To all CFI's: Stupidest student questions.

ChasenSFO said:
Who the hell cares, its about how fast your jet goes, how many people it holds, and how shiny the paint is. Money is just something that's nice to have if it comes along with it. You better get your priorities straight if you wanna make it in the RJ big leagues and have a shot at the coveted E190.

I'm just a private pilot, but I've heard some interesting things from my passengers thus far. A few things that I remember:

Friend: How do you know which one is the runway?(landing at night, on final)
Me: White lights.
Friend: But how do you know that THAT is the runway?
Me: That's actually the freeway, can you hand me the checklist from that pocket and flip to the emergency section*flare*?(He was pretty pissed afterwords, but I thought it was funny).

Me: (make an initial call to the CTAF at HAF as I'm overflying the field finishing a baytour)
Friend: I thought you said they have no control tower.
Me: They don't, I'm just broadcasting that to other traffic.
Friend: Then why do you talk in a secret code?
Me: So that they don't fire the Surface to Air missiles at us.
Friend: ...

Me: (demonstrating a stall) The plane will actually pretty much recover itself.*stalls*(I go to shove the yoke forward)
Friend: (screaming)Wait, why are you touching things, I thought you have to let it recover itself?!
Me: Oh my god...(let go of yoke and let it come out on its own), I almost killed us both, nice catch.

Friend: Can we fly over the Golden Gate bridge?
Me: Yeah I do it all the time.
Friend: Are we allowed to talk to each other while you do it?
Me: No.
(I fly 2 360s around the bridge just to see if he'd talk, he didn't say a word. It was interesting)

Friend: Do you think we can see any naked people on Baker Beach?
Me: We aren't allowed to look at them, since you're looking out a window its considered peeping and park rangers might call in our tail number.
Friend: That's why I hate cops man.

And my favorite:
Friend: So...what if your radio were to go out.
Me: Then I wouldn't be able to use it.
Friend: No, but I mean, we'd get shot down right?
Me: Why would we get shot down?
Friend: Since they might think you're hijacked right?
Me: No, I'd just turn on the smoke system and write "NORDO" in the sky, and the F-16s would break off their attack run.
Other Friend: Yeah, my cousin(his cousin is actually an F-22 test pilot for Lockheed, former USAF F-16 pilot) told me about something like that.

They never remember what I tell them anyway when I try to explain, might as well have some fun with them. :)
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Those are priceless, man. Thanks for a good laugh this morning.

The only thing like that I've done was when I took a friend on a night flight, after we'd cleared the class C from AUS...

Friend: "So, I know things are a little different at night. What happens if we have an emergency?"
Me: "I don't know. I'm not a very good pilot."
Friend: <blank stare>
 
BobDDuck said:
Be careful about that. Otherwise you'll have students telling a DE about the deice monkey that lives next to the heater in the nose cone of PA44s and comes out on a little platform to knock ice off the wings using rubber mallets.
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I see nothing wrong with that- proivded they know why the mallets are rubber.
 
I took a buddy on an observer ride with a female student the other day, and he sat in the back.

Joe: Hey, can everyone hear me when I talk into this microphone? (asking about other pilots on CTAF)
Me: Yea dude, of course
Joe: Penis. Penis one niner. Penis. Yellow penis red rooster.

We muted him on the intercom after that.
 
Bandit_Driver said:
I had a student ask about the WOW switch on RG aircraft. He then proceded to ask why we don't place the gear handle in the up position on the ramp to ensure the switch is working.


We used to play a joke on the new line guys and send them down to the flight school mech looking for the following, the occassionally would send a student back.

Strobe Light Fluid
Red and Green Nav Light fluid
Compass Whiskey
Flight Line
Prop wash
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Don't forget:

muffler bearing oil
manifold grease
pitot lube
 
cstewart6 said:
I took a buddy on an observer ride with a female student the other day, and he sat in the back.

Joe: Hey, can everyone hear me when I talk into this microphone? (asking about other pilots on CTAF)
Me: Yea dude, of course
Joe: Penis. Penis one niner. Penis. Yellow penis red rooster.

We muted him on the intercom after that.
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How old is your buddy, 13?
 
ChasenSFO said:
Who the hell cares, its about how fast your jet goes, how many people it holds, and how shiny the paint is. Money is just something that's nice to have if it comes along with it. You better get your priorities straight if you wanna make it in the RJ big leagues and have a shot at the coveted E190.

