I'm writing to saying goodbye...

Maximilian_Jenius

Maximilian_Jenius

Super User
"Hi, it's Wolfman...................................... yeah, Maximilian_Jenius just quit!"

So, I've been sitting on this for a long time, unsure exactly how to put my thoughts on the issue to words. But recently people have been hitting me up via text asking me how my training is going. So, I guess that its time to finally talk about it.

My answer to the question, is that it's not... going. It hasn't been for quite along time. I've thought about this for a very long time and yeah... I just can't do it anymore. I have zero interest in finishing my flight training (CFI, CFII), or wanting to be an airline pilot. I just can't do it anymore. I don't want to do it anymore. I just can't see myself inside of a GA plane, if not in the short term, definitely the long term. I've never shared this before but after everyone was forced to go home early from my flight school in SLC, due to their temporary closure due to COVID, in 05/2020. I had a pretty serious bout of depression. Like sleeping all day, lack of motivation, just blank staring out into the world. I was just so bummed, so numb. Yet another aviation disappointment amongst many. I started this journey in June 2001 and it's literally been one disappointment after another. 9/11, 2008 recession and then COVID. I went to SLC saying that this was my last chance to make it happen this time, due to mandatory retirement. I could have had a twenty year career, had things worked out. But they didn't. It's always been like this for me when it comes to aviation.

Timing and luck is everything in both life and aviation. My roommate at "Pilot House" graduated the program five months before me. He got a survey job. Then was flying Lear jets. Now he's at Delta. I mention this only as an example about timing and luck and to point out how much mine sucks. He was in the program before me, so he graduated earlier. I interviewed at a survey outfit in April 2020, in SLC got hired, then they rescinded their offer to the entire class due to COVID. When I got home I was putting in apps every day, to low time jobs. Got ghosted by most, and probably got about five TBNT emails. It was a crippling disapointment. Picked myself up (somewhat) and got my AMEL, hoping that that would get me noticed. Put in more apps, nothing. I probably put in a total of a thousand apps., maybe more. I was a freaking professional app completer. @thepedroid told me to apply to Frontier's cadet program. I did, but I didn't hear back for months. When I did hear from them, they were writing to say that I didn't get it and that it was now only for Purdue and Embry Riddle students. Likewise I put in apps for Envoy, PSA's and Horizon's cadet program. I got those TBNT emails a lot faster. Princess Amidala lost the will to live, I lost my interest in aviation. I have no passion for it any longer. None! Again, the thought of wanting to be in a GA plane, is a hard f-king no.

I'll be fifty years old next year. I just don't realistically see an ROI, in this career at my age, as a career changer. I appreciate all the calls, text from everyone here during my years of depression, asking me where I was with my CFI training. I didn't know it then, but yeah, I was done. I am done. I won't be changing my mind on the issue. This hasn't been an easy choice, its all I ever wanted to do, or so I thought, but its the most realistic decision in my circumstance. Writing this has been hard, as I've been putting it off for ten months, or more, because I knew that writing out and not just thinking it, meant that it was really over. Accepting it was painful, emotional and bitter. But I pushed through it and finally found acceptance on the other side. On this side of my decision I'm free and much happier and I feel like an incredible weight has been lifted off of my chest.

So, what's next for me? Last month I applied to ASU, NAU, GCU and Walden to double major in Social Work and Criminal Justice, for the 2026/2027 fall school year. I ultimately want to be a licensed clinical Social Worker (LCSW) and do psychotherapy. The plan ultimately, years down the road is to open my own successful practice. So @knot4u won't be able to question me anymore, when I have two Masters degrees, saying that just because my parents were psychologist, that it doesn't translate to me. :p I'm still waiting for a yes or a no, but I'm excited at the thought of my next step. I'll never be rich as a Social Worker and be able to argue on the net about petty, fickle things like making $18k a month. 😏 But I'll be happy. I'll be fulfilled. Which is very important to me. Because I just haven't been for a very long time at least concerning career prospectwise since 2020. All thanks to @derg for first being a dear friend to me that he is, and making this site and also wanting to see me at United... er... Delta. I low key feel like I'm letting you down, by going another route. But I just gotta do me, ultimately I know that you'll understand and that you'll support me.

@Kingairer in another thread said that there's more to life, than aviation. Guess that I'll find out, if that's true or not.
 
Maximilian_Jenius said:
"Hi, it's Wolfman...................................... yeah, Maximilian_Jenius just quit!"
Click to expand...

No matter how we met or the context we know each other from, I am and will continue to be your friend. I'm excited for your next chapter, and a little envious of the opportunity to dive into a field of study.

I have the utmost respect for how hard you tried to get over to aviation, and knowing some of the stuff you were dealing with. You're a good dude, a good partner, and while I'm sad I never got to fly with you, I support your decisions.

Just remember: They can't ever take it away. You are a pilot, and you always will be. You're more of a pilot, in my eyes, than a lot of the folks who have breezed through to the airlines with a silver spoon.

But you're always part of the club, whether you want to be or not. ^_^

Qapla'
 
Congratulations.

Very tough decision, but from where I'm sitting it looks like you've got your head on straight.

