When our daughter was born my wife and I decided we would write a parenting book as we became experts on child rearing. Our daughter's first words were "Please" and "Thank you". She never wandered off. She potty trained on her own at about 2 years. Then... our son came along.

We decided to shelve writing the book for a while as we dealt with someone who wandered off the second you turned your back. I remember one time I was non-reving with my kids when he was four and talking with the gate agent about the standby list. Someone taps on my shoulder- I turn and it's a cop with my son in tow. I'd noticed him at the phone bank looking for money (learned that from big sister), and I guess he figured out that if you call 911 a nice person will answer the phone. So he'd been going up and down the line dialing 911. The first night I was home after demobilizing he comes into our room that night and says, "Mommy, what is Daddy doing in MY bed." We had a little talk about the sleeping arrangements now that I was home. Girls? For crying out loud... how can a four year old be girl crazy. He is 12 now and we are not looking forward to the teenage years. My daughter's friends keep telling her that he is soooo hot- they wish he were older so they could date him. Boy, that goes over well.
Of course now that my daughter is a teenager we look back at those times with our son fondly. Her parents are the dumbest people in the world. Her life is SOOO hard, we have no idea how hard it is. Like OMG, her cell phone is six months old. It's ancient. We did not send her to Europe for the summer. Why does her little brother need to go skiing with us?? Dad, why are you skiing with me and my friends? Go away. One hour later a text from her (why do teens never just call you), "Dad, you forgot to give me money for lunch and I forgot my wallet at home." Speaking of wallet, "Dad, what's the big deal about losing it. So Mom has to write a letter to her commander explaining why I lost my military ID. What's the big deal?" There should be a "ditzy blond teenage daughter" clause in the military for lost dependent ID's.
She use to love having me come in her room and lie on her bed before she went to sleep so we could talk. Now it's "What are you doing in my room?" We got tired of her attitude once and took the door off the hinges. She threatened to call CPS and Amnesty International. That book we were writing? We burned it. Our hope is that whatever we did is never passed on to other parents.