I'm just a private pilot, but I've heard some interesting things from my passengers thus far. A few things that I remember:

Friend: How do you know which one is the runway?(landing at night, on final)
Me: White lights.
Friend: But how do you know that THAT is the runway?
Me: That's actually the freeway, can you hand me the checklist from that pocket and flip to the emergency section*flare*?(He was pretty pissed afterwords, but I thought it was funny).

Me: (make an initial call to the CTAF at HAF as I'm overflying the field finishing a baytour)
Friend: I thought you said they have no control tower.
Me: They don't, I'm just broadcasting that to other traffic.
Friend: Then why do you talk in a secret code?
Me: So that they don't fire the Surface to Air missiles at us.
Friend: ...

Me: (demonstrating a stall) The plane will actually pretty much recover itself.*stalls*(I go to shove the yoke forward)
Friend: (screaming)Wait, why are you touching things, I thought you have to let it recover itself?!
Me: Oh my god...(let go of yoke and let it come out on its own), I almost killed us both, nice catch.

Friend: Can we fly over the Golden Gate bridge?
Me: Yeah I do it all the time.
Friend: Are we allowed to talk to each other while you do it?
Me: No.
(I fly 2 360s around the bridge just to see if he'd talk, he didn't say a word. It was interesting)

Friend: Do you think we can see any naked people on Baker Beach?
Me: We aren't allowed to look at them, since you're looking out a window its considered peeping and park rangers might call in our tail number.
Friend: That's why I hate cops man.

And my favorite:
Friend: So...what if your radio were to go out.
Me: Then I wouldn't be able to use it.
Friend: No, but I mean, we'd get shot down right?
Me: Why would we get shot down?
Friend: Since they might think you're hijacked right?
Me: No, I'd just turn on the smoke system and write "NORDO" in the sky, and the F-16s would break off their attack run.
Other Friend: Yeah, my cousin(his cousin is actually an F-22 test pilot for Lockheed, former USAF F-16 pilot) told me about something like that.

They never remember what I tell them anyway when I try to explain, might as well have some fun with them. :)
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Brings me back to one of my first passenger briefings:

Him: So if you die or pass out will the autopilot (in a 150...) take over.
Me: Nope...there's no autopilot.
Him: Does this plane have a one of those big parachutes (somebody was reading a cirrus brochure...)
Me: No
Him:So what will I do?
Me:Grab you ankles and kiss your ass goodbye
Him: .....
 
Muff3n said:
That is pretty funny.

I am not a CFI yet but I always get a kick out of it when I take friends up flying and they ask me how many seconds we would have before we would smash into the ground if the engine quit. It is pretty amazing how a lot of he general public think that if the engine goes out on a airplane then the airplane is basically going to stop flying and just start falling out of the sky straight to the ground. The concept of gliding is just nonexistent to most people.
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yup I have people ask me the same thing when I am deadheading. They are amazed the plane could stay aloft without engines for a considerable amount of time from the flight level.

I had fun screwing with a pax sometime back when I was dead heading on a RJ. While still at the gate. Me and the lady are sitting right up front and she picks up her cell and starts talking on it. At just about the same time the SECAL goes off in the cockpit and as you know the CRJ yells SECAL SELCAL. She looks shocked and completes the call quickly. Then asks me how do they know that? I told her it there to warn the crew incase anyone tries to use a cell phone in flight, since a cell phone can play havoc with the radios and nav equipment. A second later a guy is playing on his crackberry and it goes off again. The look on her face was priceless and it was all I could do from laughing.

It you not in uniform but just have your ID on people ask if i'm a pilot I have told a couple no, I am just in the aluminium tubing business. I relocate aluminium tubes all over the US several times a week. Some find it funny and get the joke and others don't.
 
Mine is not so much a question as it is an action. After our first flight I am getting my side of the airplane tied down and walk to the other side to see that my student is placing the chocks on each side of the tire instead of front and back. He gets them perfectly lined up on the sides, then looks to me and says "is that how they go?". I said no put them the other way so he flipped the sides they were on. I finally just did it for him.
 
Dallen said:
I can't fly passengers yet, but I hear that question all the time. I had a coworker tell me that an airliner would "fall out of the sky" if it lost its engine. I am quickly learning how little the general public knows about aviation.
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Falling...with style!

This happened today:

Tower: Say altitude and ident

Student: "Altitude and ident"
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Tower: "[AC ID] Roger say 'cancelling IFR'."
 