I'm bummed for you as I know that that was a huge dream of yours, but hearing you say; "...But I'll be happy. I'll be fulfilled."...tells me that you understand how to continue living a good life even when the cards don't fall your way.

Proud of you bro. Got your back if you need anything.
 
Absolutely nothing wrong with putting your own happiness first instead of slogging through out of a sense of obligation for something you aren't in love with anymore. Life is too short to do that.

@Kingairer in another thread said that there's more to life, than aviation. Guess that I'll find out, if that's true or not.
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100%

Re: the thread title, I hope you stick around this place at least.
 
It’s a natural instinct for me to want to steer you towards flying but I know we talked about this a few months ago. I’m sad but happy at the same time that you’re doing something that makes you happy. Sounds cliche but that’s what matters the most when it’s all said and done.

Hopefully you’ll hang around here, and you know where to find me down by the Lukeville border 😁
 
JordanD said:
Absolutely nothing wrong with putting your own happiness first instead of slogging through out of a sense of obligation for something you aren't in love with anymore. Life is too short to do that.


100%

Re: the thread title, I hope you stick around this place at least.
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You nailed it 100%.

After all of the repeated setbacks, it became about continuing to want prove to myself first and foremost that I could do this, at the cost of my mental. Also not wanting to disappoint others who believed in me and were pulling for me. I didn't want to disappoint myself, or them. Even when I was internally screaming that I was tired, so • tired of always getting my aviation hopes up each and every time. Only to be disappointed each and every time through no fault of my own, when they crashed and burned. I had to realize that it wasn't if, but when the next aviation disappoint was going to come around the corner. I couldn't do it again. I couldn't deal with that crushing levels of disappointment any longer. I wasn't listening to my mental health and it took a serious toll on me mentally. So, I finally started listening.

Sometimes you gotta call a go around, go missed on an approach. Or divert. But my pride wasn't letting me see that and I still continued the approach below minimums. In high school I took one of those test that tells you what career that you'd be good at. I scored a high percentage on having emotional intelligence and empathy. It was suggested that I look into psychology as a career. It just comes as natural to me as breathing. I can just see it. My mom always told me growing up that I was always all of my friends counselor. But it wasn't what I wanted to do I wanted to be a pilot and I ignored it. But I think the universe was always telling me, that a career working with people was my future, with all the repeated aviation setbacks. But again, I still kept pushing in the opposite direction. Hell I've been talking psychotherapy aspects in many of my post here, since day one.

I don't have too many regrets. I accomplished a partial goal of mine. I completed primary flight school. Got all of my ratings/certs except my instructor ratings. I proved to myself that I could do it. When teachers in my past said that I couldn't be a pilot. That I wasn't smart enough. I'm a pretty good stick. I went up with @thepedroid after not having flown for a year and did a power off 180, and landed on the numbers and also flew the KDVT RNAV 07R on profile. I'll always have that memory. If I ever decide to get back in a plane, this time just for fun, I have a feeling that it will all come back rather quickly.

As for the site. The title of this thread was metaphorically about saying goodbye to an old, beloved friend, and being okay with being able to say goodbye and surviving the decision. My participation in the site lately has declined a bit honestly. Again, I'm taking care of myself. My often adversarial interactions with a certain individual, were to me in hindsight glaring signs, that maybe I was holding on too tightly. Which heavily resulted in my decision to block that person. I really think that, that my interactions with that person was an unhealthy distraction from actually taking care of my mental health and avoiding coming to the necessary conclusion/conversation with myself. I mean having said that though everything that I've ever said about him turned out to be right... but I digress. This place is home to me, it has been for so long. It still will be even if I'm not pursuing aviation as a career. But I'll say that outside of the toxic lav, (I'm trying to be less toxic) I'm not sure that I still bring anything relevant to the site. Time will tell though.
 
Last time we talked I could kinda tell you weren’t in it anymore, I get it man you’ve had to deal with a lot trying to make it happen and it just hasn’t.

Regardless we all got your back, and you have all the support you could ever need in whatever you decide to pursue. 🫂
 
Hey Man. Bravo for taking care of yourself the way you take care of others. Just because you're passionate about something doesn't mean you have to continue it. I'll never forget that day in the pattern with you. You nailed it and it was awesome to watch. If you ever want to burn holes in the sky I'm always down.
 
I would wish you good luck, but I don’t think you need it. Glad you have a solid plan and tbh, legitimate help to those that need it sounds more fulfilling then flying people from A to B. In life, the most valuable move is the pivot. Thank you for sharing, we may have lost a great future pilot but the world still has you in it and hopefully in a better mindset to go get after it. Be well and stick around JC, you can still be of help to those around here whether you know it or not
 
Maximilian_Jenius said:
I went to SLC saying that this was my last chance to make it happen this time, due to mandatory retirement. I could have had a twenty year career, had things worked out. But they didn't.
Click to expand...

There's stuff we control, and stuff we don't. The best any of us can do is give it a shot. So, please, try not to have too many regrets. The real shame would be in having not tried in the first place. Deciding that the juice ain't worth the squeeze is a different thing though, no?
 
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