their own welfare ahead of the country by refusing to fly for free."

Various CEOs of the nation's largest airlines said they just didn't have enough pricing power to raise fares another ten dollars, which would have prevented this problem, according to sources close to the situation. "If we all raised fares even a little, our bookings would have fallen to zero as every single passenger in the US would then fly on Southwest.....which makes up just over 10% of domestic capacity," said US Airways CEO Doug Parker, in a live interview from the Betty Ford Clinic.

Travelers are urged to contact their credit card companies for ticket refunds.
Click to expand...
:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
 
Mad Doggy Dog said:
Various CEOs of the nation's largest airlines said they just didn't have enough pricing power to raise fares another ten dollars, which would have prevented this problem, according to sources close to the situation. "If we all raised fares even a little, our bookings would have fallen to zero as every single passenger in the US would then fly on Southwest.....which makes up just over 10% of domestic capacity," said US Airways CEO Doug Parker, in a live interview from the Betty Ford Clinic.
Click to expand...

Rivals match United's fare hike

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/24073868/
 
Mad Doggy Dog said:
All Airlines Shutting Down

04-11-2008
[17:54 EDT] Roto Rueters




In a day sure to go down as the darkest in US airline history, all remaining US airlines with the exception of Southwest, have filed for bankruptcy and have ceased operations.

Citing high fuel prices, a tight capital market, excessive pilot salaries, and increased FAA scrutiny resulting from the Southwest scandal, leaders of the nation's airlines expressed their regret to those passengers who may be inconvenienced.

Government law makers said, "Ah ha, see, now you can't blame us for incompetently regulating this deregulated market. At least we promoted competition." Presidential hopeful John McCain said, "You know what the sad thing is? Many of these pilots were in the military and swore to defend our country's values. Now, they are selfishly putting their own welfare ahead of the country by refusing to fly for free."

Various CEOs of the nation's largest airlines said they just didn't have enough pricing power to raise fares another ten dollars, which would have prevented this problem, according to sources close to the situation. "If we all raised fares even a little, our bookings would have fallen to zero as every single passenger in the US would then fly on Southwest.....which makes up just over 10% of domestic capacity," said US Airways CEO Doug Parker, in a live interview from the Betty Ford Clinic.

Travelers are urged to contact their credit card companies for ticket refunds.
Click to expand...

Hahaha! Nicely done.
 
Mad Doggy Dog said:
All Airlines Shutting Down

04-11-2008
[17:54 EDT] Roto Rueters




In a day sure to go down as the darkest in US airline history, all remaining US airlines with the exception of Southwest, have filed for bankruptcy and have ceased operations.

Citing high fuel prices, a tight capital market, excessive pilot salaries, and increased FAA scrutiny resulting from the Southwest scandal, leaders of the nation's airlines expressed their regret to those passengers who may be inconvenienced.

Government law makers said, "Ah ha, see, now you can't blame us for incompetently regulating this deregulated market. At least we promoted competition." Presidential hopeful John McCain said, "You know what the sad thing is? Many of these pilots were in the military and swore to defend our country's values. Now, they are selfishly putting their own welfare ahead of the country by refusing to fly for free."

Various CEOs of the nation's largest airlines said they just didn't have enough pricing power to raise fares another ten dollars, which would have prevented this problem, according to sources close to the situation. "If we all raised fares even a little, our bookings would have fallen to zero as every single passenger in the US would then fly on Southwest.....which makes up just over 10% of domestic capacity," said US Airways CEO Doug Parker, in a live interview from the Betty Ford Clinic.

Travelers are urged to contact their credit card companies for ticket refunds.
Click to expand...


You left off the last part...

On news of decreased losses resulting from ceasing operations, all airline CEO/COO's received large bonuses.
Click to expand...
;)
 
Mad Doggy Dog said:
All Airlines Shutting Down

04-11-2008
[17:54 EDT] Roto Rueters




In a day sure to go down as the darkest in US airline history, all remaining US airlines with the exception of Southwest, have filed for bankruptcy and have ceased operations.

Citing high fuel prices, a tight capital market, excessive pilot salaries, and increased FAA scrutiny resulting from the Southwest scandal, leaders of the nation's airlines expressed their regret to those passengers who may be inconvenienced.

Government law makers said, "Ah ha, see, now you can't blame us for incompetently regulating this deregulated market. At least we promoted competition." Presidential hopeful John McCain said, "You know what the sad thing is? Many of these pilots were in the military and swore to defend our country's values. Now, they are selfishly putting their own welfare ahead of the country by refusing to fly for free."

Various CEOs of the nation's largest airlines said they just didn't have enough pricing power to raise fares another ten dollars, which would have prevented this problem, according to sources close to the situation. "If we all raised fares even a little, our bookings would have fallen to zero as every single passenger in the US would then fly on Southwest.....which makes up just over 10% of domestic capacity," said US Airways CEO Doug Parker, in a live interview from the Betty Ford Clinic.

Travelers are urged to contact their credit card companies for ticket refunds.
Click to expand...

Hillary Clinton: "It's okay, I will still be able to fly my G5 into sniper fire."

Barack Obama: "I wasn't in Church when my pastor said this was an effort by rich white men to keep black people from traveling out of the ghettos and that most planes are white for a reason."
 
You know with all this security worries I'm not surprised. I remember when they were just going to flat out ban baggage of any kind on aircraft. Its just risky these days. Later they were going to ban passengers on any commercial flight. Safety is our top priorty and we can't risk having passengers on flights in case of another attack. So may as well shut down the airlines. :sarcasm:

Heard that one from the Onion awhile back...
 
You forgot to read the second page of the article.........

Due to increased security measures, TSA is now banning passengers from boarding airline flights. Jack Mehaufer, Operations Manager, responded to the news by saying, "We regret any inconvinience this may have on airline travel, and hope that in time, the situation will return to normal."
 
cfii2007 said:
You forgot to read the second page of the article.........

Due to increased security measures, TSA is now banning passengers from boarding airline flights. Jack Mehaufer, Operations Manager, responded to the news by saying, "We regret any inconvinience this may have on airline travel, and hope that in time, the situation will return to normal."
Click to expand...

"We expect to see higher than normal profit margins this year due to increased government funding."
 
"Although we have banned passengers onboard commercial airliners, we are now allowing more than 3 ounces of liquids."
 
SteveC said:
"We expect to see higher than normal profit margins this year due to increased government funding."
Click to expand...

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:


...and in other news:

Today, TSA Chief Michael A. Hunter spoke out on the shutdown of the passenger airlines.

"The TSA is a highly profitable venture. We provide excellent pay, benefits and retirement. If an organization as large as the TSA can provide this for our employees, I surely can't see how the airlines could fail." He continued discussing the parallel industries, "The TSA only has 6 years of experience under our belt. We convinced the American people that the previous system was broken, so we hired the exact same employees from the private companies we shuttered. Now, even though we have a similar percent failure of testing by the FAA, we gave our hard working employees the raises and benefits they so richly deserve." "We can only hope the shuttering of the airlines will allow all the former employees to come back to the industry at higher wage and benefit rates that we were allowed at the TSA. Except Power-tripping (tm). That's a TSA-trademarked intellectual property."
 
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