Why Choose Aviation? (From a Pilot's "GF")

I

Izzy10

New Member
I posted this thread over at jetgirls.net, and someone suggested I ask over here. So I registered. :) Here's my post:

My pilot and I are not currently "together". It's an odd, confusing situation - and I'm not really sure what's going on. He broke up with me in December, but we were still living together until the end of March - and there are still times - many times - when we act very coupley with one another. He moved his things to his parents' house in another state (where he says he will purchase a house and begin living soon), but he is based in my state - so he continues to come here and my place is his "crash pad". I suppose you could say we're trying to work things out - but I honestly don't know. It feels like I have very little control over anything.

Amidst all of this, he has said that his one main concern is that I won't be able to handle being with a pilot. That I'm not independent and self-sufficient enough to handle his absences and that I'll miss him too much.

But here's the one thing I have a hard time understanding - in this day and age, why would anyone in their right mind choose to be a pilot anyway? He hasn't been able to explain it to me, so I'm hoping some of you can. This is how I see being a pilot:

You work your butt off and in the end you get:

To fly all over the country but only glimpse the cities you're in

To stay in hotel rooms for the majority of each month where you don't have your things and there are very few comforts

To not spend time with your girlfriend/wife or family

If you have kids, you don't get to see them as much as you'd probably like

Little time with your hobbies or interests (other than flying)

The prestige of being a pilot is no longer there - with unions and airline troubles, people just don't look upon aviation with the same awe they used to. The pay is only exceptionally good when you reach captain status, which takes years.

I mean, even if it's the rush of flying - of taking off and landing - wouldn't that go away too with repetition? At some point, doesn't even that lose its appeal?

So why? Why do it? Why choose a more lonely life when you could do something else?

Maybe if I understood that - I'd understand everything.

-Izzy
 
What do you do for a living? Do you like it? Would you do something else if you could? What would that be?

For pilots, flying is a passion and something that is more than a "job". For better or worse it's a part of them, whether they fly for a living or not.

Once you get farther along in the pilot career, it's really not so bad. My dh spends a lot of time at home, though his schedule and pay were not that way in the beginning of his career. When he's home, he's HOME, not spending 12 hours a day at the office 6 days a week like some of my friends' husbands. (Plus spending even more time working at home!)
 
I work in a library and am about to begin pursuing my Master's of Library and Information Science degree in the fall. I like it all right. I would be a writer, if I could. But the thing about me is that I'm not out to let my career define my happiness. I think there's more to life than that - and loving other people and being loved by other people is what matters and what will count in the end. When I die, people aren't going to care how many books I checked out or how many reference questions I answered. Heck, I'm not gonna care. What's going to matter to me are the relationships I fostered, the people whose lives I touched, and the fact that I had people around me who loved me. I guess that's why I don't understand aviation - to me, it feels like pilots choose flying over relationships. Sure, they can have relationships, but I don't think anyone will argue that the career makes things infinitely more difficult.

And I have heard that it's not so bad as things go along - but at the same time, when pilots are home, they're often home during the week - and that's when I (and most other people) are at work and when kids are at school. So how meaningful will the time really be?

I'm not trying to be negative - I'm just trying to voice my concerns so I can understand. Because, right now, I just don't. :(
 
I don't know that "career" and "passion" are interchangeable. From what Amber said, it sounds like many pilots have a passion for flying, rather than just an affinity for it, so not flying could mean not doing something that brings great satisfaction and joy.

The people in your life are essential and number one, but doing what makes you happy is often an equal number one. You have one life to live, and that life is yours - not satisfying your own needs, desires, passions, etc. could feel like you're shortchanging yourself.