{quote}
quote_icon.png
Originally Posted by Dallen
I can't fly passengers yet, but I hear that question all the time. I had a coworker tell me that an airliner would "fall out of the sky" if it lost its engine. I am quickly learning how little the general public knows about aviation.{/quote}

Speaking of funny thinks people think about airplanes. I once heard an old lady asker her husaban if the plane (saab) was safe. He goes oh yes dear, it is the ones with three blades that are the dangersous ones.
 
Cessnaflyer said:
I think my best one was when another instructors post-solo student came to me for extra flying. I observed his first approach without saying anything and he continued on final at pattern altitude and then started a crazy descent nearly over the threshold. I asked him why he was doing this and he said he was learning to fly the Space Shuttle and was now going to fly all his approaches like the shuttle does.
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I had a student go into some insanely long brief about how its going to be a "left seat, full thrust takeoff, blah blah blah". At the end of it I asked what all that was about, he said "that's how they brief for takeoff in the 747". I told him "well, this is a 172, so lets brief like we're in a 172.

Same student that stopped paying attention 5 ft off the ground on landing in BWI because "oh my god, look there's Shamu!"

Same student that on his first lesson (we were working on his instrument rating) we went out to do some landings. I asked him if on a crosswind he preferred to set up the crab, or kick the rudder out at the last minute. He said "I like to kick the rudder out because that's what airline pilots do". Cool, go for it. Just wanted to know what to expect. So its a 10 kt crosswind, we're doing the first landing, and as we get close to the ground I remind him about the rudder. He remembers, adds full rudder...unfortunately selecting the wrong one. We touch down at some ridonkulous crab angle, the right wheel acts as a pivot point for the aircraft to attempt to flip over. That's the only time I swore at a student. On the roll out he said "a little bit of side loading, but I'm pretty happy with that!"

Same student that tried to log .1 of PIC because while he was taxiing to the fuel farm (started the airplane instead of taxiing 10 ft) the hobbs ticked over. Ended up telling him to look up the definition of "flight time"
 
Screaming_Emu said:
I had a student go into some insanely long brief about how its going to be a "left seat, full thrust takeoff, blah blah blah". At the end of it I asked what all that was about, he said "that's how they brief for takeoff in the 747". I told him "well, this is a 172, so lets brief like we're in a 172.

Same student that stopped paying attention 5 ft off the ground on landing in BWI because "oh my god, look there's Shamu!"

Same student that on his first lesson (we were working on his instrument rating) we went out to do some landings. I asked him if on a crosswind he preferred to set up the crab, or kick the rudder out at the last minute. He said "I like to kick the rudder out because that's what airline pilots do". Cool, go for it. Just wanted to know what to expect. So its a 10 kt crosswind, we're doing the first landing, and as we get close to the ground I remind him about the rudder. He remembers, adds full rudder...unfortunately selecting the wrong one. We touch down at some ridonkulous crab angle, the right wheel acts as a pivot point for the aircraft to attempt to flip over. That's the only time I swore at a student. On the roll out he said "a little bit of side loading, but I'm pretty happy with that!"

Same student that tried to log .1 of PIC because while he was taxiing to the fuel farm (started the airplane instead of taxiing 10 ft) the hobbs ticked over. Ended up telling him to look up the definition of "flight time"
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Sad thing is, I bet you he's at a regional now.
 
He kicked the wrong rudder and you still let him land? I'm hoping it wasn't as dramatic as I envision it.
 
a little off course of the thread but i was working ground control today and a pilot of a cherokee asked me if he could follow a T1 onto the active.
 
subpilot said:
He kicked the wrong rudder and you still let him land? I'm hoping it wasn't as dramatic as I envision it.
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He wanted to kick the rudder out at the last minute, he didn't, I reminded him, he jammed the wrong one as we were setting down, I took over, cursed at student, kissed ground by FBO.
 
Screaming_Emu said:
I had a student go into some insanely long brief about how its going to be a "left seat, full thrust takeoff, blah blah blah". At the end of it I asked what all that was about, he said "that's how they brief for takeoff in the 747". I told him "well, this is a 172, so lets brief like we're in a 172.
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Not my student, but I overheard my friends student ask where the microburst detectors were on the 172.
 
ok... I had an international student and I helped him to register on IACRA...he had to look at his passport because he did not know ....ready everyone.....his date of birth.
 
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