What do you airline guys do in cruise?

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ZapBrannigan said:
Don't feel bad. I have a tough time relieving myself promptly back there with FAs camped right outside the door waiting for me.
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Hahaha. I have this thing against using airplane lavs. I used the SAAB lav once on the ground before a GPU got hooked up. Awfully dark in there.
 
ASpilot2be said:
Hahaha. I have this thing against using airplane lavs. I used the SAAB lav once on the ground before a GPU got hooked up. Awfully dark in there.
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Nothng says "living the dream" like using the flashlight on your phone to take a leak in the lav, grabbing a Sanicon to clean up and flopping into an exit row to eat a Starkist tuna pack on flatbread before they start boarding on a 25 minute turn.
 
milleR said:
Nothng says "living the dream" like using the flashlight on your phone to take a leak in the lav, grabbing a Sanicon to clean up and flopping into an exit row to eat a Starkist tuna pack on flatbread before they start boarding on a 25 minute turn.
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Yup, nope, I'm good now, thanks.
 
Derg said:
It actually happened.

We've had very similar experiences when it comes to this.
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I have no doubt, and I'm sure that happens way more often than I understand.

It's a) silly and 8) amazing how dumb people are
 
I'm surprised nobody has mentioned go-go wifi or porn wars. The first seems to exist, the later seems to die via the Chive, assuming the first actually exists.

Of course, only talks of airplanes and reading company manuals ACTUALLY happens.... for hours and hours and.. "yes, I will eat"... or "no meals? got milanos? (they are the devil with kit-kat side kicks)".

Easiest way recently to pass time is a flow chart....

1. So are you wanting to leave? yes/no
Where to?
Why?
-Learn what makes the other person tick, plenty of conversation with at least 1 common piece, 4 days.
2. Why aren't you leaving?
-45 minutes of time with plenty of personal info being collected for continued discussion for at least a few flights.
3. Talk about hobbies
-At least 1 flight
4. Significant other/spouse
-2 Flights
5. If #3 or #4 are inop, it seems that asking "what is your favorite drink, sports team, or place to visit" works
-at least 1 flight.
6. Schedules
-For me, 6 days, pretty much guaranteed lately, with email exchange and a point of contact at least once a month thereafter.

Time passes and each day is different. Sometimes we are actually busy between holds, ACARS to Dispatch, ATC, and the pax/FA mix that is always too hot, then cold (even when nobody touches the temp). That was today, for 6 hours of block, other days 8 hours of flying goes by and the latest news articles spur non-stop (outside sterile, of course) conversation. In the end, the sun comes up an goes down. Everyone starts somewhere and ends elsewhere. I would give anyone a tip of the hat to explain what to do on a single 17 hour flight though. I've never been able to put the pieces together on how to do that without any NEW news to discuss over almost a day at a time.
 
Derg said:
You... You don't sound, ya know...umm, I mean you speak so well!
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I witnessed a variant of this with one of my captains when I flew at Mesa. We were waiting in Denver B gates on maintenance to defer something, captain was upstairs. I was walking up to report the mech was done when I heard it, can't remember exactly what the lady said but it was basically exactly that, I do remember we were going to Aspen and her carry-on baggage was a dog. I could sense my CA rolling his eyes even though he wasn't facing me. Instantly I knew what to do, and pivoted and got my phone out and set up a fake ringtone and call (on my ancient windows phone brick.)

A few seconds later I came back to stand next to my captain, looking every bit the professional airline pilot, and so caucasian I glow. The lady was still milling around where the captain and gate agent are, and in my defense I was much less professional back then, however I didn't miss a beat and triggered the fake call and my phone played its new temporary ringtone, "Move ..." by Ludacris. I let enough play then "answered" it with my most offensively stereotypical "urban" voice: 'Sup? ...*blah fake call blah* Aiight, we out!' then turn to my captain who is staring at me (along with the the lady and gate agent), 'My man <whatever the mechanics name was> got our stuff fixed, all hella good. He wants you to check that book then we Good. To. Go.' (I included a hand gesture simulating an airplane taking off in a vaguely jazzy fashion) I see my captain's face hardening throughout this, trying to avoid cracking up but I don't know what it was about that 'Good. To. Go.' but I could tell he was about to lose it, but he was the Captain and that would be undignified so he just turned around and almost ran down the stairs and out of sight. The gate agent, having nowhere else to run to just turned around and made a point of looking out the window onto the ramp for a little while, shoulders shaking a little.

Not real sure what that old lady was doing because I followed my captain down to the aircraft, wasn't hard -- I just had to follow the laughing. I may have seen her mouth agape from my peripheral vison.


I'm honestly surprised I didn't get in trouble for that, but I was on day 3 of 4 and had already ferried 4 or 5 planes worth of stuck up rich people to and from Aspen that day already -- all of which were running late for weather, and now maintenance. After I did it I was sure she was going to call United, who was going to call our CP who was going to call me. Captain thought it might happen too because he said he would swear up and down none of that happened. But never heard anything. He did buy my drinks for the next few overnights we flew together, which is a significant boon from a Turboprop captain at Mesa who didn't make all that much more than his co-pilot.

Perhaps because uncharacteristically she was the only pax milling next to the gate / gate agent like their looming presence will speed things up so she was the only one to hear.

I'm not exactly proud of this from a professional perspective and would not do anything like that again, but I derived intense personal satisfaction from it. Besides, if that old rich lady really was important she wouldn't be getting to Aspen on United.

Wish I could remember that guy's name. Wasn't one of our regular crew in Denver, was a senior CRJ FO and used one of the displacement bids to get Dash Captain. I got furloughed not too long after then anyway. Hope he's not still at Mesa.
 
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