When it's possible, or doable, there's also having a job/career and fulfilling a passion on the side, but that's not always feasible.
 
jet-dreams said:
Izzy,
For a pilot flying is in the blood and once we have tasted it nothing else will do.
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Devil's advocate: is that always true, though? Can't many pilots also love flying, but do something else for a living and fly in the free time? (this is assuming not all pilots, with flying in the blood, MUST fly for a living. Isn't it possible that for some it's one way, and for some it's the other?)
 
jet-dreams, I don't know if I'm clueless or what, but I always wish someone would explain that to me more. I just don't understand it. I always hear that it's in their blood and they just can't do anything else - but what is it specifically about flying that would make someone so willing to sacrifice so much to do it? The only thing I can think of with that kind of power is love. Is there any way you (or anyone else) can explain what it is about flying that creates that for you?
 
Izzy10 said:
I always hear that it's in their blood and they just can't do anything else - but what is it specifically about flying that would make someone so willing to sacrifice so much to do it?
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Izzy10 said:
I would be a writer, if I could.
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I'm a pilot and my wife is a writer. I'd be really interested in why you would like to be a writer. What sacrifices would you be willing to make, and why? You tell me yours, and I'll tell you mine.
 
I would like to be a writer for a few reasons: (1) I think I'm fairly good at it; (2) I've written some things, which people have read, and I enjoy knowing that I've connected with people or made them feel something or remember something. I like being able to stir emotions in people that they'd forgotten or help them think about things in a new or different way; (3) I enjoy the sense of satisfaction of reading over a finished product. Granted, I'm endlessly self-critical, so I'm never completely happy, but there's a pride that comes with creating something like that.

As far as sacrifices - honestly, unfortunately for this conversation, the nature of writing doesn't require a lot of sacrifice. I suppose if I'm in the middle of a really good writing session, I would sacrifice spending time with my family or significant other. But the thing about that is that I know I could still cuddle in bed with him at the end of the day. If I were to become a famous author, would I sacrifice relationships to travel and promote the book? Probably not. I'd be one of those cool, reclusive writers who no one ever sees. ;)

But maybe I'm just not passionate enough about writing to consider sacrificing more.

And you did make a good point - I had a hard time quantifying why I want to write - just like I'm sure pilots have a hard time quantifying why they want to fly. It's hard to put into words, I suppose, but at the same time, it's extremely hard for us outsiders to understand.
 
Izzy10 said:
what is it specifically about flying that would make someone so willing to sacrifice so much to do it? The only thing I can think of with that kind of power is love. Is there any way you (or anyone else) can explain what it is about flying that creates that for you?
Click to expand...

What is it about football that makes so many people strive for it? What is it about law that makes people go through the extra training, initial low pay, the clients lying to you?

I'm not going to try to explain why a pilot must fly, because I can't explain that any better than I can explain why someone would get a masters in Library and Information Science. I had no clue such a degree existed, and I don't know why you'd make the sacrifices to go through school for that degree. My lack of understanding about why you would pursue your degree is similar to you not understanding pilots. What you see as great sacrifices are not so great for someone who loves what the sacrifice leads to. The sacrifices you listed are not unique to aviation. Look at someone in law, medicine, sales, or entrepreneurs. They all have similar trials.

Hopefully this is helpful.
 
Izzy10 said:
jet-dreams, I don't know if I'm clueless or what, but I always wish someone would explain that to me more. I just don't understand it. I always hear that it's in their blood and they just can't do anything else - but what is it specifically about flying that would make someone so willing to sacrifice so much to do it? The only thing I can think of with that kind of power is love. Is there any way you (or anyone else) can explain what it is about flying that creates that for you?
Click to expand...

I'll try my best to give you my opinion on this.... First and foremost, we're not all trying to kill our relationships by doing this. I'm young and recently married and my wife is my BEST friend in the whole world. I love her more than anything. HOWEVER, she has come to understand that nothing else makes me happy. It isn't the case for everyone though.

Just like some people enjoy things to certain degrees, it is the same with aviation. Athletes for example. I love to golf. But I don't love it enough to train 10 hours a day, seven days a week and make a career out of it. Some people like it, and they do it. Not all will make it though, and so they keep it a hobby. Aviation, I think, is much the same. Some like it enough to fly a Cessna bugsmasher on the weekends, and others, like many of us here, wouldn't want to do anything else.

I personally have done a lot of things. Lifeguard, retail management, Disney boat driver, military. I was bored of those things quickly because I always had one personal career goal, to fly. Once it's what you want to do, it is very difficult to do anything else. Look through the posts on here. there are a TON of disgruntled pilots. All thy do in ever statement is complain. Yet, ask what they currently do.... 98% still fly. A few because they feel they can't take the financial burden of a change, but most, it's because as much as they hate the life of an airline pilot, flying is all they know and all they care to know.

I do it with the hope that, as MQAAord said, someday, I'll hold 19-20 days off with out and backs and a 6-digit income, even if it is at a major or national airline. Or, if a good corportate gig comes, I'll take the cut in my paycheck dreams for QOL with my wife and child. But, I feel for me anyway, it would need to be in aviation, my wife understands the passion I have and while she may not agree, she goes along and looks forward to the days I have off when we travel, go out, and spend ALL day with each other, and when I upgrade, she won't have to work. We may not have a ton of money, but we have enough to live and we have each other.

It's about sacrifices and for some, the ends justify the means because we make it work. It's up to you and him though. If he doesn't want it to work, it won't. But if you both try, and want it enough, you can both be happy. He can have his passion for aviation, and you can have him if thats what you want.

I hope this clarifies it at least a little bit. Sorry it's so long, hopefully it's informative though. Again, just my view, others may argue it. Goodluck no matter what happens though! :)
 
Izzy10 said:
As far as sacrifices - honestly, unfortunately for this conversation, the nature of writing doesn't require a lot of sacrifice.
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:D

Try and do it professionally. ;)

As for mine, it actually has already been answered by you. You were able to describe your passion for writing, but only in very abstract terms. It's the same for flying. It's really not about repetitive takeoffs or repetitive landings, or endless hours spent at cruise. Flying as a whole is an experience, plain and simple.

For those who love it, flying encompasses a myriad of joys that probably don't mean that much to people who don't share the passion. Just like telling somebody that you like to write - saying you like to write has a really simple "face" to it when, deep down, it means and feels like so much more.

I have experienced a lot of my wife's pains when it comes to writing. I have heard her bitch, whine, and moan about her chosen industry. But in the end, she absolutely loves what she does and believes in it deeply. It really doesn't matter if I understand the precise ins an outs of it.
 
msmspilot - True, but if you were the person dating me, I'd hope that you'd try to find out why I would sacrifice for that career - just as I'm trying to understand why my bf would sacrifice for his. There isn't anything I understand about the rush pilots must feel. I wish I could because it would make dealing with this a lot easier. The only way for me to understand and come to terms with the future that might lie ahead for us ... is to ask people who should know. I, for one, love my bf so much that if a passion of mine might interfere with our relationship on a level that might be insurmountable, I would seriously consider if the passion was worth that much. I just wonder if pilots ever feel the same way - if they ever doubt the path they've chosen because of what it deprives them of. And I know that it's possible to have successful relationships (I hope to God I'm half of one of them)... but sometimes there's a feeling that, given a choice, he would choose flying over me. And I know there's nothing I would choose over him. It just confuses me and makes me wonder how or where flying gets so much power. :shrug:
 
When comparing other jobs/hobbies to flying in general keep risk/reward in mind. Some folks accept different levels of risk than others. Some folks accept different rewards than others. Some folks look at a bleek situation and think it'll be different for them. The brain is too complex to wonder why people do certain things.:)
 
Izzy10 said:
sometimes there's a feeling that, given a choice, he would choose flying over me. And I know there's nothing I would choose over him. It just confuses me and makes me wonder how or where flying gets so much power. :shrug:
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Do you have a real reason to believe that's true, or is it just a fear? Is it possible that he just really loves flying, but that in his head - if he had to make a choice (say a stranger had a gun to his head) - he'd, no question, choose you?
 
Sprint100 said:
When comparing other jobs/hobbies to flying in general keep risk/reward in mind. Some folks accept different levels of risk than others. Some folks accept different rewards than others. Some folks look at a bleek situation and think it'll be different for them. The brain is too complex to wonder why people do certain things.:)
Click to expand...

:confused: You just said a whole lotta nothin'!!
 
Why choose any line of work? Regardless of one's vocation, there are sacrifices to be made. Some more than others. From the highest CEO making big money, yet spending plenty of time at the office or constantly thinking of the job, to the janitor who stays late so the building can be cleaned after the nights event.

As has been stated, flying is a passion. Personally, I do not make the majority of my money on flying. As of now it is a second income for me. I can have a long hard day at my full time job, then go fly and feel completely refreshed. I actually do not consider my flying a job. It is more like a hobby which I just happen to get paid for. Why would I want to spend time at an airport after my full day? The way I see it, pilots need to fly. Just as the pro fisher needs to fish.

Here is a saying from someone much smarter than me. Just don't ask who said it because I do not know.
"Contrary to Popular Opinion, Life is Not a Dress Rehearsal."
In other words, you only get one chance to live this life. You need to enjoy the time here.
 
Well, he broke up with me, but he's still flying. -chuckle-

I'm sure if it were a life or death situation, he'd at least consider choosing me. But the problem is that day-to-day isn't life or death... and he has chosen flying over me. Which is not to say that I'd ever ask him to stop flying; I wouldn't. All I want is for him to actually understand how difficult it is to be the person left behind. It isn't easy. It wouldn't be easy for anyone. And he doesn't understand that because he is so focused on doing his thing - on flying. And the fact that I might actually miss him when he's gone upsets him. Who wouldn't miss someone who's gone all the time??? I mean, honestly.

It isn't about choosing me or flying. It's about recognizing that having both of us is not going to be easy - and WILL require sacrifice on his part. It means actually calling when you say you're going to - and not getting mad when I want to talk longer than five minutes.

If he loves being a pilot so much that he's willing to be gone all the time, miss seeing me, miss being with me when I have something scary going on, miss cuddling or having sex, that's fine. But he's also supposed to love me... and when he spends all day with his other love, the airplane, it'd be nice to get a little attention (even via phone) at night.

(Ah, and the true issue comes out...)
 
Izzy10 said:
Well, he broke up with me, but he's still flying. -chuckle-

I'm sure if it were a life or death situation, he'd at least consider choosing me. But the problem is that day-to-day isn't life or death... and he has chosen flying over me. Which is not to say that I'd ever ask him to stop flying; I wouldn't. All I want is for him to actually understand how difficult it is to be the person left behind. It isn't easy. It wouldn't be easy for anyone. And he doesn't understand that because he is so focused on doing his thing - on flying. And the fact that I might actually miss him when he's gone upsets him. Who wouldn't miss someone who's gone all the time??? I mean, honestly.

It isn't about choosing me or flying. It's about recognizing that having both of us is not going to be easy - and WILL require sacrifice on his part. It means actually calling when you say you're going to - and not getting mad when I want to talk longer than five minutes.

If he loves being a pilot so much that he's willing to be gone all the time, miss seeing me, miss being with me when I have something scary going on, miss cuddling or having sex, that's fine. But he's also supposed to love me... and when he spends all day with his other love, the airplane, it'd be nice to get a little attention (even via phone) at night.

(Ah, and the true issue comes out...)
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Yep - sounds like the true issue. What if (and this isn't a pleasant thought), where he is right now, he's simply less focused on a relationship in general than he is on what he's doing with his life?

What if flying is more important to him than you are?

I say this not to hurt your feelings - I don't know him, don't know your situation outside of what you've written here, but if that is the case, and if he's treating you in such a way that makes you feel like you come in second...the question then becomes not, "Why does he love flying so much," but "How am I going to respond to this treatment?"
 
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